2 GET and 2 GIVE creates 2 many problems. But if you just double it
=
4 GET and 4 GIVE all the problems are solved!!
(anonymous)
Friday, January 28, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Relationships... square and check mark
Relationships...
Professor draws on chalk board a big square and makes a check mark inside of it.
He then draws a miniscule box and asks a woman to make a checkmark inside of it. The woman replies no because the box is too little.
He then asks a man who replies that it's the chalk that is too big!
Professor draws on chalk board a big square and makes a check mark inside of it.
He then draws a miniscule box and asks a woman to make a checkmark inside of it. The woman replies no because the box is too little.
He then asks a man who replies that it's the chalk that is too big!
Friday, January 21, 2011
“Hereby Resolved…” A Father’s Kabbalos by Dr. Jerry Lob
I will remember that I am your Tatty (father) and that I love you.
I will remember that you are a child.
I will find ways to show you that you are loved. I will say “I love you” more often and I will express it in other ways as well, perhaps with touch, tone of voice, smile, look on my face, and by giving of my time.
I will not degrade you, laugh at you, ridicule you in any way.
I will say “I am sorry” when I’m wrong.
I will criticize less and focus more often on the positives in you.
I will look for the big picture, keep perspective, keep my eyes on the prize, the prize of a loving, caring, joyful relationship with you.
I will remember that you are fragile, that my words and tone of voice can damage and slice through you, that you are soft even when you act hard. I will not be fooled when you act uncaring. I know different and I will remember.
I will tell you directly and assertively when I disagree with you, but not in a rage, and not with sarcasm, and with no eye rolling.
I will not hit you, no matter what. I will remember the words of Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe, shlita, that in this era it is prohibited to hit our children, that it will lead to their hatred. And the words of my Rebbi, the Rosh Hayeshiva Rabbi Yitzchok Feigelstock, shlita, that in this generation we need to follow the derech of warmth, no hitting.
* * *
I will smile more to you. I will smile more, period.
I will be attuned and more open to feel joy about you, to revel in your very existence. And I will display this joy more often.
I will respect you. I will respect your feelings, your need for space and privacy. I will respect your dignity. I will respect your opinions and your decisions, though at times I may overrule them (in your younger years).
I will be more patient. I will be more patient. I will be more patient. I will think often of Hashem’s midda of erech apayim (slow in anger).
I will set appropriate boundaries for you, for your safety, for your growth, for your ruchniyus, and I will not shirk my responsibility. And I will remember that it’s OK for you to be upset with me. I do this out of love.
I will remember that you are a work in progress, not a finished product, and while your pronouncements may sound secure, confident, finished, they’re not. I will patiently wait for you, with anticipation and some trepidation, through your journey.
I will be less concerned with kibbud av, and more concerned with kavod habrios (you are my most precious briya) and I will remember the Mishna that kavod comes to those who give it to others.
I will choose my battles and try to remember that the battles themselves are not personal, but part of the miracle of your growth. And I will learn to bite my tongue more.
I will be more loving to Mommy and always respectful to her. I will remember the look on your face when I’ve said something hurtful to her. I will make more effort to bring joy into our family, to bring to our home a spirit of song.
I will remember that no matter your age, you still look to me (as I look to my father), and what is important is not so much the information I impart to you, but who I am to you.
I will not take revenge when I am hurt. Even if you have intentionally hurt me and even if I am so angry, so very angry, I will not respond in kind. I will remember that I am the parent and you are the child. I will try to find quiet and calm. I will not give you the silent treatment, either. I will ask for your apology, but I will not take revenge.
I will laugh more. I will be on the lookout to laugh more with you. At times I will try to laugh at myself.
I will remember the sparkle in my father’s eyes when he saw me or introduced me to others, the sparkle that spoke more eloquently than words of his pride. And I will sparkle for you.
I will play more with you. I will give you your own time with me everyday even if only for a few minutes.
I will learn more with you. And I will try to make this time warm and joyous and not full of tension and anger.
I will be determined to be proud of you. I will see your inner beauty, not your grades or how you look, but your neshama, your goodness, your kindness, your unique strengths, skills, and talents. I will remember that each child is different and may have a different derech. I will love you because you are, not because you do. And not because of what you give to me.
I will attempt to bring more joy into Shabbos and Yom Tov and into Yiddishkeit. I will remember that it is my simcha in Torah and mitzvos that will draw you to them, my enthusiasm that will generate yours, and it is my love of Hashem that will deepen your love of Hashem.
I will take an interest in your life. If you share it with me, I will feel joy in your joys and sadness in your sorrows. I will not make light of your reactions. I will take you seriously. I will be available for you and will be respectful if you choose not to share.
* * *
I will not look at you with disgust. I will not call you names. You are my child.
I will not try to break your spirit. I will try to embrace, celebrate and guide your spirit.
I will not ignore your suffering. I will put aside my work and my tiredness and my chessed work and even my learning to be there for you, whenever you need me. You are my most important mitzva.
I will look deep into myself and remember how painful childhood and adolescence can be, and I will honor you and support you. I will not abandon you when you need me most, even when it feels like you are pushing me away.
I will have more fun with you and I will remember that our shared laughter and love brings the Shechina.
I will remember that I am your Tatty,
and that I love you.
I will remember that you are a child.
I will find ways to show you that you are loved. I will say “I love you” more often and I will express it in other ways as well, perhaps with touch, tone of voice, smile, look on my face, and by giving of my time.
I will not degrade you, laugh at you, ridicule you in any way.
I will say “I am sorry” when I’m wrong.
I will criticize less and focus more often on the positives in you.
I will look for the big picture, keep perspective, keep my eyes on the prize, the prize of a loving, caring, joyful relationship with you.
I will remember that you are fragile, that my words and tone of voice can damage and slice through you, that you are soft even when you act hard. I will not be fooled when you act uncaring. I know different and I will remember.
I will tell you directly and assertively when I disagree with you, but not in a rage, and not with sarcasm, and with no eye rolling.
I will not hit you, no matter what. I will remember the words of Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe, shlita, that in this era it is prohibited to hit our children, that it will lead to their hatred. And the words of my Rebbi, the Rosh Hayeshiva Rabbi Yitzchok Feigelstock, shlita, that in this generation we need to follow the derech of warmth, no hitting.
* * *
I will smile more to you. I will smile more, period.
I will be attuned and more open to feel joy about you, to revel in your very existence. And I will display this joy more often.
I will respect you. I will respect your feelings, your need for space and privacy. I will respect your dignity. I will respect your opinions and your decisions, though at times I may overrule them (in your younger years).
I will be more patient. I will be more patient. I will be more patient. I will think often of Hashem’s midda of erech apayim (slow in anger).
I will set appropriate boundaries for you, for your safety, for your growth, for your ruchniyus, and I will not shirk my responsibility. And I will remember that it’s OK for you to be upset with me. I do this out of love.
I will remember that you are a work in progress, not a finished product, and while your pronouncements may sound secure, confident, finished, they’re not. I will patiently wait for you, with anticipation and some trepidation, through your journey.
I will be less concerned with kibbud av, and more concerned with kavod habrios (you are my most precious briya) and I will remember the Mishna that kavod comes to those who give it to others.
I will choose my battles and try to remember that the battles themselves are not personal, but part of the miracle of your growth. And I will learn to bite my tongue more.
I will be more loving to Mommy and always respectful to her. I will remember the look on your face when I’ve said something hurtful to her. I will make more effort to bring joy into our family, to bring to our home a spirit of song.
I will remember that no matter your age, you still look to me (as I look to my father), and what is important is not so much the information I impart to you, but who I am to you.
I will not take revenge when I am hurt. Even if you have intentionally hurt me and even if I am so angry, so very angry, I will not respond in kind. I will remember that I am the parent and you are the child. I will try to find quiet and calm. I will not give you the silent treatment, either. I will ask for your apology, but I will not take revenge.
I will laugh more. I will be on the lookout to laugh more with you. At times I will try to laugh at myself.
I will remember the sparkle in my father’s eyes when he saw me or introduced me to others, the sparkle that spoke more eloquently than words of his pride. And I will sparkle for you.
I will play more with you. I will give you your own time with me everyday even if only for a few minutes.
I will learn more with you. And I will try to make this time warm and joyous and not full of tension and anger.
I will be determined to be proud of you. I will see your inner beauty, not your grades or how you look, but your neshama, your goodness, your kindness, your unique strengths, skills, and talents. I will remember that each child is different and may have a different derech. I will love you because you are, not because you do. And not because of what you give to me.
I will attempt to bring more joy into Shabbos and Yom Tov and into Yiddishkeit. I will remember that it is my simcha in Torah and mitzvos that will draw you to them, my enthusiasm that will generate yours, and it is my love of Hashem that will deepen your love of Hashem.
I will take an interest in your life. If you share it with me, I will feel joy in your joys and sadness in your sorrows. I will not make light of your reactions. I will take you seriously. I will be available for you and will be respectful if you choose not to share.
* * *
I will not look at you with disgust. I will not call you names. You are my child.
I will not try to break your spirit. I will try to embrace, celebrate and guide your spirit.
I will not ignore your suffering. I will put aside my work and my tiredness and my chessed work and even my learning to be there for you, whenever you need me. You are my most important mitzva.
I will look deep into myself and remember how painful childhood and adolescence can be, and I will honor you and support you. I will not abandon you when you need me most, even when it feels like you are pushing me away.
I will have more fun with you and I will remember that our shared laughter and love brings the Shechina.
I will remember that I am your Tatty,
and that I love you.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women and Men......................
Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean...)
10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You are one Jurassic geezer.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)
6. I've got a boyfriend (who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's).
5. I don't date men where I work. (Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)
4. It's not you, it's me. (It's not me, it's you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)
...and the number 1 rejection line given by women (and what it actually means)
1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male perspective thing.)
___________________________________________________
In response... The male perspective on the same issue ...
Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men (and what they actually mean...)
10. I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.)
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.)
6. I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.)
5. I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.)
4. It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.)
2. I'm celibate. (You're ugly.)
...and the number 1 rejection line given by men (and what it actually means)
1. Let's be friends. (You're sinfully ugly.)
10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You are one Jurassic geezer.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)
6. I've got a boyfriend (who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's).
5. I don't date men where I work. (Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)
4. It's not you, it's me. (It's not me, it's you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)
...and the number 1 rejection line given by women (and what it actually means)
1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male perspective thing.)
___________________________________________________
In response... The male perspective on the same issue ...
Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men (and what they actually mean...)
10. I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.)
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.)
6. I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.)
5. I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.)
4. It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.)
2. I'm celibate. (You're ugly.)
...and the number 1 rejection line given by men (and what it actually means)
1. Let's be friends. (You're sinfully ugly.)
Monday, January 17, 2011
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
DEAF WIFE....."priceless "
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A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. "Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response." That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?" No response.. So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again he gets no response. So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?" (I just love this) "Ralph, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!" |
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Dear Tech Support:
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and HouseCleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
--Desperate
***
Dear Desperate,
Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Try to enter the command: C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence2.5, Happyhour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" wave files. DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0 and Lingerie 5.3.
Good Luck! Tech Support
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and HouseCleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
--Desperate
***
Dear Desperate,
Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Try to enter the command: C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence2.5, Happyhour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" wave files. DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0 and Lingerie 5.3.
Good Luck! Tech Support
Monday, December 20, 2010
.................... is the chief cause of divorce
Groucho Marx:
"Marriage is the chief cause of divorce."
"Marriage is the chief cause of divorce."
Monday, December 13, 2010
Marriage and Love
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Haredi women go under the knife
Haredi women go under the knife
Kind of interesting as how "in your face" type of reporting has been upgraded to "chutzpah". The key words being "slowly" and "says Doctor".
"Slowly"-the article suggest/admits is 2% !!!!
"Says Doctor"- so, how much money was paid for this article/advertisement ????
Does the average person, read and understand what's going on here ?
The other big question, how true is it when the article suggests that " Even compliments from her husband, sitting with the elders, do not lift her spirits anymore. " How many men compliment their wives in the first place ? Of course, because of the lack of compliments if one finally does give a compliment, they won't accept it.
To Summarize:
1. More complimenting from both spouses, WITHOUT criticizing
2. don't wait for #1. - communicate effectively.
Monday, November 15, 2010
marriage seminar
While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Chaim and his wife Shira listened to the instructor declare, "It's essential that husbands and wives are aware of the things that are important to each other."He addressed the men, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
Chaim leaned over to his wife and asked in a whisper, "Kemach All-Purpose, isn't it?"The rest of the story is not pleasant...
Monday, October 25, 2010
It's not difficult to make a woman happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy.
A man only needs to be:
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
14. A sexologist
15. A gynecologist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
44. Compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. Give her compliments regularly
46. Love shopping
47. Be honest
48. Be very rich
49. Not stress her out
50. Not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Leave him alone
A man only needs to be:
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
14. A sexologist
15. A gynecologist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
44. Compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. Give her compliments regularly
46. Love shopping
47. Be honest
48. Be very rich
49. Not stress her out
50. Not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Leave him alone
Thursday, October 14, 2010
a real flatbush date ?
A real flatbush guy goes on a date with a really frum girl (too frum for him)!!!
they're out on their date having a decent time!!
then suddenly mid conversation, the girl says oh wow i forgot to daven mincha, i must daven before it's too late!!!
guys response, should i lend you my hat & jacket!!!
they're out on their date having a decent time!!
then suddenly mid conversation, the girl says oh wow i forgot to daven mincha, i must daven before it's too late!!!
guys response, should i lend you my hat & jacket!!!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Proof that Men Have Better Friends...
Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there
Saturday, October 09, 2010
Dating Games: Why do we want those we can’t have?
Dating Games: Why do we want those we can’t have? By TAMAR CASPI 10/08/2010 16:32
Maybe it’s the chase that attracts us, maybe we aspire to be with someone we consider above us – or maybe we’re just gluttons for punishment.
Sometimes it seems we are intrinsically wired to be attracted to those who aren’t really or readily available – emotionally, physically, financially or spiritually. We want what we can’t have, a cliché that is unfortunately and routinely true. Maybe it’s the chase that attracts us; maybe we aspire to be with someone we consider above us; maybe we’re just gluttons for punishment.
Whatever the reason, it happens to everyone without fail at some point in their lives, whether it’s a romance, a job, a house or an outfit.
When Julie met Jason at a networking event, she thought he was cute and sweet – but her interest was piqued when she found out he had a long-distance, longterm girlfriend. It should have turned her off and sent her looking in another direction, but instead she hoped the distance would end their relationship.
And lo and behold, Jason broke up with said girlfriend and pursued Julie. She was incredibly flattered and believed he was what she wanted. She thought she had found her beshert.
Three months and dozens of excruciating circumstances later, Julie understood why Jason’s previous relationship had lasted so long: because the girl didn’t live near him! Jason wanted to be with Julie all the time, and couldn’t understand why she would ever want to be alone or hang out with her girlfriends, without him. Julie had thought she wanted Jason – but she had been more attracted to his previous unavailability than to Jason himself. Once he became accessible (not to mention clingy), he wasn’t so attractive anymore.
She felt guilty about breaking off with him since he had ended a long-term relationship to be with her, but decided she had given it all she could and was starting to resent him.
I was in a situation a few years ago where once I realized what I wanted, it was too late.
After meeting Greg on JDate, I would receive regular calls from him, accept dates with him weekly, or sometimes more often, and even got him to accompany me to a wedding.
He was present but not overly involved, and his slight aloofness kept me interested, although I admittedly let him do all the work.
I liked him enough, but wasn’t ready to commit. I was new on JDate and enjoying all the attention I was receiving.
But as soon as Greg’s phone calls waned and plans stopped being made, I of course became more interested, and started calling him. And that of course pushed him even further away. He knew I had taken advantage of him, and had moved on.
Suddenly I wanted Greg more than ever, and he was nowhere to be found. (In fact, he married the next girl he dated.) Had I realized what I had when it was mine to take, the outcome might have been much different.
HERE’S THE phenomenon explained in simple terms: If you give your phone number out to two people in one night and Cutie No. 1 calls the next day, chances are you’re going to be left wondering more about Cutie No. 2. He is suddenly more appealing and more attractive; you start building him up to mythical proportions.
If Cutie No. 2 does finally call, you’re going to have a major letdown. And if he never does call, he (or she) will always and forever be levitated to an impenetrable perfection.
This cycle is hard to break until you’re really ready to meet someone and stop going after those who aren’t available.
Labeling someone “unattainable” doesn’t have to be a dent in your self-confidence.
It doesn’t mean he or she is out of your league, or that you aren’t good-looking enough or smart enough, or whatever it is you may have insecurities about. Rather you’re simply saying that it’s not a realistic endeavor and should be chalked up as such sooner rather than later.
It’s not that we shouldn’t go after the unattainable; but sometimes a challenge is just that, and nothing more. A guy with a girlfriend is a guy with a girlfriend. His allure is simply that he is everything you think you’re looking for – except he’s not single. Thus he’s not everything you’re looking for anymore. Make sense? When “it” works, it will be because both parties are ready and willing to meet someone.
Once you realize you are purposely going after what you know you can’t have – and stop doing it – you’ll start to look at your possibilities differently. People you would never have previously looked at because they were “too available” will suddenly start to be attractive because they’re searching for the same thing as you are: a relationship. These are the people you need to go after.
Remember – you’re available and you want someone who is also available, so you can become unavailable together.
Maybe it’s the chase that attracts us, maybe we aspire to be with someone we consider above us – or maybe we’re just gluttons for punishment.
Sometimes it seems we are intrinsically wired to be attracted to those who aren’t really or readily available – emotionally, physically, financially or spiritually. We want what we can’t have, a cliché that is unfortunately and routinely true. Maybe it’s the chase that attracts us; maybe we aspire to be with someone we consider above us; maybe we’re just gluttons for punishment.
Whatever the reason, it happens to everyone without fail at some point in their lives, whether it’s a romance, a job, a house or an outfit.
When Julie met Jason at a networking event, she thought he was cute and sweet – but her interest was piqued when she found out he had a long-distance, longterm girlfriend. It should have turned her off and sent her looking in another direction, but instead she hoped the distance would end their relationship.
And lo and behold, Jason broke up with said girlfriend and pursued Julie. She was incredibly flattered and believed he was what she wanted. She thought she had found her beshert.
Three months and dozens of excruciating circumstances later, Julie understood why Jason’s previous relationship had lasted so long: because the girl didn’t live near him! Jason wanted to be with Julie all the time, and couldn’t understand why she would ever want to be alone or hang out with her girlfriends, without him. Julie had thought she wanted Jason – but she had been more attracted to his previous unavailability than to Jason himself. Once he became accessible (not to mention clingy), he wasn’t so attractive anymore.
She felt guilty about breaking off with him since he had ended a long-term relationship to be with her, but decided she had given it all she could and was starting to resent him.
I was in a situation a few years ago where once I realized what I wanted, it was too late.
After meeting Greg on JDate, I would receive regular calls from him, accept dates with him weekly, or sometimes more often, and even got him to accompany me to a wedding.
He was present but not overly involved, and his slight aloofness kept me interested, although I admittedly let him do all the work.
I liked him enough, but wasn’t ready to commit. I was new on JDate and enjoying all the attention I was receiving.
But as soon as Greg’s phone calls waned and plans stopped being made, I of course became more interested, and started calling him. And that of course pushed him even further away. He knew I had taken advantage of him, and had moved on.
Suddenly I wanted Greg more than ever, and he was nowhere to be found. (In fact, he married the next girl he dated.) Had I realized what I had when it was mine to take, the outcome might have been much different.
HERE’S THE phenomenon explained in simple terms: If you give your phone number out to two people in one night and Cutie No. 1 calls the next day, chances are you’re going to be left wondering more about Cutie No. 2. He is suddenly more appealing and more attractive; you start building him up to mythical proportions.
If Cutie No. 2 does finally call, you’re going to have a major letdown. And if he never does call, he (or she) will always and forever be levitated to an impenetrable perfection.
This cycle is hard to break until you’re really ready to meet someone and stop going after those who aren’t available.
Labeling someone “unattainable” doesn’t have to be a dent in your self-confidence.
It doesn’t mean he or she is out of your league, or that you aren’t good-looking enough or smart enough, or whatever it is you may have insecurities about. Rather you’re simply saying that it’s not a realistic endeavor and should be chalked up as such sooner rather than later.
It’s not that we shouldn’t go after the unattainable; but sometimes a challenge is just that, and nothing more. A guy with a girlfriend is a guy with a girlfriend. His allure is simply that he is everything you think you’re looking for – except he’s not single. Thus he’s not everything you’re looking for anymore. Make sense? When “it” works, it will be because both parties are ready and willing to meet someone.
Once you realize you are purposely going after what you know you can’t have – and stop doing it – you’ll start to look at your possibilities differently. People you would never have previously looked at because they were “too available” will suddenly start to be attractive because they’re searching for the same thing as you are: a relationship. These are the people you need to go after.
Remember – you’re available and you want someone who is also available, so you can become unavailable together.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Husband Down
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them,’ demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'
On the PA system: 'Cleanup on aisle 25, we have a husband down.'
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them,’ demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'
On the PA system: 'Cleanup on aisle 25, we have a husband down.'
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
arguments and expectations
Any argument that a man and woman are involved in, the woman gets the last word. Anything a man says afterwards is the beginning of a new argument.
A man marries a woman, expecting she will never change, and she does. A woman marries a man expecting he WILL change, and he doesn't.
A man marries a woman, expecting she will never change, and she does. A woman marries a man expecting he WILL change, and he doesn't.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Big Boys Don't Cry, They Drink
Men More Affected than Woman by Ups and Downs of Relationships
Guys Take it Harder, Turn to Drugs and Alcohol
By COURTNEY HUTCHISON
Jun. 11, 2010—
Contrary to popular belief, men are more affected by a rocky relationship than their female counterparts, according to new research from Wake Forest University.
Research shows that women have a harder time coping with a breakup, but the guys are the ones who feel more stress and strain when the relationship hits a rough patch, researchers found. On the upside, men also get more of a psychological and emotional boost when the relationship is healthy.
"Common wisdom says that women are more hurt by problems in a relationship," says Robin Simon, lead researcher on the study and a sociologist at Wake Forest, "but we found that the benefits of support [in a relationship] and the disadvantages of strain are exaggerated for the men."
"Men are more sensitive than we often think they are," she says.
For the study, Simon and co-author Anne Barrett, associate professor of sociology at Florida State University, drew on mental health and relationship data from over a thousand college-aged youths in south Florida.
They found that while men often put forth a brave front in the face of a faltering romance, they were hurting emotionally more than the women were -- they just didn't show it in the same way.
While women tend to get depressed when they are hurt or upset, men express their distress through substance use or abuse, Simon says. In the study, the more relationship problems a guy had, the more likely he was to score high on substance abuse measures, including those that gauge emotional issues associated with drug dependence, she says.
These results may point to a societal shift in the way that young men today experience relationships, gender and relationship experts say.
"These boys are more likely to have experienced a divorce in their family," Simon says, "and this might make them more sensitive to the ups and downs of a relationship. They are more aware of the frailties of relationships than past generations."
The study was published in the June edition of the Journal of Health and Social Behaviour.
Big Boys Don't Cry, They Drink
Though these findings run counter to popular wisdom about the way men handle their relationships, gender and relationship experts were not surprised by these results.
"Women are more naturally expressive," says Audrey Nelson, author of "Code Switching: How to Talk so Men Will Listen." "We'll cry, show our feelings when a women is having a hard time, she has two or three friends she can talk to, to ease the pain. Men have the same feelings and emotions, but they have no outlet."
"One of the ten commandments of "masculinity" is 'thou shalt not be vulnerable,'" she says, "so they self-medicate the feelings with drugs and alcohol and drown their vulnerability, rejection, sadness."
Nelson says the difference between the sexes has to do with both how women and men are wired neurologically and taught socially.
Research shows that the region of a woman's brain related to compassion and empathy is larger than a man's, she says, so "straight out of the womb she's more nurturing."
Then, society trains girls to express their feelings -- though not their anger, she notes -- while men are taught not to cry, not to show vulnerability. In fact, she says "the only sanctioned emotion for men to express publicly is anger. It's no surprise that men turn to alcohol to numb the [unwanted] emotions."
Today's Boys: Generation Vexed?
The young men in the study were more likely to have "mothers employed outside the home, fathers absent or dependent on the mother's income, or a child of divorce" than past generations, Simon says.
This may be at the heart of why young men today may be more sensitive to the trials of a relationship, she says.
Alternatively, Frances Cohen Praver, an author and psychologist in Locust Valley, New York, says the gender difference might be because women are less sensitive to these issues today.
"Women are more autonomous and independent. They need to love and be loved, but they can get love from their friends and family," she says.
This might also be why men in the study benefited more from the support of a healthy romantic relationship -- because they were getting support they otherwise wouldn't get.
But the issue cannot be explained by the social support element alone, Simon warns. "We can't tease out whether it's their emotional development at this time in their life, or if it's this generation, or what," she says.
So as for what causes these emotional gender differences, "That's the million dollar question," she says.
Copyright © 2010 ABC News Internet Ventures
Guys Take it Harder, Turn to Drugs and Alcohol
By COURTNEY HUTCHISON
Jun. 11, 2010—
Contrary to popular belief, men are more affected by a rocky relationship than their female counterparts, according to new research from Wake Forest University.
Research shows that women have a harder time coping with a breakup, but the guys are the ones who feel more stress and strain when the relationship hits a rough patch, researchers found. On the upside, men also get more of a psychological and emotional boost when the relationship is healthy.
"Common wisdom says that women are more hurt by problems in a relationship," says Robin Simon, lead researcher on the study and a sociologist at Wake Forest, "but we found that the benefits of support [in a relationship] and the disadvantages of strain are exaggerated for the men."
"Men are more sensitive than we often think they are," she says.
For the study, Simon and co-author Anne Barrett, associate professor of sociology at Florida State University, drew on mental health and relationship data from over a thousand college-aged youths in south Florida.
They found that while men often put forth a brave front in the face of a faltering romance, they were hurting emotionally more than the women were -- they just didn't show it in the same way.
While women tend to get depressed when they are hurt or upset, men express their distress through substance use or abuse, Simon says. In the study, the more relationship problems a guy had, the more likely he was to score high on substance abuse measures, including those that gauge emotional issues associated with drug dependence, she says.
These results may point to a societal shift in the way that young men today experience relationships, gender and relationship experts say.
"These boys are more likely to have experienced a divorce in their family," Simon says, "and this might make them more sensitive to the ups and downs of a relationship. They are more aware of the frailties of relationships than past generations."
The study was published in the June edition of the Journal of Health and Social Behaviour.
Big Boys Don't Cry, They Drink
Though these findings run counter to popular wisdom about the way men handle their relationships, gender and relationship experts were not surprised by these results.
"Women are more naturally expressive," says Audrey Nelson, author of "Code Switching: How to Talk so Men Will Listen." "We'll cry, show our feelings when a women is having a hard time, she has two or three friends she can talk to, to ease the pain. Men have the same feelings and emotions, but they have no outlet."
"One of the ten commandments of "masculinity" is 'thou shalt not be vulnerable,'" she says, "so they self-medicate the feelings with drugs and alcohol and drown their vulnerability, rejection, sadness."
Nelson says the difference between the sexes has to do with both how women and men are wired neurologically and taught socially.
Research shows that the region of a woman's brain related to compassion and empathy is larger than a man's, she says, so "straight out of the womb she's more nurturing."
Then, society trains girls to express their feelings -- though not their anger, she notes -- while men are taught not to cry, not to show vulnerability. In fact, she says "the only sanctioned emotion for men to express publicly is anger. It's no surprise that men turn to alcohol to numb the [unwanted] emotions."
Today's Boys: Generation Vexed?
The young men in the study were more likely to have "mothers employed outside the home, fathers absent or dependent on the mother's income, or a child of divorce" than past generations, Simon says.
This may be at the heart of why young men today may be more sensitive to the trials of a relationship, she says.
Alternatively, Frances Cohen Praver, an author and psychologist in Locust Valley, New York, says the gender difference might be because women are less sensitive to these issues today.
"Women are more autonomous and independent. They need to love and be loved, but they can get love from their friends and family," she says.
This might also be why men in the study benefited more from the support of a healthy romantic relationship -- because they were getting support they otherwise wouldn't get.
But the issue cannot be explained by the social support element alone, Simon warns. "We can't tease out whether it's their emotional development at this time in their life, or if it's this generation, or what," she says.
So as for what causes these emotional gender differences, "That's the million dollar question," she says.
Copyright © 2010 ABC News Internet Ventures
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Legal Shmegal...
Legal Shmegal...
A divorce is like an amputation; you survive, but there's less of you
A divorce is like an amputation; you survive, but there's less of you
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