How Adam Got Eve

How Adam Got Eve 

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, G-d asked him, 'What's wrong with you?'Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
G-d said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said, 'This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash them for you She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you,and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.She will praise you!She will bear your children.and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.'She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love andpassion whenever you need it.'
Adam asked G-d, 'What will a woman like this cost?'
'An arm and a leg.'
Then Adam asked, 'What can I get for a rib
Of course the rest is history..... .......!! !!

Blessed are You, O God, King of the Universe, Who created everything for His glory (The Marriage Ritual).

The surging divorce rate in recent years is appalling. While the Torah indeed provides for dissolving a relationship, there has never been in Jewish history anything like the current number of failed marriages.

Perhaps the problem stems from the partners' primary goals as they enter marriage. In Western civilization, what is called "love" has been accepted as the cornerstone of marriage. Unfortunately, this "love" too often refers to an attraction for the partner because of how he or she can gratify the other's physical and emotional needs. If this primary goal is not adequately met, the cement of the relationship disintegrates, and secondary factors alone cannot maintain it.

In the past, the primary focus of a marriage was the establishment of a family. [The first mitzvah found in the Torah is be fruitful and multiply (Genesis 1:28).] While physical and emotional needs were important, they were not primary, but secondary. Hence, when problems of this nature did develop, the relationship was still held together by the primary binding forces, and these secondary problems could be rectified and resolved.

Today I shall ...
...

try to realize what the true primary goals of my relationship with others should be.

same-sects marriages

NEW YORK - In an unusual display of unity, leaders of five Chasidic groups today issued a joint statement in support of proposed state legislation to allow same-sects marriages.
The groups represented were Belz, Pupa, Satmer, Bobov, and Lubavitch.
"Of course we want same-sects marriages," said Rabbi Wurzma Shtreimel, head of the Belz movement. "A Belzer should marry only a Belzer. That makes perfect sense."
The other rabbis agreed.
"If a Satmer weds a Bobover, woe to their offspring," proclaimed Rabbi Praymita Gartel of Satmer. "What would their children be-Satovers?? That's totally unheard of."
The rabbis shared concerns about the dilution of their individual groups through intersect marriages.
"The Tanya warns us," said Rabbi Mendy Pantz of Lubavitch. "If a Lubavitcher marries outside his sect, his children lose half their heritage.
His son is not Lubavitch, just Vitch. And his grandson becomes a son of a Vitch." At a separate news conference, Chasidic women expressed similar concerns.
"It's less confusing when our kind marry their own kind," said Rebbetzin Donna Kittel, founder of a Pupa women's group, The Mamas and the Pupas.
To prevent intersect marriages, Belz rebbetzin Gitta Kapotah announced the formation of a new community matchmaking service, Wedding Belz.
"We must protect our Belz," she said. "They're our family jewels." Contacted by Mr. Richard Feder of Ft. Lee, N.J.,
Rebbetzin Emily Littella of Bobov asked: "What's all this I hear about same-sox marriage?

Four Ways to Marry the Wrong Person

Leah's Poem - A Poem to American Jews

Martin Baxbaum – Faces into their Hearts

The true beauty about a person is not the outer look, but rather the inner complexion. I was taught in my life not to judge a book by its cover; even till today, I feel each and every single person is beautiful in a certain way.
Beauty comes from the heart, the mind and soul, the willingness to give and accept imperfections. Perfect is simply a relative measure of imperfection, and vice versa. Hence, appreciate the dislikes and accept the critics, as they are the bearings of what beauty reflects upon them

2 GET and 2 GIVE creates 2 many problems. But......................

2 GET and 2 GIVE creates 2 many problems. But if you just double it
=
4 GET  and 4 GIVE all the problems are solved!!

(anonymous)

Packages

People who are wrapped up in themselves make very small packages.

Relationships... square and check mark

Relationships...

Professor draws on chalk board a big square and makes a check mark inside of it.

He then draws a miniscule box and asks a woman to make a checkmark inside of it. The woman replies no because the box is too little.

He then asks a man who replies that it's the chalk that is too big!

“Hereby Resolved…” A Father’s Kabbalos by Dr. Jerry Lob

I will remember that I am your Tatty (father) and that I love you.
I will remember that you are a child.
I will find ways to show you that you are loved. I will say “I love you” more often and I will express it in other ways as well, perhaps with touch, tone of voice, smile, look on my face, and by giving of my time.
I will not degrade you, laugh at you, ridicule you in any way.
I will say “I am sorry” when I’m wrong.
I will criticize less and focus more often on the positives in you.
I will look for the big picture, keep perspective, keep my eyes on the prize, the prize of a loving, caring, joyful relationship with you.
I will remember that you are fragile, that my words and tone of voice can damage and slice through you, that you are soft even when you act hard. I will not be fooled when you act uncaring. I know different and I will remember.
I will tell you directly and assertively when I disagree with you, but not in a rage, and not with sarcasm, and with no eye rolling.
I will not hit you, no matter what. I will remember the words of Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe, shlita, that in this era it is prohibited to hit our children, that it will lead to their hatred. And the words of my Rebbi, the Rosh Hayeshiva Rabbi Yitzchok Feigelstock, shlita, that in this generation we need to follow the derech of warmth, no hitting.
* * *
I will smile more to you. I will smile more, period.
I will be attuned and more open to feel joy about you, to revel in your very existence. And I will display this joy more often.
I will respect you. I will respect your feelings, your need for space and privacy. I will respect your dignity. I will respect your opinions and your decisions, though at times I may overrule them (in your younger years).
I will be more patient. I will be more patient. I will be more patient. I will think often of Hashem’s midda of erech apayim (slow in anger).
I will set appropriate boundaries for you, for your safety, for your growth, for your ruchniyus, and I will not shirk my responsibility. And I will remember that it’s OK for you to be upset with me. I do this out of love.
I will remember that you are a work in progress, not a finished product, and while your pronouncements may sound secure, confident, finished, they’re not. I will patiently wait for you, with anticipation and some trepidation, through your journey.
I will be less concerned with kibbud av, and more concerned with kavod habrios (you are my most precious briya) and I will remember the Mishna that kavod comes to those who give it to others.
I will choose my battles and try to remember that the battles themselves are not personal, but part of the miracle of your growth. And I will learn to bite my tongue more.
I will be more loving to Mommy and always respectful to her. I will remember the look on your face when I’ve said something hurtful to her. I will make more effort to bring joy into our family, to bring to our home a spirit of song.
I will remember that no matter your age, you still look to me (as I look to my father), and what is important is not so much the information I impart to you, but who I am to you.
I will not take revenge when I am hurt. Even if you have intentionally hurt me and even if I am so angry, so very angry, I will not respond in kind. I will remember that I am the parent and you are the child. I will try to find quiet and calm. I will not give you the silent treatment, either. I will ask for your apology, but I will not take revenge.
I will laugh more. I will be on the lookout to laugh more with you. At times I will try to laugh at myself.
I will remember the sparkle in my father’s eyes when he saw me or introduced me to others, the sparkle that spoke more eloquently than words of his pride. And I will sparkle for you.
I will play more with you. I will give you your own time with me everyday even if only for a few minutes.
I will learn more with you. And I will try to make this time warm and joyous and not full of tension and anger.
I will be determined to be proud of you. I will see your inner beauty, not your grades or how you look, but your neshama, your goodness, your kindness, your unique strengths, skills, and talents. I will remember that each child is different and may have a different derech. I will love you because you are, not because you do. And not because of what you give to me.
I will attempt to bring more joy into Shabbos and Yom Tov and into Yiddishkeit. I will remember that it is my simcha in Torah and mitzvos that will draw you to them, my enthusiasm that will generate yours, and it is my love of Hashem that will deepen your love of Hashem.
I will take an interest in your life. If you share it with me, I will feel joy in your joys and sadness in your sorrows. I will not make light of your reactions. I will take you seriously. I will be available for you and will be respectful if you choose not to share.
* * *
I will not look at you with disgust. I will not call you names. You are my child.
I will not try to break your spirit. I will try to embrace, celebrate and guide your spirit.
I will not ignore your suffering. I will put aside my work and my tiredness and my chessed work and even my learning to be there for you, whenever you need me. You are my most important mitzva.
I will look deep into myself and remember how painful childhood and adolescence can be, and I will honor you and support you. I will not abandon you when you need me most, even when it feels like you are pushing me away.
I will have more fun with you and I will remember that our shared laughter and love brings the Shechina.
I will remember that I am your Tatty,
and that I love you.

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women and Men......................

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean...)

10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You are one Jurassic geezer.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)
6. I've got a boyfriend (who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's).
5. I don't date men where I work. (Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)
4. It's not you, it's me. (It's not me, it's you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.) 
2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.) 

...and the number 1 rejection line given by women (and what it actually means)  
1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male perspective thing.) 
___________________________________________________ 

In response...   The male perspective on the same issue ... 

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men (and what they actually  mean...)  

10. I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.)
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.)
6. I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.)
5. I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.)
4. It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.)
2. I'm celibate. (You're ugly.)

...and the number 1 rejection line given by men (and what it actually means)
1. Let's be friends. (You're sinfully ugly.)

A wedding tragedy:

A wedding tragedy:

To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money!

DEAF WIFE....."priceless "

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A man  feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.   Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.        The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the  doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. "Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.   If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until  you get a response."  That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away,  let's see what happens."          Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?" No response.. So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey,  what's for dinner?"  Still no response.  Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet  from his wife and asks, "Honey,  what's for dinner?" Again he gets no response. So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for  dinner?" Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her.  "Honey,  what's for dinner?"  (I just love this)  "Ralph,  for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!"

Dear Tech Support:

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and HouseCleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

--Desperate

 ***

Dear Desperate,

Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Try to enter the command: C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence2.5, Happyhour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" wave files. DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance.  I personally recommend HotFood 3.0 and Lingerie 5.3.

Good Luck! Tech Support

.................... is the chief cause of divorce

Groucho Marx:
"Marriage is the chief cause of divorce."

Marriage and Love

Marriage...Marriage is an institution. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.Love...When we know to read our own hearts, we acquire wisdom of thehearts of others

Haredi women go under the knife

Kind of interesting as how "in your face" type of reporting has been upgraded to "chutzpah". The key words being "slowly" and "says Doctor".

"Slowly"-the article suggest/admits is 2% !!!!
"Says Doctor"- so, how much money was paid for this article/advertisement ????

Does the average person, read and understand what's going on here ?

The other big question, how true is it when the article suggests that " Even compliments from her husband, sitting with the elders, do not lift her spirits anymore. "   How many men compliment their wives in the first place ? Of course, because of the lack of compliments if one finally does give a compliment, they won't accept it.

To Summarize:
1. More complimenting from both spouses,  WITHOUT criticizing
2. don't wait for #1. - communicate effectively.

marriage seminar

While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Chaim and his wife Shira listened to the instructor declare, "It's essential that husbands and  wives are aware of the things that are important to each other."He addressed the men, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"

 

Chaim leaned over to his wife and asked in a whisper, "Kemach All-Purpose, isn't it?"The rest of the story is not pleasant...

It's not difficult to make a woman happy

It's not difficult to make a woman happy.

A man only needs to be:


1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
14. A sexologist
15. A gynecologist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
44. Compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. Give her compliments regularly
46. Love shopping
47. Be honest
48. Be very rich
49. Not stress her out
50. Not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes


HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Leave him alone

a real flatbush date ?

A real flatbush guy goes on a date with a really frum girl (too frum for him)!!!

they're out on their date having a decent time!!

then suddenly mid conversation, the girl says oh wow i forgot to daven mincha, i must daven before it's too late!!!

guys response, should i lend you my hat & jacket!!!