People of the look ?

People of the look

How well do you know your Airlines?

A guy is sitting in the bar in departures at a busy airport. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.

He decides because she's that pretty, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant.

So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.

He leans across to her and says the Delta Airlines motto "We love to fly and it shows".

The woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up another line.

He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto "Winning the hearts of the world".

Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.

Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto "Going beyond expectations".

The woman looks at him and says "What the f ## k do you want?"

"Ah!" he says, sitting back with a smile on his face. "EL-Al".

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

Why my marriage lasted so long…according to Red Skelton

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere.....
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" ..
So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" .... The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?"
I said "Dust!"

Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it.........this is the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word........ just clean and simple fun.

Men are like ..... ?

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

Men are like.

1. Men are like .. Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like. Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like, Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like . Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like . Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like . Commercials ... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores . Their clothes are always 1/2 off!

8. Men are like ..... . Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like .... . Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like, Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like, Snowstorms ... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like , Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like, Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

What a dumbhead ?

After five years of dating, I had met the man who was everything I was waiting for. And then the phone rang...

After five years of dating, I had met the man who was everything I was waiting for. And then the phone rang...


please read the comments

877-bad --date ?

Impressed ?

What to order ?

Wise Old People

Wise Old People

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him.

The teenager would look and find him staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one. In classic style he did not bat an eye in his response. "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

All her friends are getting married, but she likes her life just the way it is.

All her friends are getting married, but she likes her life just the way it is.

Out Of The Mailbag - To YW Editor (Shidduchim. A Different Type Of Plea)

Out Of The Mailbag - To YW Editor (Shidduchim. A Different Type Of Plea)

Unprotected :

A college campus psychiatrist tells students everything they needed to know about intimacy but no one would tell them.

Social Semantics Updated............:-)

Refresher for many of you..

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
* 40-ish..................................49.
* Adventurous..........................Slept with everyone.
* Athletic...............................No breasts.
* Average looking.....................Moooo.
* Beautiful..............................Pathological liar.
* Emotionally Secure..................On medication.
* Feminist...............................Fat.
* Free Spirit.............................Junkie.
* Friendship first.......................Former Slut.
* New-Age...............................Body hair in the wrong places.
* Old-fashioned................. ......No B.J.'s
* Open-minded.........................Desperate.
* Outgoing..............................Loud and embarrassing.
* Professional...........................Bitch.
* Voluptuous...........................Very fat.
* Large frame...........................Hugely fat.
* Wants soul mate.....................Stalker.

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
* Yes.....................................No
* No......................................Yes
* Maybe.................................No
* We need...............................I want
* I am sorry.............................You'll be sorry
* We need to talk......................You're in trouble
* Sure, go ahead........................You better not
* Do what you want...................You will pay for this later
* I am not upset........................Of course, I am upset, you moron!
* You're attentive tonight............Is sex all you ever think about?

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:
> > > * I am hungry...........................I am hungry
> > > * I am sleepy............................I am sleepy
> > > * I am tired..............................I am tired
> > > * Nice dress..............................Nice cleavage!
> > > * I love you..............................Let's have sex now
> > > * I am bored.............................Do you want to have sex?
> > > * May I have this dance?................I'd like to have sex with you.
> > > * Can I call you sometime?..............I'd like to have sex with you.
> > > * Do you want to go to a movie?......I'd like to have sex with you.
> > > * Can I take you out to dinner? ........I'd like to have sex with you.
> > > * I don't think those shoes go with that outfit..............I'm gay

How to apoligize ?

D.A.T.E. ** Staying focused, by using a simple formula, may help us shorten our journey from dating to marriage.

Staying focused, by using a simple formula, may help us shorten our journey from dating to marriage. by Penina Jacobs


My concept of Jewish dating was somewhat skewed when I began seriously looking for my better half. Having never seen Fiddler on the Roof, I had no strains of "Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match. . ." wafting through my subconscious. I didn't think that a third party, let alone God, would have much to do with my success. It was all on me.

Dating meant going to a Jewish singles event at a synagogue or local venue and making small talk with someone of the opposite gender, which seemed more like a chore than a social life.

As a 20-something single living in Los Angeles, I networked, put myself out there and went to cool singles' parties, only to end up in one bad relationship after another and always shocked at the outcome.

For a while, I consoled myself with the notion that each bad dating experience was somehow educational and would serve to keep me from repeating my mistakes. For a while, this worked. Then it got old, and I realized that I wasn't getting any younger. I came to the conclusion that I needed to get a handle on how to date.

I mean, why date anyway?

After a great deal of introspection, I decided that the purpose of dating for me was not for a social life, or lack of one, nor as a cure for loneliness. It was ultimately for marriage.


Saying this out loud... okay, whispering this to myself, forced me to ask myself why I continued to date guys who were not marriage material (for me). Dating, in my book, still meant just kind of showing up and waiting for something to click. I figured that I would just win over anyone I thought was in the ballpark.

The ballpark of course was filled with cute guys who had jobs. So I dated a lot of cute guys with jobs and dutifully broke up with the ones who were generally unemployed. But the cute guys with jobs often behaved like total jerks and somehow grew less and less cute over time. So what was a nice Jewish girl to do?

I decided that if I was serious about dating for marriage, I had to find out how to maximize my time and minimize my suffering.

I became more interested in Judaism's insights about dating. I learned that there are three major points to consider when dating for marriage: attraction, character traits and common life goals. The latter two points had never entered my radar screen before, but when I thought about it, I realized that without them I had been wasting a lot of time.

Out of necessity I learned quickly that there is a lot more to say on the topic of dating. With this new information I changed the way I began to date, which had a profound impact on my life.

One thing I noticed was that people do not want to waste time or focus on trivial matters when they are dating for marriage. Still I found it difficult to know what to emphasize and what to deem less important when evaluating a person as a potential life partner. Staying focused on these three major points kept me on track:

Attraction

While it seems obvious, I'd like to emphasize the importance of attraction. You have to be attracted to someone in order to marry them; physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and intellectually. Even if "Matchmaker , Matchmaker. . ." sets you up with someone who looks great on paper, it is unwise to commit to marrying someone unless you are wildly excited to be with them for hopefully the rest of your life.

It is important to mention that the concept of attraction can mean different things to different people. Unfortunately the media has a great deal of influence on our subconscious with respect to who and what we find attractive and to what degree. Although it can take time to develop or know if there is a basic level of attraction, after a few dates if you have to convince yourself that you could tolerate it if the person held your hand but you feel that this would be a charitable act on your part, you don't need another date as a confirmation. Be polite and say good night.

Character Traits


Assuming that attraction exists between both parties, the next major focal point is character traits. When I say character traits, I do not mean an individual's personality. Someone can have a nice personality and not be a nice person. A good way to assess someone's character is to see how they treat children, animals and people whose job it is to serve them, such as waiters, salespeople or cabdrivers.

One time I was on a date and we went for drinks. The place was not terribly busy and the service was a bit slow but I didn't consider it to be a major big deal. My date was seriously rude to the waiter and I was totally embarrassed for both of us. It didn't matter that my date had brought me roses. He was unnecessarily rude to the waiter and that's what I remember about that date. It's easy for someone to be on their best behavior for someone they are trying to impress, but observing one's behavior in less obvious situations can reveal a great deal about a person's character.

Common Life Goals

Sometimes people make the mistake of staying in a relationship because "She's just so nice" or "We have such great chemistry." But if she doesn't want a relationship with your kids from a previous marriage or your "chemistry partner" has openly admitted that he has no interest in being anyone's marriage partner then you are wasting your time.

It is a necessity for both parties of a potential couple to possess common life goals. People often mistake lifestyles for life goals. If two people love playing tennis they share a desire for a common lifestyle. But if those same two people disagree on whether or not to have children they definitely lack commonality of an important life goal.

A common mistake to watch out for is marrying someone for their potential; for the person you hope they will become. If someone has a drug addiction, a short temper, lack of restraint with spending money, etc. but are otherwise "perfect" for you, don't get married hoping they'll change. You have to be real about who you are and the life you want. Therefore you also have to be real with who you are dating and where your relationship is going.

Taking the time to investigate the subject of dating over the years provided me with tools to get the clarity I needed to recognize my husband. I developed an acronym, DATE, which helped me stay focused during my search:

Define Life Goals

Assess Level of Attraction

Try it (3 Dates). If you don't like it...MOVE ON!

Evaluate Strength of Character


Define Life Goals -- You have to know your life goals in order to assess if your potential partner and you have common life goals.

Assess Level of Attraction -- Attraction is like a thumbs-up from God. Without it, it is virtually impossible to build a lasting relationship.

Try it -- If you are clear that there is no future in it, you aren't doing anybody a favor by continuing to date someone, even if they are nice.

Evaluate Strength of Character -- We are all trying to perfect ourselves. It's a lifelong journey; however, there is no compensating for major infractions in this area.

Lists?

Before you go shopping it's helpful to have a list. If healthy food choices and other household essentials are on your shopping list, you are less likely to come home with a cartload of donuts, soda, cigarettes and supermarket tabloids, right? However, many people I have talked to in the dating scene (former or present members) have expressed an intense dislike for lists. Sometimes you might rule out someone fabulous for a less than crucial reason. Just because you have a list of ten must-haves in a spouse and this really nice person you just met only has nine, is it smart to write them off at the starting line?

You might feel very strongly about marrying someone who is a baseball fan. Your soul mate might think that "Red Sox" is solely a typographical error. However, if that person respects you and your love for baseball, is it worth passing them up for a second date? By sticking to a simple yet non-negotiable formula you might be able to focus on genuine, multi-faceted attraction and assess another person's appropriateness as a life partner.

After a few dates if the level of attraction is not growing stronger, you find that you don't share life goals and you're not sure that you and that person will bring out the best in each other, move on gracefully and be thankful for the clarity. Although breaking up is hard to do, when it's the right move it's better to make it after three dates than after three kids.

While I would never willingly revisit the often treacherous road of single life, the clarity I gained while learning how to date more effectively finally led me down the aisle to my husband. Focus on what you want in life and who the best person will be to share it with. Don't get distracted; use your time wisely. In other words, date smart, not hard, and may your journey be swift and sweet!

Father dear; A story about abandonment and the deep bonds of love

A story about abandonment and the deep bonds of love, by Jacob Stewart

Sex and the Teenage Girl

Sex and the Teenage Girl

By CAITLIN FLANAGAN
Los Angeles

THE movie “Juno” is a fairy tale about a pregnant teenager who decides to have her baby, place it for adoption and then get on with her life. For the most part, the tone of the movie is comedic and jolly, but there is a moment when Juno tells her father about her condition, and he shakes his head in disappointment and says, “I thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when.”

Female viewers flinch when he says it, because his words lay bare the bitterly unfair truth of sexuality: female desire can bring with it a form of punishment no man can begin to imagine, and so it is one appetite women and girls must always regard with caution. Because Juno let her guard down and had a single sexual experience with a sweet, well-intentioned boy, she alone is left with this ordeal of sorrow and public shame.

In the movie, the moment passes. Juno finds a yuppie couple eager for a baby, and when the woman tries to entice her with the promise of an open adoption, the girl shakes her head adamantly: “Can’t we just kick it old school? I could just put the baby in a basket and send it your way. You know, like Moses in the reeds.”

It’s a hilarious moment, and the sentiment turns out to be genuine. The final scene of the movie shows Juno and her boyfriend returned to their carefree adolescence, the baby — safely in the hands of his rapturous and responsible new mother — all but forgotten. Because I’m old enough now that teenage movie characters evoke a primarily maternal response in me (my question during the film wasn’t “What would I do in that situation?” but “What would I do if my daughter were in that situation?”), the last scene brought tears to my eyes. To see a young daughter, faced with the terrible fact of a pregnancy, unscathed by it and completely her old self again was magical.

And that’s why “Juno” is a fairy tale. As any woman who has ever chosen (or been forced) to kick it old school can tell you, surrendering a baby whom you will never know comes with a steep and lifelong cost. Nor is an abortion psychologically or physically simple. It is an invasive and frightening procedure, and for some adolescent girls it constitutes part of their first gynecological exam. I know grown women who’ve wept bitterly after abortions, no matter how sound their decisions were. How much harder are these procedures for girls, whose moral and emotional universe is just taking shape?

Even the much-discussed pregnancy of 16-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears reveals the rudely unfair toll that a few minutes of pleasure can exact on a girl. The very fact that the gossip magazines are still debating the identity of the father proves again that the burden of sex is the woman’s to bear. He has a chance to maintain his privacy, but if she becomes pregnant by mistake, soon all the world will know.

Pregnancy robs a teenager of her girlhood. This stark fact is one reason girls used to be so carefully guarded and protected — in a system that at once limited their horizons and safeguarded them from devastating consequences. The feminist historian Joan Jacobs Brumberg has written that “however prudish and ‘uptight’ the Victorians were, our ancestors had a deep commitment to girls.”

We, too, have a deep commitment to girls, and ours centers not on protecting their chastity, but on supporting their ability to compete with boys, to be free — perhaps for the first time in history — from the restraints that kept women from achieving on the same level. Now we have to ask ourselves this question: Does the full enfranchisement of girls depend on their being sexually liberated? And if it does, can we somehow change or diminish among the very young the trauma of pregnancy, the occasional result of even safe sex?

Biology is destiny, and the brutally unfair outcome that adolescent sexuality can produce will never change. Twenty years ago, I taught high school in a town near New Orleans. There was a girls’ bathroom next to my classroom, which was more convenient for me than the faculty one on the other side of campus. In the last stall, carved deeply into the metal box reserved for used sanitary napkins, was the single word “Please.”

Whoever had written it had taken a long time; the word was etched so deeply into the metal that she must have worked on it over several days, hiding in there on hall passes or study breaks, desperate. I never knew who wrote it, or when, but I always knew exactly what that anonymous girl meant. When I looked out over the girls moving through the hallways between classes, I wondered if she was among them, and I hoped that her prayer had been answered.

Caitlin Flanagan, the author of “To Hell With All That,” is working on a book about the emotional lives of pubescent girls.

*The Husband Store*

*The Husband Store*

A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:- 'You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads: ***Floor 1* - These men have jobs.
The 2nd floor sign reads:* **Floor 2* - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
The 3rd floor sign reads: *Floor 3* - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.

Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads: *Floor 4* - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework. Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads: ***Floor 5* - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have A Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads: Floor 6* - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store .

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a ***New Wives store* just across the street.

The* **1st floor* has wives that love sex.
The* **2nd floor* has wives that love sex and have money.
The* **3rd** *through* **6th floors* have never been visited

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Men and Women **** illustrations

It won't work out ?

Who is one allowed to date?

Parents;
on whose grip are you really in?
why are you looking for matches that you want and is not good for your children?
why are there more separations and divorces happening?

Boys and Girls;
on whose grip are you really in?
why are you marrying what the wrong educators tell you?
why are you marrying to spouses that your friends "approve" of?
when will you educate yourself to what marriage is truly all about?

Educators;
start being honest! get off your high chairs! build a true klal yisroel!