Emotional Adultery! Are You Cheating?

Emotional Adultery! Are You Cheating? Is Your Mate Cheating?
By Laura Snyder

The rules used to be so clear: you slept with someone else, you cheated. But now relationship experts are saying that emotional intimacy - with closeness, sexual chemistry and secrecy - is just as damaging to a relationship as sexual infidelity.

According to the late Shirley Glass, family therapist and author of Not 'Just Friends', the new infidelity is between people who - unwittingly - form deep connections with a friend before realizing things aren't so innocent.

It's called an 'emotional affair'. Are you having one? Is your partner?

Do you keep secrets from your spouse or partner?
Is your lover in the loop when you take your special friend out to lunch, or meet for drinks after work? If your answer includes the phrase, "but my partner just doesn't understand," it sounds like you've got something to hide.

Are you conversationally committed?
Is your mate telling you less about what's going on in his/her life?
Do you share more of the mundane details of your day with your friend than with your partner? Experts explain that sharing more of your life with someone other than your spouse is a way of withholding intimacy.

Do your chats cross the line?Is your partner very close with a particular friend?
Are you dishing details you wouldn't divulge your partner was around? Even more telling: are you talking about negative or intimate details of your love life with your friend? If it's your partner you suspect of cheating, ask yourself if it sound like he or she has a case of 'mentionitis' - the inability to carry on a conversation without including numerous references to a new pal, no matter how tenuous the link to subject matter?

Has your buddy list lengthened?
Is your partner catching up with old friends?
Are you meeting new friends on the Internet without your partner's knowledge? Has your sweetie mentioned getting back in touch with former flames? According to one report, more than one-third of romantic reunions begin when at least one of the people was already married; current research suggests that number may have doubled. Sure, you may not be looking for trouble, but that doesn't mean it won't find you on its own. That same study says half of those having such affairs said they had happy marriages and would never have cheated with someone other than the person from their past.

"He raped me", Drugs, Divorce and Infertility

A friend of mine, who is separated from his wife and kinderlech who live in Israel works out before Pesach visitation rights and travels to Israel to visit. All goes well until he is at the airport, after Pesach, on his way back and is arrested. His daughter claims he raped her.
With Hashem's help, things will be cleared up and he will be released, but meanwhile this game is becoming the norm. Separation and divorce have become reality shows.

Another friend’s wife has a mental breakdown after several children. Her parents immediately take to "her doctor", and it is revealed that she had a nervous breakdown while still a teenager. Her parents do not real care to help. The husband does not want to abandon or divorce her because he loves her and she is the mother of his kids. The girl's parents are trying to cover up that it is the husbands fault since he did not satisfy her in bed. The doctor says she has not complained anything against her husband just against her parents. It seems anytime the mother could not handle a situation she took Valium and gave her kids the same. The doctors claim that this is very normal today. Most people are on prescription drugs.

Another friend of mind is divorced and "swears" he will not get married again. One of his daughters as is now will never be able to have children. She is smart, caring, and pretty, etc. . Statistics out there claim that 1 out of 4, males and/or females, cannot reproduce. Most of the time this is not revealed to the future spouse.

I have read many new blogs who come out with their "kvetches" about infidelity, mental, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse from parents, family, teachers, and the rest of the system.

So is it very cloudy out there? Is it possible to look above the clouds? Is it any wonder that the shidduch "system", which really includes everyone, is out of whack? Is it any wonder that more people who are stressed out do things "out of the norm"? Is it any wonder that the teenagers "become" at risk children? Is it any wonder that the divorce rate is inching up?

All withstanding, I continue to imagine and dream that although I am watching this all in slow motion, the future will be bright. The sunny days, G"W, are ahead of us.

I did get this clip from another friend who is attempting on a daily basis to put a light touch to the worlds "situations". I hope you enjoy it.

Wishing all a "true sunny days ahead" Shabbos

Imagine

Imagine a world where there is ;

a global network of qualified professional shadchunim

a database where one can choose which shadchun to deal with

a database where the qualified shadchun can access all the information about everyone

a database that will act like your driver's license record for yourself and the shadchun. if one doesn't cooperate and deal honestly and respectfully they will be told so and dealt accordingly

a system where everyone communicates with a final yes or final no

an pre-marriage education mandatory course

an after the marriage for 1 year mandatory follow up course and help if needed

a system where if one needs true financial "chasuna" money those who could help will be able to do so more easily and accountably

a shadchun will be able to match the compatible boy and girl with out fear of reluctant parents


It's possible

Perception and Reality

As much as the Chareidi world wants to believe, the reality is different.

Police to ask for charges against chief rabbi's family is just reality, that nobody is immune to what is going on out there.

The internet is here to stay.

The information age is here to stay.

Either we start coming up with ideas or these headlines will become the norm.

Hashem Yaazor