FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up after you and has a good job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other.

Jewish widow

A Jewish woman's husband dies. He only had $30,000 to his name. After everything was done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that there is none of the $30,000 left. The friend said, "How can that be?"

The widow said, "Well, the funeral cost me $6,500. And of course I made a donation to the shul ...that was $500, and I spent another $500 for food and drinks for the people when I was sitting shiva. The rest went for the memorial stone."
Her friend said, "$22,500 for the memorial stone? My God, how big is it?"

The widow said, "Three carats."

I don't even know you

HOW TO TALK ABOUT MEN NOW:**HOW TO REFER TO WOMEN NOW:

I would not usually post something like this. The language is not exactly "heimishe". What I did like about it is the creativeness of being able to use positive communication if one wants to? Although I do realize here the intent might not have been so, but it could have been.

The other point here is, if we do have this "hostile" view of each opposite gender, is it any wonder that we can not connect? In fact many accept the following as fact, which is kind of sad.

Is there a way that we can can focus on the positive side of us, and bring out the better side of each other?

HOW TO TALK ABOUT MEN NOW:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
3. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
4. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."
5. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."
6. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
7 He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."
8. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
9. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."
10. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE"

HOW TO REFER TO WOMEN NOW:

1. She is not a "BABE", "LADY" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED CANADIAN."
2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."
8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

Jewish dating ads

Shochet, owns successful butcher shop in Midwest. Doesn't believe women should be treated like a piece of meat.

Divorced Jewish man, seeks partner to attend shul with, light candles, celebrate holidays, build Sukkah together, attend brisses, bar mitzvahs. Religion is not important.

Sincere rabbinical student, Enjoys Yom Kippur, Tisha B'av, Taanah Esther, Tzom Gedaliah, Asarah B'Teves, Shiva Asar B'Tammuz. Seeks companion for living life in the "fast" lane.

Yeshiva bochur, Torah scholar, long beard, payos. Seeks same in woman.

Nice Jewish guy, No skeletons. No baggage. No personality.

Female graduate student, studying kaballah, Zohar, exorcism of dybbuks, seeks mensch. No weirdos, please.

Jewish businessman, manufactures Sabbath candles, Chanukah candles, havdallah candles, Yahrzeit candles. Seeks non-smoker.

Israeli professor, with 18 years of teaching in my behind. Looking for American-born woman who speaks English very good.

I am a sensitive Jewish prince whom you can open your heart. Share your innermost thoughts and deepest secrets. Confide in me. I'll understand your insecurities. No fatties, please.

Jewish Princess, seeks successful businessman of any major Jewish denomination: hundreds, fifties, twenties.

Desparately seeking shmoozing! Retired senior citizen desires female companion 70+ for kvetching, kvelling, and krechtzing. Under 30 is also OK.

I'll know I'm a success when.....

How is it that having a great marriage is usually not called "success" ? Is it possible that it is unattainable? Is it because it is just too much "work"? Is it ignorance? Is it that most do not see any happy marriages?

Is this proof that "success" is a product of the "me" syndrome?

IMHO, it is attainable and it takes a lot work. In fact, every day is a new beginning of balancing giving and taking. Most people are not educated how to do that; therefore, we see few happy marriages.

I propose, as many others do, that before one sets out to date to get married they should take advice and education on how to. Then we will see marriage as being one of the successful endeavors.

Wanted: A Few Good Sperm

This NY Times article begines with a Jewish female's story;

One day last October, Karyn, a 39-year-old executive, pulled her online dating profile off JDate and Match.com, two sites she had been using, along with an endless series of leads, tips and blind dates arranged by friends and colleagues, to search for a man she wanted to marry and raise a family with. At long last, after something like 100 dates in the past 10 years and several serious relationships, she had found the man she refers to, tongue only slightly in cheek, as "the one." It all began last summer, when she broke off a relationship with a younger man who wasn't ready for children and got serious about the idea of conceiving on her own. She gathered information about fertility doctors and sperm banks. "Then a childhood friend of mine was over," she told me. "I pulled up the Web site of the only sperm bank that I know of that has adult photos. There happened to be one Jewish person. I pulled up the photo, and I looked at my friend, and I looked at his picture, and I said, 'Oh, my God.' I can't say love at first sight, because, you know. But he was the one."

What is the purpose of having children? Is it the same purpose for having Jewish children? Is there a different purpose based on what type of Jew one is?

Is it the same purpose of why women want children? Do men and women have the same purpose of having children?

When is the correct age to start having children?

Is the fact that today we have a "choice" as in "sperm banks and etc.", make us less serious in dating and/or compromising in the choice of our choosing a spouse?

For me as a Shadchun, stories like this confirm to me why the dating scene has become so difficult. One of the questions I ask is; "How much time after the marriage would you start having children?". Most answer that they want to wait several years. It makes me wonder what is it that they truly want.

Then there is the simple question; is having children a purpose to get married in the first place?

Words From Famous Women ...

"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde." - Dolly Parton

"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job." - Roseanne

"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives." - Rita Rudner

"He tricked me into marrying him. He told me he was pregnant" -Carol Leifer

"I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog." -Wendy Liebman

"I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on." - Roseanne

"I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know THAT?" - Wendy Liebman

"I think-therefore I'm single" - Lizz Winstead

"Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." - Hedy Lamarr

"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." - Elayne Boosler

"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." - Gilda Radner

"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman."- Maryon Pearson

"Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel." -Bella Abzug

"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman." - Margaret Thatcher

"I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career." - Gloria Steinem

"Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry." - GloriaSteinem

"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." - Katharine Hepburn

"I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night." - Marie Corelli

"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" - Linda Ellerbee

"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

got this joke from a friend



What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
of driving.

What about love?

Seeing someone behind your back

Women understanding men by women's advice

Looking at "other" women?

This issue has always baffled me.

The ultra-orthodox are made fun of because they do not look at women. ON the secular side the women gets jealous and angry when their husband and/or boyfriend looks at other women.

If women do not want the men to look at other women, then why do they insist to go to places where there is no chance for the men to not look?

Another oxymoron, the woman is dressing or undressing to kill and she will be substantially hurt if not appreciated, while at the same time the husband cannot look!

Who is the problem here?

: )

The more women achieve, the less desirable they are?

Published: January 13, 2005

WASHINGTON

A few years ago at a White House Correspondents' dinner, I met a very beautiful actress. Within moments, she blurted out: "I can't believe I'm 46 and not married. Men only want to marry their personal assistants or P.R. women."

I'd been noticing a trend along these lines, as famous and powerful men took up with the young women whose job it was to tend to them and care for them in some way: their secretaries, assistants, nannies, caterers, flight attendants, researchers and fact-checkers.

Women in staff support are the new sirens because, as a guy I know put it, they look upon the men they work for as "the moon, the sun and the stars." It's all about orbiting, serving and salaaming their Sun Gods.

In all those great Tracy/Hepburn movies more than a half-century ago, it was the snap and crackle of a romance between equals that was so exciting. Moviemakers these days seem far more interested in the soothing aura of romances between unequals.

In James Brooks's "Spanglish," Adam Sandler, as a Los Angeles chef, falls for his hot Mexican maid. The maid, who cleans up after Mr. Sandler without being able to speak English, is presented as the ideal woman. The wife, played by Téa Leoni, is repellent: a jangly, yakking, overachieving, overexercised, unfaithful, shallow she-monster who has just lost her job with a commercial design firm. Picture Faye Dunaway in "Network" if she'd had to stay home, or Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction" without the charm.

The same attraction of unequals animated Richard Curtis's "Love Actually," a 2003 holiday hit. The witty and sophisticated British prime minister, played by Hugh Grant, falls for the chubby girl who wheels the tea and scones into his office. A businessman married to the substantial Emma Thompson falls for his sultry secretary. A writer falls for his maid, who speaks only Portuguese.

(I wonder if the trend in making maids who don't speak English heroines is related to the trend of guys who like to watch Kelly Ripa in the morning with the sound turned off?)

Art is imitating life, turning women who seek equality into selfish narcissists and objects of rejection, rather than affection.

As John Schwartz of The New York Times wrote recently, "Men would rather marry their secretaries than their bosses, and evolution may be to blame."

A new study by psychology researchers at the University of Michigan, using college undergraduates, suggests that men going for long-term relationships would rather marry women in subordinate jobs than women who are supervisors.

As Dr. Stephanie Brown, the lead author of the study, summed it up for reporters: "Powerful women are at a disadvantage in the marriage market because men may prefer to marry less-accomplished women." Men think that women with important jobs are more likely to cheat on them.

"The hypothesis," Dr. Brown said, "is that there are evolutionary pressures on males to take steps to minimize the risk of raising offspring that are not their own." Women, by contrast, did not show a marked difference in their attraction to men who might work above or below them. And men did not show a preference when it came to one-night stands.

A second study, which was by researchers at four British universities and reported last week, suggested that smart men with demanding jobs would rather have old-fashioned wives, like their mums, than equals. The study found that a high I.Q. hampers a woman's chance to get married, while it is a plus for men.
The prospect for marriage increased by 35 percent for guys for each 16-point increase in I.Q.; for women, there is a 40 percent drop for each 16-point rise.

So was the feminist movement some sort of cruel hoax?
The more women achieve, the less desirable they are?
Women want to be in a relationship with guys they can seriously talk to -
unfortunately, a lot of those guys want to be in relationships with women they don't have to talk to.

I asked the actress and writer Carrie Fisher, on the East Coast to promote her novel "The Best Awful," who confirmed that women who challenge men are in trouble.

"I haven't dated in 12 million years," she said drily. "I gave up on dating powerful men because they wanted to date women in the service professions. So I decided to date guys in the service professions. But then I found out that kings want to be treated like kings, and consorts want to be treated like kings, too."

A Bocher's proposal

I can say that I am getting dizzy at the creative shidduch process these days.

Here is a video proposal from Noach Klein to his bashert. Here is the Mazel Tov posted at onlysimchas.com

Is this going to begin a new trend?

Are men dense or just clueless and ignorant?

Are men dense or just clueless and ignorant? Was it always this way?

My educated guess is that humans and especially women never had choices as today, therefore there was always the "status quo". Therefore women were a class like all classes.

Nowadays there are classes based on different possibilities and men have not caught up with this reality.

You shouldn't have

Soulmates -13 Steps to Love

by Rabbi Joshua Ritchie, M.D. Dean, Refuah Institute

Searching for a marriage partner often is a daunting process, full of difficult and painful experiences.

Many singles create shopping lists with all the qualities they believe their true Soulmates must have. They make their candidates jump through hoops as they search for the one that will make them happy. This screening does not guarantee a good marriage. All these check lists only make finding a mate harder, for who can possibly meet all the criteria? And when a candidate is found lacking, according to the list, a real Soulmate can be turned away.

What ensures a good, happy marriage? Experience and research reveals that the most important elements in a successful marriage are good midot (quality of character and behavior) and communication skills. My booklet, "13 STEPS TO HARMONIOUS RELATIONSHIPS", enumerates these essential qualities. This succinct list describes the skills that are so vital to nurture in oneself and to recognize in others.

You can find your Soulmate and live happily ever after with these 13 Steps:

13 Steps to Harmonious Relationships

Step 1. Be Understanding

Understand with empathy. Listen attentively, with compassion. Ask clarifying and open-ended questions to fully understand and to show your interest. Communicate your understanding with "active listening" and by responding in a non-critical and non-defensive way.

Step 2. Be Respectful

Honor each person by showing positive regard and respect. Relate to the essential goodness of each person, even when it is hidden. Recognize their great potential. Show them that you know how precious and valuable they are by expressing respect and appreciation.

Step 3. Be Sincere

Be genuine. Be really present with authentic and sincere interest. Share your best self, your highest feelings, your soulful connection, your caring and desire to help.

Step 4. Be Exemplary

Teach by example. Be a living example of what you want to teach. Inspire others with your positive attitude, joyful feelings and actions. Be a good role model.

Step 5. Be Clear

Communicate well. Speak their language, verbal and non-verbal, to build rapport, comfort and trust. For good communication, speak in ways that allows them to understand you, and in ways, such as by accurately summarizing and reflecting what they have said, so that they feel heard and understood.

Step 6. Be Encouraging

Praise other people's positive attributes and express admiration and appreciation for their talents, qualities, accomplishments, values and courage. Validate their feelings and normalize their reactions. Acknowledge and endorse their positive aspirations such as their desire to learn and grow.

Step 7. Be Supportive

Support and assist sensitively and compassionately with information, referrals, contacts, endorsements, backing, coaching, mentoring, teaching and training.

Step 8. Be Empowering

Empower others by supporting them in making their own decisions. Gently offer guidance in clarifying goals, considering consequences and choosing accomplishable steps. Their successes will increase their self-respect, confidence, sense of responsibility and empowerment.

Step 9. Be Prayerful & Optimistic

Optimistically trust in the essential goodness and growth of others .Visualize a harmonious relationship, seeing the other blessed in light and love, protected and growing. Prayers, blessings, affirmations and visualizations are powerful forces, benefiting everyone!

Step 10. Be Grateful & Gracious

Express your gratitude. Show your appreciation. Be specific with your thanks and gratitude in a timely fashion. Be grateful and acknowledge what others mean to you. Showing gratitude works wonders. Be gracious and find grace in the eyes of the Creator and of Mankind.

Step 11. Be Kind & Caring

Being kind and caring is our true calling, our soul's divine nature. The benevolent giving of ourselves, with kind gestures, caring attitudes, and actions, is a blessing and healing for those we give to, and are a blessing and healing for ourselves.

Step 12. Be A Good Friend

A good friend allows us to give, as well as to receive and feel appreciated. Even when friends are not equally capable, each has something to give the other. Creating opportunities for the other to give and gratefully receiving their gifts are the acts of a good friend.

Step 13. Be Loving

To love is to give, unselfishly, "l'shmah". It is noteworthy and not a coincidence that 13 is the Gematria of both Love and Oneness! God created us with love and He instructed us to love Him and His creation. Love is our soul's calling. Our destiny is to be loving, emulating the qualities of God. Love is nurturing & healing, stimulating emotional, spiritual physical growth & development.

Following the path of these 13 Steps in your search for your soul mate, you can expect to find, recognize and attract your Soulmate walking on the very same path