DEAF WIFE....."priceless "

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A man  feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.   Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.        The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the  doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. "Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.   If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until  you get a response."  That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away,  let's see what happens."          Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?" No response.. So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey,  what's for dinner?"  Still no response.  Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet  from his wife and asks, "Honey,  what's for dinner?" Again he gets no response. So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for  dinner?" Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her.  "Honey,  what's for dinner?"  (I just love this)  "Ralph,  for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!"

What's keeping him ?

$50.00 is $50.00

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'

Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'

To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'

The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars.'

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'

Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know fifty dollars is fifty dollars

With age comes wisdom ?

A guy is 70 years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,

'Pick me up.'He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,'Pick me up.'

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'

The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,

'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'

With age comes wisdom.

Senior Romance

This is the story of two elderly people living in a mobile home park in Florida .

He was a widower and she a widow.

They had known each other for a number of years.

One evening there was a community supper at the Club House. The widower and the widow went with two other singles.

They had a wonderful evening and spirits were high.

The widower sent a few admiring glances across the table and the widow smiled coyly back at him.

Finally he plucked up his courage to ask her,

"Will you marry me?"

After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered,

"Yes, Yes I Will."

The meal ended with a few more pleasant exchanges and they went to their respective homes.

The next morning the widower was troubled.

Did she say Yes or did she say No?

He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall.

He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank.

He remembered asking the question, but for the life of him could not recall her response.

With fear and trepidation, he picked up the phone and called her.

First he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to.

Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.

As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her:

"When I asked if you would marry me, did you say Yes or did you say No?"

"Why you silly man, I said Yes Yes I will. And I meant it with all my heart."

The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.

Then she continued.......................

"And I am so glad you called, because I couldn't remember who asked me."