Recalling lessons learned from My Mother;

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
    "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
    "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
    "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
  " Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
    "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going  to the store with me."

6. My  mother taught me FORESIGHT.
    "Make sure you wear clean  underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
    "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8.  My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
    "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught  me about CONTORTION-ISM.
    "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA  .
    "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11.  My mother taught me about WEATHER.
    "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
    "If I told you once, I've  told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF  LIFE.
    "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
    "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
    "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
    "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
    "You are going to get it when your father gets home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
     "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
     "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20.  My mother taught me HUMOR.
     "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
     "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
     "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
     "Shut that door behind you.  Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
     "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE  .
      "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Marty Adickman, "Dating Advice from the Rabbi"

Fast date

no one wants to marry an unhappy person

Torah Dating

B'reishis - In the beginning,

Noach lech - Noach went

Vayayroh Chayay Soroh - and he saw Chaya Soroh.

Toldos - He checked out the yichus

Vayaitzay - and they went out.

Vayishlach - They didn't like each other, so they sent each other away..

Vayaishev - The shadchan intervened and they returned to each other.

Mikaitz - In the end,

Vayigash - they got close

Vay'chi - and they lived happily ever after.

(smile4aminute.blogspot.com)

Two different theories exist concerning the origin of children

Two different theories exist concerning the origin of children:
the theory of sexual reproduction, and the theory of the stork.

Many people believe in the theory of sexual reproduction because they have been taught this theory at school. In reality, however, many of the world's leading scientists are in favor of the theory of the stork.

If the theory of sexual reproduction is taught in schools, it must only be taught as a theory and not as the truth.
Alternative theories, such as the theory of the stork, must also be taught.

Evidence supporting the theory of the stork includes the following:

1. It is a scientifically established fact that the stork does exist. This can be confirmed by every ornithologist.

2. The alleged human fetal development contains several features that the theory of sexual reproduction is unable to explain.

3. The theory of sexual reproduction implies that a child is approximately nine months old at birth. This is an absurd claim.  Everyone knows that a newborn child is newborn.

4. According to the theory of sexual reproduction, children are a result of sexual intercourse. There are, however, several well-documented cases where sexual intercourse has not led to the birth of a child.

5. Statistical studies in the Netherlands have indicated a positive correlation between the birth rate and the number of storks. Both are decreasing.

6. The theory of the stork can be investigated by rigorous scientific methods. The only assumption involved is that children are delivered by the stork.

a good shachris attendance

A boy, Moishe Wolfson, (name changed to protect the innocent) was going out while he was in the yeshiva dormitory. The girl's father thought that it was very important that the boy his daughter was dating should have a good shachris attendance. So he decided to call the pay phone in the yeshiva that the boy was staying and ask whoever picked up how the boy's attendance was. Unfortunately Moishe's Shachris attendance was very bad, but as luck would have it the person who picked up the phone was non other than Moishe. This was the conversation that ensued:

Father: Hello, I was wondering if you know Moishe Wolfson? I have some shidduch questions to ask.
Moishe: Moishe, sure i know him really well. I would dare say that I know him as well as I know myself.
Father: Oh good, I really only have one question. How is his shachris attendance, does he come on time.
Moishe: Mr. Schwartz, to tell you the truth i don't get up on time all that much - on the average day i am late to shachris. But I can definitely tell you this - 

WHEN EVER I'M THERE HE'S THERE!

and they went out and got married!!

Generation Y

People born before 1946 were called The Silent generation..

- People born between 1946 and 1964 are called The Baby Boomers.

- People born between 1965 and 1979 are called Generation X, 

- And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called Generation Y , 

Why do we call the last group Generation Y?
 
Y should I get a job?
Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food?

How Adam Got Eve

How Adam Got Eve 

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, G-d asked him, 'What's wrong with you?'Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
G-d said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said, 'This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash them for you She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you,and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.She will praise you!She will bear your children.and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.'She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love andpassion whenever you need it.'
Adam asked G-d, 'What will a woman like this cost?'
'An arm and a leg.'
Then Adam asked, 'What can I get for a rib
Of course the rest is history..... .......!! !!

Blessed are You, O God, King of the Universe, Who created everything for His glory (The Marriage Ritual).

The surging divorce rate in recent years is appalling. While the Torah indeed provides for dissolving a relationship, there has never been in Jewish history anything like the current number of failed marriages.

Perhaps the problem stems from the partners' primary goals as they enter marriage. In Western civilization, what is called "love" has been accepted as the cornerstone of marriage. Unfortunately, this "love" too often refers to an attraction for the partner because of how he or she can gratify the other's physical and emotional needs. If this primary goal is not adequately met, the cement of the relationship disintegrates, and secondary factors alone cannot maintain it.

In the past, the primary focus of a marriage was the establishment of a family. [The first mitzvah found in the Torah is be fruitful and multiply (Genesis 1:28).] While physical and emotional needs were important, they were not primary, but secondary. Hence, when problems of this nature did develop, the relationship was still held together by the primary binding forces, and these secondary problems could be rectified and resolved.

Today I shall ...
...

try to realize what the true primary goals of my relationship with others should be.

same-sects marriages

NEW YORK - In an unusual display of unity, leaders of five Chasidic groups today issued a joint statement in support of proposed state legislation to allow same-sects marriages.
The groups represented were Belz, Pupa, Satmer, Bobov, and Lubavitch.
"Of course we want same-sects marriages," said Rabbi Wurzma Shtreimel, head of the Belz movement. "A Belzer should marry only a Belzer. That makes perfect sense."
The other rabbis agreed.
"If a Satmer weds a Bobover, woe to their offspring," proclaimed Rabbi Praymita Gartel of Satmer. "What would their children be-Satovers?? That's totally unheard of."
The rabbis shared concerns about the dilution of their individual groups through intersect marriages.
"The Tanya warns us," said Rabbi Mendy Pantz of Lubavitch. "If a Lubavitcher marries outside his sect, his children lose half their heritage.
His son is not Lubavitch, just Vitch. And his grandson becomes a son of a Vitch." At a separate news conference, Chasidic women expressed similar concerns.
"It's less confusing when our kind marry their own kind," said Rebbetzin Donna Kittel, founder of a Pupa women's group, The Mamas and the Pupas.
To prevent intersect marriages, Belz rebbetzin Gitta Kapotah announced the formation of a new community matchmaking service, Wedding Belz.
"We must protect our Belz," she said. "They're our family jewels." Contacted by Mr. Richard Feder of Ft. Lee, N.J.,
Rebbetzin Emily Littella of Bobov asked: "What's all this I hear about same-sox marriage?

Four Ways to Marry the Wrong Person

Leah's Poem - A Poem to American Jews