Hello, My Name is Single Girl

From the COLlive Inbox: A girl in Shidduchim writes herperspective as a single girl, while many of her friends are getting engaged.

By a single girl

So, I just had the honor of attending another l’chaim. 16 down from my class - 4 to go. And I shielded my eyes from the light emanating from the kallah’s smiles and the reflection of the sparkle in her eyes and felt the warmth of her joy slowly spreading through my limbs. I bounded up to her and threw my arms around her. Alright, I probably maybe might have been a little too excited and given her a few bruises. But who could blame me? She had been drafted into battle in the shidduch world for 3 years. She had been patient and had emerged victorious, none the worse for wear and a stronger being.

I could not have been happier for her. She looked radiant. She had but a moment to speak with me before she was pulled by one of the thousand iphone-bearing hands for a picture and during that moment she told me simply, “Im yirtza Hashem by you! I hope one day you can feel this happiness.”

Suddenly, my shiny, shimmering dreams of her glorious baby-filled future evaporated and I remembered. Oh, wow… I’m still single.

Not only am I still single, The color single has taken on a more vibrant hue due to a greater contrast between me and the rest of the 22/3/4 year-old population. Slowly, I am becoming the only remaining caterpillar in what seems like a world of butterflies. And being a caterpillar is amazing. Who wouldn’t want to be an awesome green fluffy crawling thing? Until all of your friends suddenly sprout wings and fly away. And one day you are casually chewing a leaf and you look around, and wonder… ‘hey, where’d everybody go?’

“Im yirtza Hashem by you.” I walked home silently in thought. Even the blessing was tinged with the sound of desperation. “PLEASE G-D BRING ME A BOCHUR TO SAVE ME FROM A LIFE OF DOOMED SINGLENESS.” I know that the words had not been meant that way. They were meant as a verbal gift of love and well-wishes.

But for some reason, the blessing stung. And I realized that it had aroused a feeling of a social truth in my mind. People feel bad for me. They look at me when I run a successful program and say, ‘Oh, poor Mushkie, she’s such a good girl. Why is she not married yet?’ They look at me when I choose to forgo another year of shlichus in order to pursue an education and say, ‘Mushkie, don’t you realize that this may harm your prospects?’ They look at me when I smile and say, ‘Oh! Mushkie! What a smile! What’s doing in the dating world? Someone must be causing you to smile like that!’

And to them, I nod and murmur some appeasing words. Internally, I respond to them all; ‘I’m not married because G-d has decided that I still have some growing to do. I’m pursuing an education because I have discovered that which I love doing and my thirst to share it with the world. And no, my smile is not because I’m dating the most fantastic bochur around. I’m smiling because it is raining outside and I simply adore the sound of rain.’ Because my life is about more than waiting impatiently.

Yes, I am single. My relationship status can be checked off in a defined box. But I am also a girl, an aspiring chossid, a writer, a poet, a youthful soul, an explorer, a giver, an intellectual, a fact-collector, a mashpia, a teacher, and a student.

I have a beautiful life and I am surrounded by beautiful people.

Single days are not something to rush through impatiently. That single period is not one of those dreaded in-between stages. It cannot be compared to being in-between floors on an elevator or sitting in traffic on the way to work. It is the long scenic route. It is an amazing, exhausting hike.

My life will not begin when I get married. My life has already commenced wonderfully. This IS my life. G-d is gifting each single day to me for a reason.

And when you say Im Yirtza Hashem by You, I will nod in assent, because – yes, if G-d decides I’m ready, I would love to change my relationship status on facebook.

And I will wish you Mazel Tov at your l’chaim. Because I am truly, truly happy for you for having an exciting day and reaching an exciting milestone and taking another exciting step in G-d’s Divine plan of your life. And I will gaze upon your joy and only wish you gallons more of it.

And then, I will wish myself Mazel Tov for the same things. I, too, have had an exciting day and have reached an exciting milestone (hey, I lost .5 lbs!) and have taken another exciting step in G-d’s plan of my life. I too, have a lot to look forward to and am commencing a wonderful journey.

So Mazel Tov, Mazel Tov! Because every one of us has so much to be grateful for and could all use a little mazel. May we all find what we are looking for, but on the way there, be able to truly enjoy and utilize the trip.

it's not about the nail

Expert: Women Abuse as Often as Men

Expert: Women Abuse as Often as Men Professor Murray Straus tells Arutz Sheva: People refuse to believe it, but women abuse men just as much as men abuse women. By Yoni Kempinski Domestic violence is not one-sided, Professor Murray Straus of the University of New Hampshire told Arutz Sheva on Monday. Straus participated at the two-day conference entitled "Violence, Conflicts and Unity in Family Context: A Reappraisal of Therapeutic and Judicial Doctrines." The conference is being held at the Ariel University. “The bottom line is that in domestic violence, about the same percentage of women assault their partners as men,” he said. “Women are more often injured, but that doesn’t change the fact that women attack as often as men.” Prof. Straus admitted that he’s been censored in the past for saying that domestic violence is not one-sided, because “generally people refuse to believe it, despite a lot of scientific evidence showing that these are the facts. There are 230 studies, as of several months ago, and yet people refuse to believe it. Everyone is supposed to know that men do this - and they do it, but so do women.” The solution to ending domestic violence, he said, is that “if we’re going to end violence against women, we have to take steps to end violence by women.” The opposition to Prof. Straus, he said, “comes from people who believe that the main cause of domestic violence is male dominance. And that is an important cause, but it’s only one of many causes and not even the most important cause. This group of people are fanatics. They insist on a single cause, and that it’s men who are the problem. Well, men are the problem, but so are women.

Part 2: Meet the Matchmaker (Shadchan) - The Shidduch Date

Things Not To Say On A Shidduch Date

Reb RLZ on Shiduchim

Meeting Mr Right - A Refreshingly Funny Couple- Rivka Malka Bashert

Recalling lessons learned from My Mother;

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
    "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
    "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
    "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
  " Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
    "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going  to the store with me."

6. My  mother taught me FORESIGHT.
    "Make sure you wear clean  underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
    "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8.  My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
    "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught  me about CONTORTION-ISM.
    "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA  .
    "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11.  My mother taught me about WEATHER.
    "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
    "If I told you once, I've  told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF  LIFE.
    "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
    "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
    "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
    "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
    "You are going to get it when your father gets home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
     "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
     "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20.  My mother taught me HUMOR.
     "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
     "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
     "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
     "Shut that door behind you.  Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
     "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE  .
      "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Marty Adickman, "Dating Advice from the Rabbi"

Fast date

no one wants to marry an unhappy person

Torah Dating

B'reishis - In the beginning,

Noach lech - Noach went

Vayayroh Chayay Soroh - and he saw Chaya Soroh.

Toldos - He checked out the yichus

Vayaitzay - and they went out.

Vayishlach - They didn't like each other, so they sent each other away..

Vayaishev - The shadchan intervened and they returned to each other.

Mikaitz - In the end,

Vayigash - they got close

Vay'chi - and they lived happily ever after.

(smile4aminute.blogspot.com)

Two different theories exist concerning the origin of children

Two different theories exist concerning the origin of children:
the theory of sexual reproduction, and the theory of the stork.

Many people believe in the theory of sexual reproduction because they have been taught this theory at school. In reality, however, many of the world's leading scientists are in favor of the theory of the stork.

If the theory of sexual reproduction is taught in schools, it must only be taught as a theory and not as the truth.
Alternative theories, such as the theory of the stork, must also be taught.

Evidence supporting the theory of the stork includes the following:

1. It is a scientifically established fact that the stork does exist. This can be confirmed by every ornithologist.

2. The alleged human fetal development contains several features that the theory of sexual reproduction is unable to explain.

3. The theory of sexual reproduction implies that a child is approximately nine months old at birth. This is an absurd claim.  Everyone knows that a newborn child is newborn.

4. According to the theory of sexual reproduction, children are a result of sexual intercourse. There are, however, several well-documented cases where sexual intercourse has not led to the birth of a child.

5. Statistical studies in the Netherlands have indicated a positive correlation between the birth rate and the number of storks. Both are decreasing.

6. The theory of the stork can be investigated by rigorous scientific methods. The only assumption involved is that children are delivered by the stork.