Monday, May 01, 2006
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Thursday, April 27, 2006
4 little ANIMALS
(You've got to love this little girl. What a woman she'll make!)
A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?"
A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want Out of life is four little animals, just like my Mom always says".
The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be?"
The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed and a jackass to pay for all of it."
The teacher fainted.
A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?"
A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want Out of life is four little animals, just like my Mom always says".
The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be?"
The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed and a jackass to pay for all of it."
The teacher fainted.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Monday, April 24, 2006
The NON-DATE date
The madness of dating, IMHO, is going out of control. Dates are becoming NON-DATES DATES.
This problem is not exclusive to any dating circle of age and/or level of religious practice.
In fact, even by the Ultra-Orthodox/Yeshivish Black Hat/Hasidish/Heimish this has become the style. Everything is done with an attitude and in a place under the guise because we do not want to hurt the other side. Therefore, if it is not a date date, then the other individual will not get hurt.
How brainless is this?
uggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Loving Equally
Loving Equally By Nicole Peters, fifteen
My parents had been married for eighteen years and dating since my mother was fourteen. Their marriage had been on the rocks for as long as I can remember. They had talked about divorcing many times but never went through with it for the sake of their only child, me.
One of their last fights that I can remember was very physical. My parents destroyed all of each other's belongings, and it soon came to the point where there was nothing left in the house that wasn't demolished. There were holes in the walls and just pieces of everything covering the floor.
My father shoved my mother around and bruised her prettily badly, and I had to witness it all with my fourteen-year-old eyes.
Before I knew it, we were in court and I had to make the decision of whose hands to put my life into. I had to choose which parent I would live with every day. I felt like my heart was being cut out of my chest and my parents were tugging at each end of it. I loved both of my parents, and I knew one way or the other I was going to hurt one of them. After I thought for a while, I decided to live with my mom even though I knew my dad would be upset.
But it was much harder than I thought it would be. My mom was always talking about my dad and how terrible she thought he was. She still held a lot of anger inside of her heart, and she wanted to get back at my dad through me. I felt like she wanted me to love only her and to despise my father. Because I loved my dad, too, I was upset a lot and we started to argue all the time.
Nine months later, I went to live with my dad because my mother and I could no longer stand each other. I was blaming her for my feelings of confusion and anger. At first, it was better with my dad, but after only a week he started doing the same thing that my mother had been doing – only in reverse. My dad seemed to want me to have a lot of feelings of hatred towards my mother. I stuck it out at his house for a while. Then I began to see that he wasn't as interested in me as I thought that he would be. He never asked me when I would be home or who I was hanging out with. I had pretty much all the freedom I wanted. Without any curfews or rules, I began to feel like he didn't even care about me. I began partying too much, and my life was getting completely off track.
After I had a few fights with my dad and spent many nights alone, crying myself to sleep, I realized that I had to figure out what to do.
I realized that there were ups and downs about living with both of them. They both had their faults and made mistakes. Neither of them wanted to admit their own mistakes, and they were quick to point out the mistakes of the other. There was no way for me to decide who was right or who was wrong. I couldn't love one of them more than the other and leave the other one behind. I decided that I had to love both parents equally.
I could no longer let them influence me and take control of my feelings so easily. I began by asking them to please keep their feeling for each other to themselves. I think that they tried, but it didn't work. When that failed, I realized that I would have to do this myself. I'd just have to try and be strong and ignore what they said about each other. As soon as I made that decision, I felt more in control and my life began to change.
My mom and dad still say things out of anger about each other and they don't speak to one another. But do you know what? That's their problem. Not mine. I'm doing the best I can to be fair to both of them. In my life, it has been a welcome change to not get caught up in their personal battles, but to focus on loving them instead.
Reprinted by permission of Nicole Peters and Carol Skinner(c) 1999 Mary Saracino from Chicken Soup for the Preteen Soul by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Patty Hansen and Irene Dunlap. In order to protect the rights of the copyright holder, no portion of this publication may be reproduced without prior written consent. All rights reserved.
My parents had been married for eighteen years and dating since my mother was fourteen. Their marriage had been on the rocks for as long as I can remember. They had talked about divorcing many times but never went through with it for the sake of their only child, me.
One of their last fights that I can remember was very physical. My parents destroyed all of each other's belongings, and it soon came to the point where there was nothing left in the house that wasn't demolished. There were holes in the walls and just pieces of everything covering the floor.
My father shoved my mother around and bruised her prettily badly, and I had to witness it all with my fourteen-year-old eyes.
Before I knew it, we were in court and I had to make the decision of whose hands to put my life into. I had to choose which parent I would live with every day. I felt like my heart was being cut out of my chest and my parents were tugging at each end of it. I loved both of my parents, and I knew one way or the other I was going to hurt one of them. After I thought for a while, I decided to live with my mom even though I knew my dad would be upset.
But it was much harder than I thought it would be. My mom was always talking about my dad and how terrible she thought he was. She still held a lot of anger inside of her heart, and she wanted to get back at my dad through me. I felt like she wanted me to love only her and to despise my father. Because I loved my dad, too, I was upset a lot and we started to argue all the time.
Nine months later, I went to live with my dad because my mother and I could no longer stand each other. I was blaming her for my feelings of confusion and anger. At first, it was better with my dad, but after only a week he started doing the same thing that my mother had been doing – only in reverse. My dad seemed to want me to have a lot of feelings of hatred towards my mother. I stuck it out at his house for a while. Then I began to see that he wasn't as interested in me as I thought that he would be. He never asked me when I would be home or who I was hanging out with. I had pretty much all the freedom I wanted. Without any curfews or rules, I began to feel like he didn't even care about me. I began partying too much, and my life was getting completely off track.
After I had a few fights with my dad and spent many nights alone, crying myself to sleep, I realized that I had to figure out what to do.
I realized that there were ups and downs about living with both of them. They both had their faults and made mistakes. Neither of them wanted to admit their own mistakes, and they were quick to point out the mistakes of the other. There was no way for me to decide who was right or who was wrong. I couldn't love one of them more than the other and leave the other one behind. I decided that I had to love both parents equally.
I could no longer let them influence me and take control of my feelings so easily. I began by asking them to please keep their feeling for each other to themselves. I think that they tried, but it didn't work. When that failed, I realized that I would have to do this myself. I'd just have to try and be strong and ignore what they said about each other. As soon as I made that decision, I felt more in control and my life began to change.
My mom and dad still say things out of anger about each other and they don't speak to one another. But do you know what? That's their problem. Not mine. I'm doing the best I can to be fair to both of them. In my life, it has been a welcome change to not get caught up in their personal battles, but to focus on loving them instead.
Reprinted by permission of Nicole Peters and Carol Skinner(c) 1999 Mary Saracino from Chicken Soup for the Preteen Soul by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Patty Hansen and Irene Dunlap. In order to protect the rights of the copyright holder, no portion of this publication may be reproduced without prior written consent. All rights reserved.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Men strike back!
Men strike back!
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told.
I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
In the beginning, G-d created the earth and rested. Then G-d created Man and rested. Then G-d created Woman. Since then, neither G-d nor Man has rested.
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told.
I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
In the beginning, G-d created the earth and rested. Then G-d created Man and rested. Then G-d created Woman. Since then, neither G-d nor Man has rested.
Does anyone have a Married/Single/Divorced version?
YOURSELF
YOUR BUYER
YOUR LENDER
YOUR APPRAISER
YOUR TAX ASSESSOR
YOUR BUYER
YOUR LENDER
YOUR APPRAISER
YOUR TAX ASSESSOR
Friday, April 21, 2006
"We've only just met and already you're asking for things."
FOR ALMOST A YEAR I'd been commuting at rush hour on the busiest part of the New Jersey Turnpike. After doing battle with aggressive drivers and bumper-to-bumper congestion, I longed for human contact by the time I reached the toll booths at my exit. At first I'd tried to coax a nod or grin from the toll collectors with a cheerful "Good morning," but I rarely got a response and finally gave up. Then one day, my faith in the indomitable human spirit was restored. In response to my usual, "Receipt, please," the attendant deadpanned, "We've only just met and already you're asking for things."
--Contributed to "All In a Day's Work" by Rosemarie Noone
Why do we think that all or most of our expectations will be met by our "better half"? Is it because we had parents that spoiled us or the opposite?
Is it any wonder when we consume all the negative stories of relationships that we give up on marriage?
What about all these unrealistic romantic stories that get consumed for entertainment and all of a sudden it becomes expectations?
IMHO no romantic novels and or movies and etc., should be able to be had without a prescription, just like medical prescriptions!!!
--Contributed to "All In a Day's Work" by Rosemarie Noone
Why do we think that all or most of our expectations will be met by our "better half"? Is it because we had parents that spoiled us or the opposite?
Is it any wonder when we consume all the negative stories of relationships that we give up on marriage?
What about all these unrealistic romantic stories that get consumed for entertainment and all of a sudden it becomes expectations?
IMHO no romantic novels and or movies and etc., should be able to be had without a prescription, just like medical prescriptions!!!
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Can one date without dating?
When is it considered a date?
I find that this is a problem from both sides of the aisle.
It also seems to lack definition whether one is Religious or Non-Religious.
Actually everyone seems to have their own definition. No wonder 97% of people are afraid of dating.
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Friday, April 07, 2006
Wife being the mother syndrome?
What is the truth here, are men children or do women want to be mothers?
Why can't husband and wives define their relationships?
Thursday, April 06, 2006
"I am serving supper now !!"
"I am serving supper now !!" -
Is this a sign of servitude or is it a command? How did the word serve come in here, or was it always that the wife was a servant?
Does the fact that the husband was the "provider" make him the Boss/Owner/Lord?
Does the fact that the roles have changed or become equal redefine this marriage relationship? What about where the roles have NOT changed?
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
I am ready to marry a frog
Moshe was very frustrated and told his friend Yakov, "I can't take this dating business anymore, I am ready to marry a frog."
To this Yakov replied, "Why don't you kiss the frog and it will turn into a princess?"
"Can't", said Moshe, "She is shomer negiah."
To this Yakov replied, "Why don't you kiss the frog and it will turn into a princess?"
"Can't", said Moshe, "She is shomer negiah."
Are woman that suffocating?
Are woman that suffocating, or is it just that men are using that for an argument?
How much attention is enough?
How much privacy are spouses allowed?
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
** Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2006**
Number 10 - Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8 - Men have two states: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Number 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Number 6 - Some people are like a Slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Number 5 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Number 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
Number 2 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
**AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2006**
We know exactly where ONE cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America. BUT we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration!!!
Number 9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8 - Men have two states: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Number 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Number 6 - Some people are like a Slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Number 5 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Number 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
Number 2 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
**AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2006**
We know exactly where ONE cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America. BUT we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration!!!
Forgot girlfriend's birthday?
Who was the 1st woman that got mad at her boyfriend for forgetting her birthday? How did this become worse than murder? How is this being perpetuated that it installs such fear in men?
I did research some history about birthdays and it was a idol worship type of practice. Does that mean that it was some woman who wanted to be worshiped as a god that started this? If that is the case, who was the first man that submitted to this?
Either way, is this a good enough reason to destroy a date and a possible good marriage?
Never to be turned down for a date?
I do find that MANY do not accept dates because they are afraid of being turned down. Therefore they turn down the suggested date first.
What has become common in some circles, that it has become a game of who can turn down more dates.
Need I say more?
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up after you and has a good job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other.
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up after you and has a good job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Jewish widow
A Jewish woman's husband dies. He only had $30,000 to his name. After everything was done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that there is none of the $30,000 left. The friend said, "How can that be?"
The widow said, "Well, the funeral cost me $6,500. And of course I made a donation to the shul ...that was $500, and I spent another $500 for food and drinks for the people when I was sitting shiva. The rest went for the memorial stone."
Her friend said, "$22,500 for the memorial stone? My God, how big is it?"
The widow said, "Three carats."
The widow said, "Well, the funeral cost me $6,500. And of course I made a donation to the shul ...that was $500, and I spent another $500 for food and drinks for the people when I was sitting shiva. The rest went for the memorial stone."
Her friend said, "$22,500 for the memorial stone? My God, how big is it?"
The widow said, "Three carats."
Monday, March 27, 2006
Sunday, March 26, 2006
HOW TO TALK ABOUT MEN NOW:**HOW TO REFER TO WOMEN NOW:
I would not usually post something like this. The language is not exactly "heimishe". What I did like about it is the creativeness of being able to use positive communication if one wants to? Although I do realize here the intent might not have been so, but it could have been.
The other point here is, if we do have this "hostile" view of each opposite gender, is it any wonder that we can not connect? In fact many accept the following as fact, which is kind of sad.
Is there a way that we can can focus on the positive side of us, and bring out the better side of each other?
HOW TO TALK ABOUT MEN NOW:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
3. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
4. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."
5. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."
6. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
7 He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."
8. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
9. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."
10. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE"
HOW TO REFER TO WOMEN NOW:
1. She is not a "BABE", "LADY" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED CANADIAN."
2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."
8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
The other point here is, if we do have this "hostile" view of each opposite gender, is it any wonder that we can not connect? In fact many accept the following as fact, which is kind of sad.
Is there a way that we can can focus on the positive side of us, and bring out the better side of each other?
HOW TO TALK ABOUT MEN NOW:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
3. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
4. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."
5. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."
6. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
7 He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."
8. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
9. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."
10. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE"
HOW TO REFER TO WOMEN NOW:
1. She is not a "BABE", "LADY" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED CANADIAN."
2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."
8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
Friday, March 24, 2006
Jewish dating ads
Shochet, owns successful butcher shop in Midwest. Doesn't believe women should be treated like a piece of meat.
Divorced Jewish man, seeks partner to attend shul with, light candles, celebrate holidays, build Sukkah together, attend brisses, bar mitzvahs. Religion is not important.
Sincere rabbinical student, Enjoys Yom Kippur, Tisha B'av, Taanah Esther, Tzom Gedaliah, Asarah B'Teves, Shiva Asar B'Tammuz. Seeks companion for living life in the "fast" lane.
Yeshiva bochur, Torah scholar, long beard, payos. Seeks same in woman.
Nice Jewish guy, No skeletons. No baggage. No personality.
Female graduate student, studying kaballah, Zohar, exorcism of dybbuks, seeks mensch. No weirdos, please.
Jewish businessman, manufactures Sabbath candles, Chanukah candles, havdallah candles, Yahrzeit candles. Seeks non-smoker.
Israeli professor, with 18 years of teaching in my behind. Looking for American-born woman who speaks English very good.
I am a sensitive Jewish prince whom you can open your heart. Share your innermost thoughts and deepest secrets. Confide in me. I'll understand your insecurities. No fatties, please.
Jewish Princess, seeks successful businessman of any major Jewish denomination: hundreds, fifties, twenties.
Desparately seeking shmoozing! Retired senior citizen desires female companion 70+ for kvetching, kvelling, and krechtzing. Under 30 is also OK.
Divorced Jewish man, seeks partner to attend shul with, light candles, celebrate holidays, build Sukkah together, attend brisses, bar mitzvahs. Religion is not important.
Sincere rabbinical student, Enjoys Yom Kippur, Tisha B'av, Taanah Esther, Tzom Gedaliah, Asarah B'Teves, Shiva Asar B'Tammuz. Seeks companion for living life in the "fast" lane.
Yeshiva bochur, Torah scholar, long beard, payos. Seeks same in woman.
Nice Jewish guy, No skeletons. No baggage. No personality.
Female graduate student, studying kaballah, Zohar, exorcism of dybbuks, seeks mensch. No weirdos, please.
Jewish businessman, manufactures Sabbath candles, Chanukah candles, havdallah candles, Yahrzeit candles. Seeks non-smoker.
Israeli professor, with 18 years of teaching in my behind. Looking for American-born woman who speaks English very good.
I am a sensitive Jewish prince whom you can open your heart. Share your innermost thoughts and deepest secrets. Confide in me. I'll understand your insecurities. No fatties, please.
Jewish Princess, seeks successful businessman of any major Jewish denomination: hundreds, fifties, twenties.
Desparately seeking shmoozing! Retired senior citizen desires female companion 70+ for kvetching, kvelling, and krechtzing. Under 30 is also OK.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
I'll know I'm a success when.....
How is it that having a great marriage is usually not called "success" ? Is it possible that it is unattainable? Is it because it is just too much "work"? Is it ignorance? Is it that most do not see any happy marriages?
Is this proof that "success" is a product of the "me" syndrome?
IMHO, it is attainable and it takes a lot work. In fact, every day is a new beginning of balancing giving and taking. Most people are not educated how to do that; therefore, we see few happy marriages.
I propose, as many others do, that before one sets out to date to get married they should take advice and education on how to. Then we will see marriage as being one of the successful endeavors.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Wanted: A Few Good Sperm
This NY Times article begines with a Jewish female's story;
One day last October, Karyn, a 39-year-old executive, pulled her online dating profile off JDate and Match.com, two sites she had been using, along with an endless series of leads, tips and blind dates arranged by friends and colleagues, to search for a man she wanted to marry and raise a family with. At long last, after something like 100 dates in the past 10 years and several serious relationships, she had found the man she refers to, tongue only slightly in cheek, as "the one." It all began last summer, when she broke off a relationship with a younger man who wasn't ready for children and got serious about the idea of conceiving on her own. She gathered information about fertility doctors and sperm banks. "Then a childhood friend of mine was over," she told me. "I pulled up the Web site of the only sperm bank that I know of that has adult photos. There happened to be one Jewish person. I pulled up the photo, and I looked at my friend, and I looked at his picture, and I said, 'Oh, my God.' I can't say love at first sight, because, you know. But he was the one."
What is the purpose of having children? Is it the same purpose for having Jewish children? Is there a different purpose based on what type of Jew one is?
Is it the same purpose of why women want children? Do men and women have the same purpose of having children?
When is the correct age to start having children?
Is the fact that today we have a "choice" as in "sperm banks and etc.", make us less serious in dating and/or compromising in the choice of our choosing a spouse?
For me as a Shadchun, stories like this confirm to me why the dating scene has become so difficult. One of the questions I ask is; "How much time after the marriage would you start having children?". Most answer that they want to wait several years. It makes me wonder what is it that they truly want.
Then there is the simple question; is having children a purpose to get married in the first place?
One day last October, Karyn, a 39-year-old executive, pulled her online dating profile off JDate and Match.com, two sites she had been using, along with an endless series of leads, tips and blind dates arranged by friends and colleagues, to search for a man she wanted to marry and raise a family with. At long last, after something like 100 dates in the past 10 years and several serious relationships, she had found the man she refers to, tongue only slightly in cheek, as "the one." It all began last summer, when she broke off a relationship with a younger man who wasn't ready for children and got serious about the idea of conceiving on her own. She gathered information about fertility doctors and sperm banks. "Then a childhood friend of mine was over," she told me. "I pulled up the Web site of the only sperm bank that I know of that has adult photos. There happened to be one Jewish person. I pulled up the photo, and I looked at my friend, and I looked at his picture, and I said, 'Oh, my God.' I can't say love at first sight, because, you know. But he was the one."
What is the purpose of having children? Is it the same purpose for having Jewish children? Is there a different purpose based on what type of Jew one is?
Is it the same purpose of why women want children? Do men and women have the same purpose of having children?
When is the correct age to start having children?
Is the fact that today we have a "choice" as in "sperm banks and etc.", make us less serious in dating and/or compromising in the choice of our choosing a spouse?
For me as a Shadchun, stories like this confirm to me why the dating scene has become so difficult. One of the questions I ask is; "How much time after the marriage would you start having children?". Most answer that they want to wait several years. It makes me wonder what is it that they truly want.
Then there is the simple question; is having children a purpose to get married in the first place?
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Words From Famous Women ...
"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde." - Dolly Parton
"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job." - Roseanne
"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives." - Rita Rudner
"He tricked me into marrying him. He told me he was pregnant" -Carol Leifer
"I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog." -Wendy Liebman
"I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on." - Roseanne
"I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know THAT?" - Wendy Liebman
"I think-therefore I'm single" - Lizz Winstead
"Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." - Hedy Lamarr
"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." - Elayne Boosler
"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." - Gilda Radner
"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman."- Maryon Pearson
"Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel." -Bella Abzug
"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman." - Margaret Thatcher
"I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career." - Gloria Steinem
"Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry." - GloriaSteinem
"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." - Katharine Hepburn
"I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night." - Marie Corelli
"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" - Linda Ellerbee
"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house." - Zsa Zsa Gabor
"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job." - Roseanne
"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives." - Rita Rudner
"He tricked me into marrying him. He told me he was pregnant" -Carol Leifer
"I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog." -Wendy Liebman
"I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on." - Roseanne
"I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know THAT?" - Wendy Liebman
"I think-therefore I'm single" - Lizz Winstead
"Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." - Hedy Lamarr
"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." - Elayne Boosler
"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." - Gilda Radner
"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman."- Maryon Pearson
"Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel." -Bella Abzug
"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman." - Margaret Thatcher
"I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career." - Gloria Steinem
"Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry." - GloriaSteinem
"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." - Katharine Hepburn
"I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night." - Marie Corelli
"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" - Linda Ellerbee
"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house." - Zsa Zsa Gabor
Monday, March 13, 2006
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
got this joke from a friend
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
of driving.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
of driving.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Looking at "other" women?
This issue has always baffled me.
The ultra-orthodox are made fun of because they do not look at women. ON the secular side the women gets jealous and angry when their husband and/or boyfriend looks at other women.
If women do not want the men to look at other women, then why do they insist to go to places where there is no chance for the men to not look?
Another oxymoron, the woman is dressing or undressing to kill and she will be substantially hurt if not appreciated, while at the same time the husband cannot look!
Who is the problem here?
: )
Monday, March 06, 2006
The more women achieve, the less desirable they are?
Published: January 13, 2005
WASHINGTON
A few years ago at a White House Correspondents' dinner, I met a very beautiful actress. Within moments, she blurted out: "I can't believe I'm 46 and not married. Men only want to marry their personal assistants or P.R. women."
I'd been noticing a trend along these lines, as famous and powerful men took up with the young women whose job it was to tend to them and care for them in some way: their secretaries, assistants, nannies, caterers, flight attendants, researchers and fact-checkers.
Women in staff support are the new sirens because, as a guy I know put it, they look upon the men they work for as "the moon, the sun and the stars." It's all about orbiting, serving and salaaming their Sun Gods.
In all those great Tracy/Hepburn movies more than a half-century ago, it was the snap and crackle of a romance between equals that was so exciting. Moviemakers these days seem far more interested in the soothing aura of romances between unequals.
In James Brooks's "Spanglish," Adam Sandler, as a Los Angeles chef, falls for his hot Mexican maid. The maid, who cleans up after Mr. Sandler without being able to speak English, is presented as the ideal woman. The wife, played by Téa Leoni, is repellent: a jangly, yakking, overachieving, overexercised, unfaithful, shallow she-monster who has just lost her job with a commercial design firm. Picture Faye Dunaway in "Network" if she'd had to stay home, or Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction" without the charm.
The same attraction of unequals animated Richard Curtis's "Love Actually," a 2003 holiday hit. The witty and sophisticated British prime minister, played by Hugh Grant, falls for the chubby girl who wheels the tea and scones into his office. A businessman married to the substantial Emma Thompson falls for his sultry secretary. A writer falls for his maid, who speaks only Portuguese.
(I wonder if the trend in making maids who don't speak English heroines is related to the trend of guys who like to watch Kelly Ripa in the morning with the sound turned off?)
Art is imitating life, turning women who seek equality into selfish narcissists and objects of rejection, rather than affection.
As John Schwartz of The New York Times wrote recently, "Men would rather marry their secretaries than their bosses, and evolution may be to blame."
A new study by psychology researchers at the University of Michigan, using college undergraduates, suggests that men going for long-term relationships would rather marry women in subordinate jobs than women who are supervisors.
As Dr. Stephanie Brown, the lead author of the study, summed it up for reporters: "Powerful women are at a disadvantage in the marriage market because men may prefer to marry less-accomplished women." Men think that women with important jobs are more likely to cheat on them.
"The hypothesis," Dr. Brown said, "is that there are evolutionary pressures on males to take steps to minimize the risk of raising offspring that are not their own." Women, by contrast, did not show a marked difference in their attraction to men who might work above or below them. And men did not show a preference when it came to one-night stands.
A second study, which was by researchers at four British universities and reported last week, suggested that smart men with demanding jobs would rather have old-fashioned wives, like their mums, than equals. The study found that a high I.Q. hampers a woman's chance to get married, while it is a plus for men.
The prospect for marriage increased by 35 percent for guys for each 16-point increase in I.Q.; for women, there is a 40 percent drop for each 16-point rise.
So was the feminist movement some sort of cruel hoax?
The more women achieve, the less desirable they are?
Women want to be in a relationship with guys they can seriously talk to -
unfortunately, a lot of those guys want to be in relationships with women they don't have to talk to.
I asked the actress and writer Carrie Fisher, on the East Coast to promote her novel "The Best Awful," who confirmed that women who challenge men are in trouble.
"I haven't dated in 12 million years," she said drily. "I gave up on dating powerful men because they wanted to date women in the service professions. So I decided to date guys in the service professions. But then I found out that kings want to be treated like kings, and consorts want to be treated like kings, too."
WASHINGTON
A few years ago at a White House Correspondents' dinner, I met a very beautiful actress. Within moments, she blurted out: "I can't believe I'm 46 and not married. Men only want to marry their personal assistants or P.R. women."
I'd been noticing a trend along these lines, as famous and powerful men took up with the young women whose job it was to tend to them and care for them in some way: their secretaries, assistants, nannies, caterers, flight attendants, researchers and fact-checkers.
Women in staff support are the new sirens because, as a guy I know put it, they look upon the men they work for as "the moon, the sun and the stars." It's all about orbiting, serving and salaaming their Sun Gods.
In all those great Tracy/Hepburn movies more than a half-century ago, it was the snap and crackle of a romance between equals that was so exciting. Moviemakers these days seem far more interested in the soothing aura of romances between unequals.
In James Brooks's "Spanglish," Adam Sandler, as a Los Angeles chef, falls for his hot Mexican maid. The maid, who cleans up after Mr. Sandler without being able to speak English, is presented as the ideal woman. The wife, played by Téa Leoni, is repellent: a jangly, yakking, overachieving, overexercised, unfaithful, shallow she-monster who has just lost her job with a commercial design firm. Picture Faye Dunaway in "Network" if she'd had to stay home, or Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction" without the charm.
The same attraction of unequals animated Richard Curtis's "Love Actually," a 2003 holiday hit. The witty and sophisticated British prime minister, played by Hugh Grant, falls for the chubby girl who wheels the tea and scones into his office. A businessman married to the substantial Emma Thompson falls for his sultry secretary. A writer falls for his maid, who speaks only Portuguese.
(I wonder if the trend in making maids who don't speak English heroines is related to the trend of guys who like to watch Kelly Ripa in the morning with the sound turned off?)
Art is imitating life, turning women who seek equality into selfish narcissists and objects of rejection, rather than affection.
As John Schwartz of The New York Times wrote recently, "Men would rather marry their secretaries than their bosses, and evolution may be to blame."
A new study by psychology researchers at the University of Michigan, using college undergraduates, suggests that men going for long-term relationships would rather marry women in subordinate jobs than women who are supervisors.
As Dr. Stephanie Brown, the lead author of the study, summed it up for reporters: "Powerful women are at a disadvantage in the marriage market because men may prefer to marry less-accomplished women." Men think that women with important jobs are more likely to cheat on them.
"The hypothesis," Dr. Brown said, "is that there are evolutionary pressures on males to take steps to minimize the risk of raising offspring that are not their own." Women, by contrast, did not show a marked difference in their attraction to men who might work above or below them. And men did not show a preference when it came to one-night stands.
A second study, which was by researchers at four British universities and reported last week, suggested that smart men with demanding jobs would rather have old-fashioned wives, like their mums, than equals. The study found that a high I.Q. hampers a woman's chance to get married, while it is a plus for men.
The prospect for marriage increased by 35 percent for guys for each 16-point increase in I.Q.; for women, there is a 40 percent drop for each 16-point rise.
So was the feminist movement some sort of cruel hoax?
The more women achieve, the less desirable they are?
Women want to be in a relationship with guys they can seriously talk to -
unfortunately, a lot of those guys want to be in relationships with women they don't have to talk to.
I asked the actress and writer Carrie Fisher, on the East Coast to promote her novel "The Best Awful," who confirmed that women who challenge men are in trouble.
"I haven't dated in 12 million years," she said drily. "I gave up on dating powerful men because they wanted to date women in the service professions. So I decided to date guys in the service professions. But then I found out that kings want to be treated like kings, and consorts want to be treated like kings, too."
Sunday, March 05, 2006
A Bocher's proposal
I can say that I am getting dizzy at the creative shidduch process these days.
Here is a video proposal from Noach Klein to his bashert. Here is the Mazel Tov posted at onlysimchas.com
Is this going to begin a new trend?
Here is a video proposal from Noach Klein to his bashert. Here is the Mazel Tov posted at onlysimchas.com
Is this going to begin a new trend?
Friday, March 03, 2006
Are men dense or just clueless and ignorant?
Are men dense or just clueless and ignorant? Was it always this way?
My educated guess is that humans and especially women never had choices as today, therefore there was always the "status quo". Therefore women were a class like all classes.
Nowadays there are classes based on different possibilities and men have not caught up with this reality.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Soulmates -13 Steps to Love
by Rabbi Joshua Ritchie, M.D. Dean, Refuah Institute
Searching for a marriage partner often is a daunting process, full of difficult and painful experiences.
Many singles create shopping lists with all the qualities they believe their true Soulmates must have. They make their candidates jump through hoops as they search for the one that will make them happy. This screening does not guarantee a good marriage. All these check lists only make finding a mate harder, for who can possibly meet all the criteria? And when a candidate is found lacking, according to the list, a real Soulmate can be turned away.
What ensures a good, happy marriage? Experience and research reveals that the most important elements in a successful marriage are good midot (quality of character and behavior) and communication skills. My booklet, "13 STEPS TO HARMONIOUS RELATIONSHIPS", enumerates these essential qualities. This succinct list describes the skills that are so vital to nurture in oneself and to recognize in others.
You can find your Soulmate and live happily ever after with these 13 Steps:
13 Steps to Harmonious Relationships
Step 1. Be Understanding
Understand with empathy. Listen attentively, with compassion. Ask clarifying and open-ended questions to fully understand and to show your interest. Communicate your understanding with "active listening" and by responding in a non-critical and non-defensive way.
Step 2. Be Respectful
Honor each person by showing positive regard and respect. Relate to the essential goodness of each person, even when it is hidden. Recognize their great potential. Show them that you know how precious and valuable they are by expressing respect and appreciation.
Step 3. Be Sincere
Be genuine. Be really present with authentic and sincere interest. Share your best self, your highest feelings, your soulful connection, your caring and desire to help.
Step 4. Be Exemplary
Teach by example. Be a living example of what you want to teach. Inspire others with your positive attitude, joyful feelings and actions. Be a good role model.
Step 5. Be Clear
Communicate well. Speak their language, verbal and non-verbal, to build rapport, comfort and trust. For good communication, speak in ways that allows them to understand you, and in ways, such as by accurately summarizing and reflecting what they have said, so that they feel heard and understood.
Step 6. Be Encouraging
Praise other people's positive attributes and express admiration and appreciation for their talents, qualities, accomplishments, values and courage. Validate their feelings and normalize their reactions. Acknowledge and endorse their positive aspirations such as their desire to learn and grow.
Step 7. Be Supportive
Support and assist sensitively and compassionately with information, referrals, contacts, endorsements, backing, coaching, mentoring, teaching and training.
Step 8. Be Empowering
Empower others by supporting them in making their own decisions. Gently offer guidance in clarifying goals, considering consequences and choosing accomplishable steps. Their successes will increase their self-respect, confidence, sense of responsibility and empowerment.
Step 9. Be Prayerful & Optimistic
Optimistically trust in the essential goodness and growth of others .Visualize a harmonious relationship, seeing the other blessed in light and love, protected and growing. Prayers, blessings, affirmations and visualizations are powerful forces, benefiting everyone!
Step 10. Be Grateful & Gracious
Express your gratitude. Show your appreciation. Be specific with your thanks and gratitude in a timely fashion. Be grateful and acknowledge what others mean to you. Showing gratitude works wonders. Be gracious and find grace in the eyes of the Creator and of Mankind.
Step 11. Be Kind & Caring
Being kind and caring is our true calling, our soul's divine nature. The benevolent giving of ourselves, with kind gestures, caring attitudes, and actions, is a blessing and healing for those we give to, and are a blessing and healing for ourselves.
Step 12. Be A Good Friend
A good friend allows us to give, as well as to receive and feel appreciated. Even when friends are not equally capable, each has something to give the other. Creating opportunities for the other to give and gratefully receiving their gifts are the acts of a good friend.
Step 13. Be Loving
To love is to give, unselfishly, "l'shmah". It is noteworthy and not a coincidence that 13 is the Gematria of both Love and Oneness! God created us with love and He instructed us to love Him and His creation. Love is our soul's calling. Our destiny is to be loving, emulating the qualities of God. Love is nurturing & healing, stimulating emotional, spiritual physical growth & development.
Following the path of these 13 Steps in your search for your soul mate, you can expect to find, recognize and attract your Soulmate walking on the very same path
Searching for a marriage partner often is a daunting process, full of difficult and painful experiences.
Many singles create shopping lists with all the qualities they believe their true Soulmates must have. They make their candidates jump through hoops as they search for the one that will make them happy. This screening does not guarantee a good marriage. All these check lists only make finding a mate harder, for who can possibly meet all the criteria? And when a candidate is found lacking, according to the list, a real Soulmate can be turned away.
What ensures a good, happy marriage? Experience and research reveals that the most important elements in a successful marriage are good midot (quality of character and behavior) and communication skills. My booklet, "13 STEPS TO HARMONIOUS RELATIONSHIPS", enumerates these essential qualities. This succinct list describes the skills that are so vital to nurture in oneself and to recognize in others.
You can find your Soulmate and live happily ever after with these 13 Steps:
13 Steps to Harmonious Relationships
Step 1. Be Understanding
Understand with empathy. Listen attentively, with compassion. Ask clarifying and open-ended questions to fully understand and to show your interest. Communicate your understanding with "active listening" and by responding in a non-critical and non-defensive way.
Step 2. Be Respectful
Honor each person by showing positive regard and respect. Relate to the essential goodness of each person, even when it is hidden. Recognize their great potential. Show them that you know how precious and valuable they are by expressing respect and appreciation.
Step 3. Be Sincere
Be genuine. Be really present with authentic and sincere interest. Share your best self, your highest feelings, your soulful connection, your caring and desire to help.
Step 4. Be Exemplary
Teach by example. Be a living example of what you want to teach. Inspire others with your positive attitude, joyful feelings and actions. Be a good role model.
Step 5. Be Clear
Communicate well. Speak their language, verbal and non-verbal, to build rapport, comfort and trust. For good communication, speak in ways that allows them to understand you, and in ways, such as by accurately summarizing and reflecting what they have said, so that they feel heard and understood.
Step 6. Be Encouraging
Praise other people's positive attributes and express admiration and appreciation for their talents, qualities, accomplishments, values and courage. Validate their feelings and normalize their reactions. Acknowledge and endorse their positive aspirations such as their desire to learn and grow.
Step 7. Be Supportive
Support and assist sensitively and compassionately with information, referrals, contacts, endorsements, backing, coaching, mentoring, teaching and training.
Step 8. Be Empowering
Empower others by supporting them in making their own decisions. Gently offer guidance in clarifying goals, considering consequences and choosing accomplishable steps. Their successes will increase their self-respect, confidence, sense of responsibility and empowerment.
Step 9. Be Prayerful & Optimistic
Optimistically trust in the essential goodness and growth of others .Visualize a harmonious relationship, seeing the other blessed in light and love, protected and growing. Prayers, blessings, affirmations and visualizations are powerful forces, benefiting everyone!
Step 10. Be Grateful & Gracious
Express your gratitude. Show your appreciation. Be specific with your thanks and gratitude in a timely fashion. Be grateful and acknowledge what others mean to you. Showing gratitude works wonders. Be gracious and find grace in the eyes of the Creator and of Mankind.
Step 11. Be Kind & Caring
Being kind and caring is our true calling, our soul's divine nature. The benevolent giving of ourselves, with kind gestures, caring attitudes, and actions, is a blessing and healing for those we give to, and are a blessing and healing for ourselves.
Step 12. Be A Good Friend
A good friend allows us to give, as well as to receive and feel appreciated. Even when friends are not equally capable, each has something to give the other. Creating opportunities for the other to give and gratefully receiving their gifts are the acts of a good friend.
Step 13. Be Loving
To love is to give, unselfishly, "l'shmah". It is noteworthy and not a coincidence that 13 is the Gematria of both Love and Oneness! God created us with love and He instructed us to love Him and His creation. Love is our soul's calling. Our destiny is to be loving, emulating the qualities of God. Love is nurturing & healing, stimulating emotional, spiritual physical growth & development.
Following the path of these 13 Steps in your search for your soul mate, you can expect to find, recognize and attract your Soulmate walking on the very same path
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
The rock of my world?
My opinion is that many women's confidence and tolerance about themselves is up and of men is down, more than anytime in history before.
The difference of once upon a time and now is "purpose".
Once upon a time there was more religious purpose, whereas now that is less and the "me" religion is more in the focus.
Are men to blame for this? IMHO yes !! to a large degree.
To Men I say, wise up. To Women I say, do not forget your true purpose.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
celebrating that long?
A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table, until the wife asks, "Do you know her?" "Yes," sighs the husband. "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My Goodness", says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
"My Goodness", says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
Friday, February 24, 2006
Friday, February 17, 2006
Thursday, February 16, 2006
The word is spreading- "Listen" is the magic word
I love this. Somehow I do not get tired of the subject of communication. The key to begin communication is to listen, listen , listen and truly listen.
I hope I've reached 1 more person with this post.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Changing Attitudes? I hope so.
I stepped out of my sister's house into the pouring rain and made my way down the driveway. I had spent the day with her in Monsey and was now heading home to Boro Park. It was pitch dark and I was glad to step into the van that provided a door- to-door service from Monsey to Boro Park. The van was full except for one seat in the middle row. I sat down thankfully, glad to be on my way. I was tired from a full day of helping my sister prepare for a simcha and was thankful to be able to doze off.
Behin! d me two women were deeply engrossed in a conversation. I am not a curious person by nature and therefore paid no particular attention to their discussion. Suddenly I heard one of the women raise her voice and ask, "What do you think about the fact that these people are the parents of two children who are unwell, both physically and mentally? Would you let it bother you?"
Here I admit, I did perk up my ears and, although I looked straight ahead nonchalantly at the highway that unrolled in front of us for miles like a black ribbon, I sat upright and listened intently.
"She is a wonderful girl and everything that we are looking for. We are going to meet her parents at the end of the week. I have a strong feeling that this will end in a shidduch between their daughter and our son Moishe. Call it womanly intuition if you must."
Her companion answered, " I think you have the right attitude. This is something to which none o! f us are assured immunity. Why should a girl who is something special, be rejected because of her siblings' condition? It is nothing to be ashamed of. It is not something they chose! It was the work of Hashem and He never makes mistakes. Besides these two sons, they have a family of beautiful, healthy children, most of whom are married with lovely children of their own. Who are you, or for that matter, who am I, to judge what the future will bring? If it is bashert, it should be with great mazel and bracha!"
The first woman then related a story about a shidduch where the vort was about to take place, when the father of the kallah discovered that the chassan had a sibling with Down Syndrome. He was so upset and felt so "cheated" that no one had informed him that he refused to allow the engagement to take place! The boy later married a wonderful girl and this man's daughter did not find her basherte for many years. When she finally did marry, her first ! child was born with Down Syndrome.
Following this conversation, there was silence in the car. My cheeks were wet, partially from the raindrops still dripping off my rain hat, but there was another reason too. I was weeping silently with joy as I contemplated the great changes in attitude that have taken place in the years since my first two sons were born over thirty years ago and suffered massive brain injury due to lack of oxygen. After working with them for many years with little or no results, they had to be placed in an institution and I thought my world had come to an end. People did not speak about them in those days. It was a subject to be ignored, and we were very much alone. Now, thirty five years and many healthy, wonderful children later Boruch Hashem, I see, hear and read that it is a changed world. Our disabled children have emerged, and the subject is no longer taboo. There is sharing and caring out there. There is a greater understandin! g and acceptance, and even hands stretched out in assistance.
When we reached the outskirts of Boro Park the driver asked me for my address. I hastily gave an address some ten blocks away from my home and I got out of the van into the downpour that had not abated. I pulled down my rain hat discreetly and murmured a "good-night" keeping my head averted.
You see, dear reader, the lady sitting in the back of the van was scheduled to come meet my husband and myself at the end of the week to discuss the shidduch between our children, their son and our lovely daughter! Although I had heard wonderful things about her, I had never met her. My instincts, too, told me that this shidduch would come to fruition.
I did not want her to recognize me!
Anonymous.
P.S The children are now happily married and I never told my machateneste about that trip and the conversati! on I overheard on the van.
Behin! d me two women were deeply engrossed in a conversation. I am not a curious person by nature and therefore paid no particular attention to their discussion. Suddenly I heard one of the women raise her voice and ask, "What do you think about the fact that these people are the parents of two children who are unwell, both physically and mentally? Would you let it bother you?"
Here I admit, I did perk up my ears and, although I looked straight ahead nonchalantly at the highway that unrolled in front of us for miles like a black ribbon, I sat upright and listened intently.
"She is a wonderful girl and everything that we are looking for. We are going to meet her parents at the end of the week. I have a strong feeling that this will end in a shidduch between their daughter and our son Moishe. Call it womanly intuition if you must."
Her companion answered, " I think you have the right attitude. This is something to which none o! f us are assured immunity. Why should a girl who is something special, be rejected because of her siblings' condition? It is nothing to be ashamed of. It is not something they chose! It was the work of Hashem and He never makes mistakes. Besides these two sons, they have a family of beautiful, healthy children, most of whom are married with lovely children of their own. Who are you, or for that matter, who am I, to judge what the future will bring? If it is bashert, it should be with great mazel and bracha!"
The first woman then related a story about a shidduch where the vort was about to take place, when the father of the kallah discovered that the chassan had a sibling with Down Syndrome. He was so upset and felt so "cheated" that no one had informed him that he refused to allow the engagement to take place! The boy later married a wonderful girl and this man's daughter did not find her basherte for many years. When she finally did marry, her first ! child was born with Down Syndrome.
Following this conversation, there was silence in the car. My cheeks were wet, partially from the raindrops still dripping off my rain hat, but there was another reason too. I was weeping silently with joy as I contemplated the great changes in attitude that have taken place in the years since my first two sons were born over thirty years ago and suffered massive brain injury due to lack of oxygen. After working with them for many years with little or no results, they had to be placed in an institution and I thought my world had come to an end. People did not speak about them in those days. It was a subject to be ignored, and we were very much alone. Now, thirty five years and many healthy, wonderful children later Boruch Hashem, I see, hear and read that it is a changed world. Our disabled children have emerged, and the subject is no longer taboo. There is sharing and caring out there. There is a greater understandin! g and acceptance, and even hands stretched out in assistance.
When we reached the outskirts of Boro Park the driver asked me for my address. I hastily gave an address some ten blocks away from my home and I got out of the van into the downpour that had not abated. I pulled down my rain hat discreetly and murmured a "good-night" keeping my head averted.
You see, dear reader, the lady sitting in the back of the van was scheduled to come meet my husband and myself at the end of the week to discuss the shidduch between our children, their son and our lovely daughter! Although I had heard wonderful things about her, I had never met her. My instincts, too, told me that this shidduch would come to fruition.
I did not want her to recognize me!
Anonymous.
P.S The children are now happily married and I never told my machateneste about that trip and the conversati! on I overheard on the van.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
The prescription
A lady walked into a pharmacy and told the pharmacist that she needed some cyanide.
The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord, have mercy -- I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license, they'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription."
The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord, have mercy -- I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license, they'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription."
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Do I have a Girl for You!
A shadchan corners a yeshiva bochur and says, "Do I have a girl for you!"
"Not interested," replies the bochur.
"But she's beautiful!"
"Yeah?" says the bochur.
"Yes. And she's very rich too."
"Really?"
"And she has great yichus! From a very fine family."
"Sounds great." says the bochur. "But why would a girl like that want to marry me? She'd have to be crazy."
Replies the shadchan, "Well, you can't have everything!"
"Not interested," replies the bochur.
"But she's beautiful!"
"Yeah?" says the bochur.
"Yes. And she's very rich too."
"Really?"
"And she has great yichus! From a very fine family."
"Sounds great." says the bochur. "But why would a girl like that want to marry me? She'd have to be crazy."
Replies the shadchan, "Well, you can't have everything!"
A true story about Positive Behavior
A Story for Valentine's Day By Jo Ann Larsen
Larry and Jo Ann were an ordinary couple. They lived in an ordinary house on an ordinary street. Like any other ordinary couple, they struggled to make ends meet and to do the right things for their children.
They were ordinary in yet another way — they had their squabbles. Much of their conversation concerned what was wrong in their marriage and who was to blame.
Until one day when a most extraordinary event took place.
"You know, Jo Ann, I've got a magic chest of drawers. Every time I open them, they're full of socks and underwear," Larry said. "I want to thank you for filling them all these years."
Jo Ann stared at her husband over the top of her glasses. "What do you want, Larry?"
"Nothing. I just want you to know I appreciate those magic drawers."
This wasn't the first time Larry had done something odd, so Jo Ann pushed the incident out of her mind until a few days later.
"Jo Ann, thank you for recording so many correct check numbers in the ledger this month. You put down the right numbers 15 out of 16 times. That's a record."
Disbelieving what she had heard, Jo Ann looked up from her mending. "Larry, you're always complaining about my recording the wrong check numbers. Why stop now?"
"No reason. I just wanted you to know I appreciate the effort you're making."
Jo Ann shook her head and went back to her mending. "What's got into him?" she mumbled to herself.
Nevertheless, the next day when Jo Ann wrote a check at the grocery store, she glanced at her checkbook to confirm that she had put down the right check number. "Why do I suddenly care about those dumb check numbers?" she asked herself.
She tried to disregard the incident, but Larry's strange behavior intensified.
"Jo Ann, that was a great dinner," he said one evening. "I appreciate all your effort. Why, in the past 15 years I'll bet you've fixed over 14,000 meals for me and the kids."
Then "Gee, Jo Ann, the house looks spiffy. You've really worked hard to get it looking so good." And even "Thanks, Jo Ann, for just being you. I really enjoy your company."
Jo Ann was growing worried. "Where's the sarcasm, the criticism?" she wondered.
Her fears that something peculiar was happening to her husband were confirmed by 16-year-old Shelly, who complained, "Dad's gone bonkers, Mom. He just told me I looked nice. With all this makeup and these sloppy clothes, he still said it. That's not Dad, Mom. What's wrong with him?"
Whatever was wrong, Larry didn't get over it. Day in and day out he continued focusing on the positive.
Over the weeks, Jo Ann grew more accustomed to her mate's unusual behavior and occasionally even gave him a grudging "Thank you." She prided herself on taking it all in stride, until one day something so peculiar happened, she became completely discombobulated:
"I want you to take a break," Larry said. "I am going to do the dishes. So please take your hands off that frying pan and leave the kitchen."
(Long, long pause.) "Thank you, Larry. Thank you very much!"
Jo Ann's step was now a little lighter, her self-confidence higher and once in a while she hummed. She didn't seem to have as many blue moods anymore. "I rather like Larry's new behavior," she thought.
That would be the end of the story except one day another most extraordinary event took place. This time it was Jo Ann who spoke.
"Larry," she said, "I want to thank you for going to work and providing for us all these years. I don't think I've ever told you how much I appreciate it."
Larry has never revealed the reason for his dramatic change of behavior no matter how hard Jo Ann has pushed for an answer, and so it will likely remain one of life's mysteries. But it's one I'm thankful to live with.
You see, I am Jo Ann.
Reprinted by permission of Jo Ann Larsen (c) 1992 from Chicken Soup for the Soul by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen. In order to protect the rights of the copyright holder, no portion of this publication may be reproduced without prior written consent. All rights reserved.
Larry and Jo Ann were an ordinary couple. They lived in an ordinary house on an ordinary street. Like any other ordinary couple, they struggled to make ends meet and to do the right things for their children.
They were ordinary in yet another way — they had their squabbles. Much of their conversation concerned what was wrong in their marriage and who was to blame.
Until one day when a most extraordinary event took place.
"You know, Jo Ann, I've got a magic chest of drawers. Every time I open them, they're full of socks and underwear," Larry said. "I want to thank you for filling them all these years."
Jo Ann stared at her husband over the top of her glasses. "What do you want, Larry?"
"Nothing. I just want you to know I appreciate those magic drawers."
This wasn't the first time Larry had done something odd, so Jo Ann pushed the incident out of her mind until a few days later.
"Jo Ann, thank you for recording so many correct check numbers in the ledger this month. You put down the right numbers 15 out of 16 times. That's a record."
Disbelieving what she had heard, Jo Ann looked up from her mending. "Larry, you're always complaining about my recording the wrong check numbers. Why stop now?"
"No reason. I just wanted you to know I appreciate the effort you're making."
Jo Ann shook her head and went back to her mending. "What's got into him?" she mumbled to herself.
Nevertheless, the next day when Jo Ann wrote a check at the grocery store, she glanced at her checkbook to confirm that she had put down the right check number. "Why do I suddenly care about those dumb check numbers?" she asked herself.
She tried to disregard the incident, but Larry's strange behavior intensified.
"Jo Ann, that was a great dinner," he said one evening. "I appreciate all your effort. Why, in the past 15 years I'll bet you've fixed over 14,000 meals for me and the kids."
Then "Gee, Jo Ann, the house looks spiffy. You've really worked hard to get it looking so good." And even "Thanks, Jo Ann, for just being you. I really enjoy your company."
Jo Ann was growing worried. "Where's the sarcasm, the criticism?" she wondered.
Her fears that something peculiar was happening to her husband were confirmed by 16-year-old Shelly, who complained, "Dad's gone bonkers, Mom. He just told me I looked nice. With all this makeup and these sloppy clothes, he still said it. That's not Dad, Mom. What's wrong with him?"
Whatever was wrong, Larry didn't get over it. Day in and day out he continued focusing on the positive.
Over the weeks, Jo Ann grew more accustomed to her mate's unusual behavior and occasionally even gave him a grudging "Thank you." She prided herself on taking it all in stride, until one day something so peculiar happened, she became completely discombobulated:
"I want you to take a break," Larry said. "I am going to do the dishes. So please take your hands off that frying pan and leave the kitchen."
(Long, long pause.) "Thank you, Larry. Thank you very much!"
Jo Ann's step was now a little lighter, her self-confidence higher and once in a while she hummed. She didn't seem to have as many blue moods anymore. "I rather like Larry's new behavior," she thought.
That would be the end of the story except one day another most extraordinary event took place. This time it was Jo Ann who spoke.
"Larry," she said, "I want to thank you for going to work and providing for us all these years. I don't think I've ever told you how much I appreciate it."
Larry has never revealed the reason for his dramatic change of behavior no matter how hard Jo Ann has pushed for an answer, and so it will likely remain one of life's mysteries. But it's one I'm thankful to live with.
You see, I am Jo Ann.
Reprinted by permission of Jo Ann Larsen (c) 1992 from Chicken Soup for the Soul by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen. In order to protect the rights of the copyright holder, no portion of this publication may be reproduced without prior written consent. All rights reserved.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Judge OKs wall for splittin' spouses
Judge OKs wall for splittin' spouses
By JOTHAM SEDERSTROM DAILY NEWS WRITER
It's the "War of the Roses," Brooklyn-style.
A judge has ordered a soon-to-be divorced couple to live unhappily ever after in the Borough Park home they shared for 18 years - by having a wall built smack dab in the middle of their dining room.
Millionaire sweater manufacturer Simon Taub was granted permission during divorce proceedings in August to divide the home with sheetrock walls, so he wouldn't have to relinquish it to wife, Chana Taub.
Simon, 57, would have his own kitchen, bedroom and bathroom in a 900-square-foot area on two floors of the 49th St. home.
"I don't wish this on anybody," said Chana Taub, 56, whose husband owns homes across the borough, including the house next door. "I hope God will help, and somebody will straighten out this whole thing."
Chana Taub has appealed Judge Sarah Krauss' ruling. But if the decision is upheld, the former lovebirds could be walking into the same home, divided in two - just like in the 1989 film starring Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner.
The wall drama began in August when Krauss granted the wife an order of protection against Simon Taub, who owns TechKnits Inc. of Williamsburg.
But citing the husband's heart condition, Krauss approved his bid to build the wall, saying, "I am not going to be excluding him entirely from his home.
"The best way to deal with this is to split the home," Krauss said, according to court documents - even though the husband owns the house next door.
Krauss, who recused herself in December following objections from Chana Taub's attorney, Susan Settenbrino, also offered a court-mandated outline for postmatrimonial bliss.
"Neither party shall interfere with any of the electrical, plumbing, phones or other systems located in their respective portions of the marital residence," Krauss wrote.
"No litigant should have to endure this kind of abuse," Settenbrino said of Krauss' decision. "There should be recourse for such orders without having to spend $200,000 [on the appeal]."
Simon Taub's attorney, Frank Snitow, said the wall would separate portions of two floors, but only give about 25% of the home to his client.
Snitow cited the home's proximity to Simon's doctor's office, a nearby synagogue and his four kids, two of whom still live in the house with his wife. "I don't think it's an extraordinary measure under these circumstances," he said. "This is one of the largest homes in Borough Park. You could even call it a mansion."
Talk about messed up. IMHO all the way from the judge, lawyer, to the participants this is about revenge and all.
Hashem should help us all.
By JOTHAM SEDERSTROM DAILY NEWS WRITER
It's the "War of the Roses," Brooklyn-style.
A judge has ordered a soon-to-be divorced couple to live unhappily ever after in the Borough Park home they shared for 18 years - by having a wall built smack dab in the middle of their dining room.
Millionaire sweater manufacturer Simon Taub was granted permission during divorce proceedings in August to divide the home with sheetrock walls, so he wouldn't have to relinquish it to wife, Chana Taub.
Simon, 57, would have his own kitchen, bedroom and bathroom in a 900-square-foot area on two floors of the 49th St. home.
"I don't wish this on anybody," said Chana Taub, 56, whose husband owns homes across the borough, including the house next door. "I hope God will help, and somebody will straighten out this whole thing."
Chana Taub has appealed Judge Sarah Krauss' ruling. But if the decision is upheld, the former lovebirds could be walking into the same home, divided in two - just like in the 1989 film starring Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner.
The wall drama began in August when Krauss granted the wife an order of protection against Simon Taub, who owns TechKnits Inc. of Williamsburg.
But citing the husband's heart condition, Krauss approved his bid to build the wall, saying, "I am not going to be excluding him entirely from his home.
"The best way to deal with this is to split the home," Krauss said, according to court documents - even though the husband owns the house next door.
Krauss, who recused herself in December following objections from Chana Taub's attorney, Susan Settenbrino, also offered a court-mandated outline for postmatrimonial bliss.
"Neither party shall interfere with any of the electrical, plumbing, phones or other systems located in their respective portions of the marital residence," Krauss wrote.
"No litigant should have to endure this kind of abuse," Settenbrino said of Krauss' decision. "There should be recourse for such orders without having to spend $200,000 [on the appeal]."
Simon Taub's attorney, Frank Snitow, said the wall would separate portions of two floors, but only give about 25% of the home to his client.
Snitow cited the home's proximity to Simon's doctor's office, a nearby synagogue and his four kids, two of whom still live in the house with his wife. "I don't think it's an extraordinary measure under these circumstances," he said. "This is one of the largest homes in Borough Park. You could even call it a mansion."
Talk about messed up. IMHO all the way from the judge, lawyer, to the participants this is about revenge and all.
Hashem should help us all.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
~ Let's Wear Purple Hats! ~
In honor of women's history month and in memory of Erma Bombeck who lost her fight with cancer, here is an angel sent to watch over you. Pass this on to five women that you want watched over. If you don't know five women to pass this on to, one will do just fine.
IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck(written after she found out she was dying from cancer).
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner." There would have been more "I love you's," and more "I'm sorry's."
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it ... live it ..and never give it back. Stop sweating the small stuff.
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.
Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with, and what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally. I hope you all have a blessed day.
Beautiful Women's Month
Age 3: She looks at herself and sees a Queen.
Age 8: She looks at herself and sees Cinderella.
Age 15: She looks at herself and sees an Ugly Sister (Mom I can't go to school looking like this!)
Age 20: She looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly"- but decides she's going out anyway.
Age 30: She looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" - but decides she doesn't have time to fix it, so she's go ing out anyway.
Age 40: She looks at herself and sees "clean" and goes out anyway.
Age 50: She looks at herself and sees "I am" and goes wherever she wants to go.
Age 60: She looks at herself and reminds herself of all the people who can't even see themselves in the mirror anymore. Goes out and conquers the world.
Age 70: She looks at herself & sees wisdom, laughter and ability, goes out and enjoys life.
Age 80: Doesn't bother to look. Just puts on a purple hat and goes out to have fun with the world.
* * * * * * * * *
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." (Will Rogers )
IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck(written after she found out she was dying from cancer).
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner." There would have been more "I love you's," and more "I'm sorry's."
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it ... live it ..and never give it back. Stop sweating the small stuff.
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.
Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with, and what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally. I hope you all have a blessed day.
Beautiful Women's Month
Age 3: She looks at herself and sees a Queen.
Age 8: She looks at herself and sees Cinderella.
Age 15: She looks at herself and sees an Ugly Sister (Mom I can't go to school looking like this!)
Age 20: She looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly"- but decides she's going out anyway.
Age 30: She looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" - but decides she doesn't have time to fix it, so she's go ing out anyway.
Age 40: She looks at herself and sees "clean" and goes out anyway.
Age 50: She looks at herself and sees "I am" and goes wherever she wants to go.
Age 60: She looks at herself and reminds herself of all the people who can't even see themselves in the mirror anymore. Goes out and conquers the world.
Age 70: She looks at herself & sees wisdom, laughter and ability, goes out and enjoys life.
Age 80: Doesn't bother to look. Just puts on a purple hat and goes out to have fun with the world.
* * * * * * * * *
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." (Will Rogers )
Sunday, January 29, 2006
we need a mensch
Frumster came up with this real catchy animation.
Would anybody care to share their experiences from that site?
Would anybody care to share their experiences from that site?
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Monday, January 16, 2006
To Be 6 Again
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.
I'd like to be six again, she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park.
What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's.
What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again?'
Her eyes slowly opened and her __expression suddenly changed.
I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
I'd like to be six again, she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park.
What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's.
What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again?'
Her eyes slowly opened and her __expression suddenly changed.
I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
Men Are Just Happier People
What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache..
You can do Holiday shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache..
You can do Holiday shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Single By Choice One Man's Gripe
Single By Choice
One Man's Gripe
Women keep upgrading their formula for Mr. Right
By WALTER KIRN
Aug. 28, 2000
Whatever it is that women want in men, two things are certain: a) it changes annually, and b) women never seem to find it. In the '70s, they looked for sensitivity. Then came a backlash. Strength was the ideal; then strength and sensitivity combined. And a willingness to commit, of course--without being clingy. Clinginess was fatal. A little success and power were welcome too, as long as the man in question wasn't controlling. Now, it seems that what's wanted is a soul mate, a sort of buff Buddha who's terrific in bed, who's on top of his health, his finances and emotions and can serve in a pinch as a spiritual adviser. It's a testimony to women's romantic natures that they really believe such men exist out there.
Human mating wasn't always this complicated. When it came to attracting a woman's interest, it used to be easy for a guy: get a good job and use deodorant. To be considered promising-husband material, a man didn't even have to be good-looking; he just had to have a job--and use deodorant. That was my father's world. It disappeared some time between the Beatles and the Eagles and didn't return. What replaced it was a shopping list. A long one, always subject to revision and spur-of-the-moment additions and deletions--the sort of list that women bring to supermarkets.
I once dated a woman, a New York artist, who went through her checklist for me, point by point. Her dream man needed to earn more money than she did--50% more, to be exact. He had to have a wide and varied social circle drawn from the city's upper echelons. Last, he had to be in therapy--not just any form of therapy, mind you, but classical Freudian therapy. I was flummoxed. Because I liked the woman, I set to work remaking myself according to her outline, but midway through my self-improvement drive, she dropped me cold. I was trying too hard, she said. My question to her was, Why would any man slave for riches, cultivate snobbish friends and lie down twice a week on a shrink's couch except to impress some woman? She couldn't answer this.
What hasn't changed over all these years is what men want in women. If the drama of sexual interest is a dance, it's a dance with a broomstick, men being the broomstick. They stand there, staring at a woman's chest, while the woman whirls around in circles, making requests and ticking off conditions. Come closer. No, give me space. Commit. Back off. Toughen up. Soften up. Lighten up. Get serious. It's enough to drive a guy to drink, but unfortunately contemporary women no longer find hard-drinking men attractive. This too will change, though.
In the meantime, men will continue to mold themselves to fit the ideal of the moment. Witness Al Gore. In his quest to attract the women's vote, he has tried everything from empathy to aggression, sports jackets to polo shirts. Poor thing. By trying to look strong, he risks appearing weak--a mistake I made once myself. I'm wiser now. Whatever it is that women want in men, they'll want something different next year, with one exception. They'll always prefer guys who use deodorant.
Walter Kirn is married
One Man's Gripe
Women keep upgrading their formula for Mr. Right
By WALTER KIRN
Aug. 28, 2000
Whatever it is that women want in men, two things are certain: a) it changes annually, and b) women never seem to find it. In the '70s, they looked for sensitivity. Then came a backlash. Strength was the ideal; then strength and sensitivity combined. And a willingness to commit, of course--without being clingy. Clinginess was fatal. A little success and power were welcome too, as long as the man in question wasn't controlling. Now, it seems that what's wanted is a soul mate, a sort of buff Buddha who's terrific in bed, who's on top of his health, his finances and emotions and can serve in a pinch as a spiritual adviser. It's a testimony to women's romantic natures that they really believe such men exist out there.
Human mating wasn't always this complicated. When it came to attracting a woman's interest, it used to be easy for a guy: get a good job and use deodorant. To be considered promising-husband material, a man didn't even have to be good-looking; he just had to have a job--and use deodorant. That was my father's world. It disappeared some time between the Beatles and the Eagles and didn't return. What replaced it was a shopping list. A long one, always subject to revision and spur-of-the-moment additions and deletions--the sort of list that women bring to supermarkets.
I once dated a woman, a New York artist, who went through her checklist for me, point by point. Her dream man needed to earn more money than she did--50% more, to be exact. He had to have a wide and varied social circle drawn from the city's upper echelons. Last, he had to be in therapy--not just any form of therapy, mind you, but classical Freudian therapy. I was flummoxed. Because I liked the woman, I set to work remaking myself according to her outline, but midway through my self-improvement drive, she dropped me cold. I was trying too hard, she said. My question to her was, Why would any man slave for riches, cultivate snobbish friends and lie down twice a week on a shrink's couch except to impress some woman? She couldn't answer this.
What hasn't changed over all these years is what men want in women. If the drama of sexual interest is a dance, it's a dance with a broomstick, men being the broomstick. They stand there, staring at a woman's chest, while the woman whirls around in circles, making requests and ticking off conditions. Come closer. No, give me space. Commit. Back off. Toughen up. Soften up. Lighten up. Get serious. It's enough to drive a guy to drink, but unfortunately contemporary women no longer find hard-drinking men attractive. This too will change, though.
In the meantime, men will continue to mold themselves to fit the ideal of the moment. Witness Al Gore. In his quest to attract the women's vote, he has tried everything from empathy to aggression, sports jackets to polo shirts. Poor thing. By trying to look strong, he risks appearing weak--a mistake I made once myself. I'm wiser now. Whatever it is that women want in men, they'll want something different next year, with one exception. They'll always prefer guys who use deodorant.
Walter Kirn is married
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
Dear Tech Support:
Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower, and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4, and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all-purpose utility is of only limited effectiveness.
Can you help, please!!
Sincerely, XXX
-------------------------------------
Dear XXX:
This is a very common problem women complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with the idea that Husband 1.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package.
However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0.
Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME". Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolate 7.8.
TECH TIP!
Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\I APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5 or worse yet, to Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!
Just remember, the system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3, and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly.
After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2, and BestFriend 7.6. A final word of caution! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherinLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherinLaw 1.0 is uninstalled. I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0, and we here at Tech Support wish you luck.
Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower, and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4, and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all-purpose utility is of only limited effectiveness.
Can you help, please!!
Sincerely, XXX
-------------------------------------
Dear XXX:
This is a very common problem women complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with the idea that Husband 1.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package.
However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0.
Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME". Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolate 7.8.
TECH TIP!
Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\I APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5 or worse yet, to Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!
Just remember, the system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3, and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly.
After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2, and BestFriend 7.6. A final word of caution! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherinLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherinLaw 1.0 is uninstalled. I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0, and we here at Tech Support wish you luck.
Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0
Dear Technical Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not work on this program. Can you help me, please!!!
Thanks,
A TROUBLED USER
-------------------------------------
Dear TROUBLED USER:
This is a very common problem men complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than with the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support".
I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. I suggest installing background application program C:\YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs).
You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of YES DEAR because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal.
The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0.
Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not work on this program. Can you help me, please!!!
Thanks,
A TROUBLED USER
-------------------------------------
Dear TROUBLED USER:
This is a very common problem men complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than with the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support".
I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. I suggest installing background application program C:\YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs).
You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of YES DEAR because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal.
The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0.
Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Friendship
Friendship between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
10 Commandments of Marriage
Commandment 1.
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3.
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!
Commandment 4.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Commandment 5.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.
Commandment 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Commandment 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish talking.
Commandment 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.
But the law allows only one wife.
Commandment 9.
Every woman wants a man who is handsome, understanding, economical and a considerate lover, but again, the law allows only one husband.
Commandment 10.
Man is incomplete until he marries. After that, he is finished.
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3.
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!
Commandment 4.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Commandment 5.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.
Commandment 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Commandment 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish talking.
Commandment 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.
But the law allows only one wife.
Commandment 9.
Every woman wants a man who is handsome, understanding, economical and a considerate lover, but again, the law allows only one husband.
Commandment 10.
Man is incomplete until he marries. After that, he is finished.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
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