Hello, My Name is Single Girl

From the COLlive Inbox: A girl in Shidduchim writes herperspective as a single girl, while many of her friends are getting engaged.

By a single girl

So, I just had the honor of attending another l’chaim. 16 down from my class - 4 to go. And I shielded my eyes from the light emanating from the kallah’s smiles and the reflection of the sparkle in her eyes and felt the warmth of her joy slowly spreading through my limbs. I bounded up to her and threw my arms around her. Alright, I probably maybe might have been a little too excited and given her a few bruises. But who could blame me? She had been drafted into battle in the shidduch world for 3 years. She had been patient and had emerged victorious, none the worse for wear and a stronger being.

I could not have been happier for her. She looked radiant. She had but a moment to speak with me before she was pulled by one of the thousand iphone-bearing hands for a picture and during that moment she told me simply, “Im yirtza Hashem by you! I hope one day you can feel this happiness.”

Suddenly, my shiny, shimmering dreams of her glorious baby-filled future evaporated and I remembered. Oh, wow… I’m still single.

Not only am I still single, The color single has taken on a more vibrant hue due to a greater contrast between me and the rest of the 22/3/4 year-old population. Slowly, I am becoming the only remaining caterpillar in what seems like a world of butterflies. And being a caterpillar is amazing. Who wouldn’t want to be an awesome green fluffy crawling thing? Until all of your friends suddenly sprout wings and fly away. And one day you are casually chewing a leaf and you look around, and wonder… ‘hey, where’d everybody go?’

“Im yirtza Hashem by you.” I walked home silently in thought. Even the blessing was tinged with the sound of desperation. “PLEASE G-D BRING ME A BOCHUR TO SAVE ME FROM A LIFE OF DOOMED SINGLENESS.” I know that the words had not been meant that way. They were meant as a verbal gift of love and well-wishes.

But for some reason, the blessing stung. And I realized that it had aroused a feeling of a social truth in my mind. People feel bad for me. They look at me when I run a successful program and say, ‘Oh, poor Mushkie, she’s such a good girl. Why is she not married yet?’ They look at me when I choose to forgo another year of shlichus in order to pursue an education and say, ‘Mushkie, don’t you realize that this may harm your prospects?’ They look at me when I smile and say, ‘Oh! Mushkie! What a smile! What’s doing in the dating world? Someone must be causing you to smile like that!’

And to them, I nod and murmur some appeasing words. Internally, I respond to them all; ‘I’m not married because G-d has decided that I still have some growing to do. I’m pursuing an education because I have discovered that which I love doing and my thirst to share it with the world. And no, my smile is not because I’m dating the most fantastic bochur around. I’m smiling because it is raining outside and I simply adore the sound of rain.’ Because my life is about more than waiting impatiently.

Yes, I am single. My relationship status can be checked off in a defined box. But I am also a girl, an aspiring chossid, a writer, a poet, a youthful soul, an explorer, a giver, an intellectual, a fact-collector, a mashpia, a teacher, and a student.

I have a beautiful life and I am surrounded by beautiful people.

Single days are not something to rush through impatiently. That single period is not one of those dreaded in-between stages. It cannot be compared to being in-between floors on an elevator or sitting in traffic on the way to work. It is the long scenic route. It is an amazing, exhausting hike.

My life will not begin when I get married. My life has already commenced wonderfully. This IS my life. G-d is gifting each single day to me for a reason.

And when you say Im Yirtza Hashem by You, I will nod in assent, because – yes, if G-d decides I’m ready, I would love to change my relationship status on facebook.

And I will wish you Mazel Tov at your l’chaim. Because I am truly, truly happy for you for having an exciting day and reaching an exciting milestone and taking another exciting step in G-d’s Divine plan of your life. And I will gaze upon your joy and only wish you gallons more of it.

And then, I will wish myself Mazel Tov for the same things. I, too, have had an exciting day and have reached an exciting milestone (hey, I lost .5 lbs!) and have taken another exciting step in G-d’s plan of my life. I too, have a lot to look forward to and am commencing a wonderful journey.

So Mazel Tov, Mazel Tov! Because every one of us has so much to be grateful for and could all use a little mazel. May we all find what we are looking for, but on the way there, be able to truly enjoy and utilize the trip.

it's not about the nail

Expert: Women Abuse as Often as Men

Expert: Women Abuse as Often as Men Professor Murray Straus tells Arutz Sheva: People refuse to believe it, but women abuse men just as much as men abuse women. By Yoni Kempinski Domestic violence is not one-sided, Professor Murray Straus of the University of New Hampshire told Arutz Sheva on Monday. Straus participated at the two-day conference entitled "Violence, Conflicts and Unity in Family Context: A Reappraisal of Therapeutic and Judicial Doctrines." The conference is being held at the Ariel University. “The bottom line is that in domestic violence, about the same percentage of women assault their partners as men,” he said. “Women are more often injured, but that doesn’t change the fact that women attack as often as men.” Prof. Straus admitted that he’s been censored in the past for saying that domestic violence is not one-sided, because “generally people refuse to believe it, despite a lot of scientific evidence showing that these are the facts. There are 230 studies, as of several months ago, and yet people refuse to believe it. Everyone is supposed to know that men do this - and they do it, but so do women.” The solution to ending domestic violence, he said, is that “if we’re going to end violence against women, we have to take steps to end violence by women.” The opposition to Prof. Straus, he said, “comes from people who believe that the main cause of domestic violence is male dominance. And that is an important cause, but it’s only one of many causes and not even the most important cause. This group of people are fanatics. They insist on a single cause, and that it’s men who are the problem. Well, men are the problem, but so are women.

Part 2: Meet the Matchmaker (Shadchan) - The Shidduch Date

Things Not To Say On A Shidduch Date

Reb RLZ on Shiduchim

Meeting Mr Right - A Refreshingly Funny Couple- Rivka Malka Bashert

Recalling lessons learned from My Mother;

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
    "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
    "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
    "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
  " Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
    "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going  to the store with me."

6. My  mother taught me FORESIGHT.
    "Make sure you wear clean  underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
    "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8.  My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
    "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught  me about CONTORTION-ISM.
    "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA  .
    "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11.  My mother taught me about WEATHER.
    "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
    "If I told you once, I've  told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF  LIFE.
    "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
    "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
    "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
    "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
    "You are going to get it when your father gets home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
     "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
     "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20.  My mother taught me HUMOR.
     "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
     "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
     "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
     "Shut that door behind you.  Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
     "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE  .
      "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Marty Adickman, "Dating Advice from the Rabbi"

Fast date

no one wants to marry an unhappy person

Torah Dating

B'reishis - In the beginning,

Noach lech - Noach went

Vayayroh Chayay Soroh - and he saw Chaya Soroh.

Toldos - He checked out the yichus

Vayaitzay - and they went out.

Vayishlach - They didn't like each other, so they sent each other away..

Vayaishev - The shadchan intervened and they returned to each other.

Mikaitz - In the end,

Vayigash - they got close

Vay'chi - and they lived happily ever after.

(smile4aminute.blogspot.com)

Two different theories exist concerning the origin of children

Two different theories exist concerning the origin of children:
the theory of sexual reproduction, and the theory of the stork.

Many people believe in the theory of sexual reproduction because they have been taught this theory at school. In reality, however, many of the world's leading scientists are in favor of the theory of the stork.

If the theory of sexual reproduction is taught in schools, it must only be taught as a theory and not as the truth.
Alternative theories, such as the theory of the stork, must also be taught.

Evidence supporting the theory of the stork includes the following:

1. It is a scientifically established fact that the stork does exist. This can be confirmed by every ornithologist.

2. The alleged human fetal development contains several features that the theory of sexual reproduction is unable to explain.

3. The theory of sexual reproduction implies that a child is approximately nine months old at birth. This is an absurd claim.  Everyone knows that a newborn child is newborn.

4. According to the theory of sexual reproduction, children are a result of sexual intercourse. There are, however, several well-documented cases where sexual intercourse has not led to the birth of a child.

5. Statistical studies in the Netherlands have indicated a positive correlation between the birth rate and the number of storks. Both are decreasing.

6. The theory of the stork can be investigated by rigorous scientific methods. The only assumption involved is that children are delivered by the stork.

a good shachris attendance

A boy, Moishe Wolfson, (name changed to protect the innocent) was going out while he was in the yeshiva dormitory. The girl's father thought that it was very important that the boy his daughter was dating should have a good shachris attendance. So he decided to call the pay phone in the yeshiva that the boy was staying and ask whoever picked up how the boy's attendance was. Unfortunately Moishe's Shachris attendance was very bad, but as luck would have it the person who picked up the phone was non other than Moishe. This was the conversation that ensued:

Father: Hello, I was wondering if you know Moishe Wolfson? I have some shidduch questions to ask.
Moishe: Moishe, sure i know him really well. I would dare say that I know him as well as I know myself.
Father: Oh good, I really only have one question. How is his shachris attendance, does he come on time.
Moishe: Mr. Schwartz, to tell you the truth i don't get up on time all that much - on the average day i am late to shachris. But I can definitely tell you this - 

WHEN EVER I'M THERE HE'S THERE!

and they went out and got married!!

Generation Y

People born before 1946 were called The Silent generation..

- People born between 1946 and 1964 are called The Baby Boomers.

- People born between 1965 and 1979 are called Generation X, 

- And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called Generation Y , 

Why do we call the last group Generation Y?
 
Y should I get a job?
Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food?

How Adam Got Eve

How Adam Got Eve 

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, G-d asked him, 'What's wrong with you?'Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
G-d said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said, 'This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash them for you She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you,and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.She will praise you!She will bear your children.and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.'She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love andpassion whenever you need it.'
Adam asked G-d, 'What will a woman like this cost?'
'An arm and a leg.'
Then Adam asked, 'What can I get for a rib
Of course the rest is history..... .......!! !!

Blessed are You, O God, King of the Universe, Who created everything for His glory (The Marriage Ritual).

The surging divorce rate in recent years is appalling. While the Torah indeed provides for dissolving a relationship, there has never been in Jewish history anything like the current number of failed marriages.

Perhaps the problem stems from the partners' primary goals as they enter marriage. In Western civilization, what is called "love" has been accepted as the cornerstone of marriage. Unfortunately, this "love" too often refers to an attraction for the partner because of how he or she can gratify the other's physical and emotional needs. If this primary goal is not adequately met, the cement of the relationship disintegrates, and secondary factors alone cannot maintain it.

In the past, the primary focus of a marriage was the establishment of a family. [The first mitzvah found in the Torah is be fruitful and multiply (Genesis 1:28).] While physical and emotional needs were important, they were not primary, but secondary. Hence, when problems of this nature did develop, the relationship was still held together by the primary binding forces, and these secondary problems could be rectified and resolved.

Today I shall ...
...

try to realize what the true primary goals of my relationship with others should be.

same-sects marriages

NEW YORK - In an unusual display of unity, leaders of five Chasidic groups today issued a joint statement in support of proposed state legislation to allow same-sects marriages.
The groups represented were Belz, Pupa, Satmer, Bobov, and Lubavitch.
"Of course we want same-sects marriages," said Rabbi Wurzma Shtreimel, head of the Belz movement. "A Belzer should marry only a Belzer. That makes perfect sense."
The other rabbis agreed.
"If a Satmer weds a Bobover, woe to their offspring," proclaimed Rabbi Praymita Gartel of Satmer. "What would their children be-Satovers?? That's totally unheard of."
The rabbis shared concerns about the dilution of their individual groups through intersect marriages.
"The Tanya warns us," said Rabbi Mendy Pantz of Lubavitch. "If a Lubavitcher marries outside his sect, his children lose half their heritage.
His son is not Lubavitch, just Vitch. And his grandson becomes a son of a Vitch." At a separate news conference, Chasidic women expressed similar concerns.
"It's less confusing when our kind marry their own kind," said Rebbetzin Donna Kittel, founder of a Pupa women's group, The Mamas and the Pupas.
To prevent intersect marriages, Belz rebbetzin Gitta Kapotah announced the formation of a new community matchmaking service, Wedding Belz.
"We must protect our Belz," she said. "They're our family jewels." Contacted by Mr. Richard Feder of Ft. Lee, N.J.,
Rebbetzin Emily Littella of Bobov asked: "What's all this I hear about same-sox marriage?

Four Ways to Marry the Wrong Person

Leah's Poem - A Poem to American Jews