4 Tevet
Yahrtzeit of Rabbi Joshua Isaac Shapira, a leader of 19th century European Jewry known by the nickname Reb Eisele Charif. The story is told that when his daughter was ready to get married, Reb Eisel sought out the top yeshiva student. He entered the study hall and announced: "I have a very difficult question on a passage in the Talmud. Whoever can supply the correct answer will have my daughter's hand in marriage." Soon a long line formed, and one by one the students tried to provide the answer. And one by one, Reb Eisel explained how the answers were incorrect. This went on for days, but when no one came up with the correct answer, Reb Eisel packed up and left. He had just reached the edge of the city, when he heard a voice shouting after him: "Reb Eisel, Reb Eisel!" He turned around to see a young man running in his direction. The student explained: "I know I wasn't able to satisfy the condition for marriage, but just for my own sake, could you please tell me the correct answer?" "Aha!" shouted Reb Eisel. "If you have such a desire to know the truth, then you will be my son-in-law!"
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
'I want to be gorgeous too'
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. As they stand at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Paradise and meet their maker, God decides to grant each person one wish because of the grief they have experienced.
They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. 'I want to be gorgeous,' and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The seco nd one in line hears this and says 'I want to be gorgeous too' Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous, but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing.
When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.
Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy eventually calms down and says:
'Make 'em all ugly again.'
NEXT TIME YOU'RE LAST IN LINE. BE HAPPY
They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. 'I want to be gorgeous,' and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The seco nd one in line hears this and says 'I want to be gorgeous too' Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous, but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing.
When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.
Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy eventually calms down and says:
'Make 'em all ugly again.'
NEXT TIME YOU'RE LAST IN LINE. BE HAPPY
MarriagE & ME
Many of us are too focused on the "me" in the equation.
Puzzled, the matchmaker requested more information. "She's actually very smart," the boy innocently revealed. "She agreed with all my opinions."
Puzzled, the matchmaker requested more information. "She's actually very smart," the boy innocently revealed. "She agreed with all my opinions."
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Playing with matches ???!!!!!
This is maybe one of the best ways, i as a shadchun feel today. i am sure all the caring shadchunim feel the same.
Hey, we are human as you all are.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Do singles really need to have anything in common ?
Actually, maybe the question should be; "Do singles really Have anything in common" ?
As much as the debate will go on about, that men and women are equal, the truth is that they are not, and will never be.
What each side should be asking is, " What can I contribute to the relationship to make it work? ".
Wishing all, a happy getting closer, Chanukkah !!!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Great Reasons To Be A Guy!
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind. You can go to the bathroom without a support group. You don't have to learn to spell a new last name. You can leave the motel bed unmade. You can kill your own food. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. Wedding plans take care of themselves. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack. If you are 34 and single nobody notices. Everything on your face stays its original color. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me." Gray hair and wrinkles only add character. Wedding dress -- $2000. Tuxedo rental -- 75 bucks.
You don't mooch off other's desserts. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with, "So, notice anything different?" You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. You almost never have strap problems in public, unless you play professional ball, and then for some reason it's okay. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You don't have to shave below your neck. At least a few belches are expected and tolerated. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack. If you are 34 and single nobody notices. Everything on your face stays its original color. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me." Gray hair and wrinkles only add character. Wedding dress -- $2000. Tuxedo rental -- 75 bucks.
You don't mooch off other's desserts. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with, "So, notice anything different?" You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. You almost never have strap problems in public, unless you play professional ball, and then for some reason it's okay. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You don't have to shave below your neck. At least a few belches are expected and tolerated. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE
AGE DRINK
17 Wine Coolers
25 White wine
35 Red wine
48 Dom Perignon
76 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
AGE EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17 Need to wash my hair
25 Need to wash and condition my hair
35 Need to color my hair
48 Need to have Francois color my hair
76 Need to have Francois color my wig
AGE FAVORITE SPORT
17 shopping
25 shopping
35 shopping
48 shopping
76 shopping
AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 "Burger King"
25 "Free meal"
35 "A diamond"
48 "A bigger diamond"
76 "Home Alone"
AGE FAVORITE FANTASY
17 tall, dark and handsome
25 tall, dark and handsome with money
35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48 a man with hair
76 a man
AGE WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 17
25 25
35 35
48 48
76 76
AGE IDEAL DATE
17 He offers to pay
25 He pays
35 He cooks breakfast the next morning
48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
76 He can chew breakfast
.
17 Wine Coolers
25 White wine
35 Red wine
48 Dom Perignon
76 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
AGE EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17 Need to wash my hair
25 Need to wash and condition my hair
35 Need to color my hair
48 Need to have Francois color my hair
76 Need to have Francois color my wig
AGE FAVORITE SPORT
17 shopping
25 shopping
35 shopping
48 shopping
76 shopping
AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 "Burger King"
25 "Free meal"
35 "A diamond"
48 "A bigger diamond"
76 "Home Alone"
AGE FAVORITE FANTASY
17 tall, dark and handsome
25 tall, dark and handsome with money
35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48 a man with hair
76 a man
AGE WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 17
25 25
35 35
48 48
76 76
AGE IDEAL DATE
17 He offers to pay
25 He pays
35 He cooks breakfast the next morning
48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
76 He can chew breakfast
.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
A wedding is an event — a marriage is a lifelong commitment ?
These two articles were sent to me discussing today's culture of weddings and marriage.
1. Has Hollywood Poisoned Your Chances of a Successful Marriage?
2. Do Rom-Coms Spoil Our Love Lives?
IMHO , after listening and reading what is happening even in -orthodox and/or religious circles, these opinions are very true..
While there are exceptions with some realistic people out there, how many though are conditioned to be realistic?
1. Has Hollywood Poisoned Your Chances of a Successful Marriage?
2. Do Rom-Coms Spoil Our Love Lives?
IMHO , after listening and reading what is happening even in -orthodox and/or religious circles, these opinions are very true..
While there are exceptions with some realistic people out there, how many though are conditioned to be realistic?
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Friday, December 05, 2008
World stands on 3 things:
TORAH boy has to learn.
AVODA - girl has to work.
GIMILUS CHASADIM - the parents have to support them.
AVODA - girl has to work.
GIMILUS CHASADIM - the parents have to support them.
The Shidduch Crisis by Chaya Sara Schlussel
Ich zug dir, I'm really suffering from the shidduch crisis. Finding one's bashert in today's society is just SO hard! I make hundreds of phone calls to shadchanim, begging everyone not to forget about me - but so many of them tend to brush me off with silly excuses like they have no time for me, they can't think of anyone for me, they're too busy with other things Even when they do find a few free moments to 'red' me a shidduch, they just never come up with anything decent! It's a shanda, I tell you.
No, don't be ridiculous - of course I'm not a 19-year-old girl!
I'm not a 24-year-old bochur, either.
I'm the MOTHER of a shidduch-age yingel - and he's the best boy in the yeshiva!
Oy, I hate krechtzing in public, but the truth is, it's a shrekliche matziv out there for us future mother in laws.
I asked my son a few months ago what kind of girl he's looking for. You know what he answered me? He said, "Ma, I just want a good girl." Ha! What does he know? So I'm making it my business to find him what I know he really needs. In fact, a shadchan called me just last week:
"Hello, Mrs. Vichtigmacher? I have a great girl for your son."
"You do? Terrific. What size is she?"
"Huh?"
"I asked, what size is she? My son doesn't want to go out with anyone bigger than a 2. A size nothing - an absolute 0 - would be perfect."
"Oh, well I don't know "
"And how tall is she?"
"Oh, she's average hei-"
"What do you mean by 'average?' My son doesn't want to go out with anyone shorter than 5'3, but of course he won't consider anyone taller than 5'5. She might make him look small and stumpy, especially if she wears heels. So this girl needs to fall within a three-inch radius for her to be acceptable."
"Ok. I just-"
"What does she look like?"
"What? Oh, she' a really nice looking girl."
"Nice looking? That's it? A new pair of shoes is 'nice looking.' A matching pocketbook is 'nice looking.' A good haircut is 'nice looking.' The girl my son is going to marry has to be more than just 'nice looking!'"
"This girl is pretty."
"Pretty - but not beautiful or stunning or gorgeous or extraordinary?"
"Yes, she's very-"
"How old is she? Anyone under age 19 is most likely too immature for my Gemarakup. Marrying someone that young would almost be like cradle snatching! 20 is just right. In my opinion - and I'm right about just about everything - any girl over 21 is already too settled in her ways to make a good spouse. My son won't be able to mould her personality anymore. He won't be able to properly train her to have a five course supper ready on the table by 5pm, or else. Or to iron and starch and fold his cashmere socks into perfect little 4-inch squares. You understand?"
"No, I'm not sure I-"
"And how many years can this girl's parents support my boy in kollel? My son doesn't want to go out with anyone who can't support him for at least the first decade. I mean, after all, a boy who sits and shvitzes and hureves in kollel deserves to get everything he wants, doesn't he? My son simply refuses to go out with anyone who doesn't come along with a house. And he's partial to BMW's."
"Oh. I didn't-"
"How many kids are in the family? My son doesn't want to go out with anyone who's the oldest in a large family, because then the girl is already burned out and overstressed by the time she gets married. The youngest in a large family is usually way too spoiled, so forget about that. And a middle child, nebach, a middle child is usually neglected. On the other hand, an ONLY child never learns to share with others or build sibling relationships, so my son would never consider that either. If this girl is, say, the third child in a family of 12 - that would be perfect."
"Actually, she's-"
"Oh. Very important. What does her father do for a living? My son would never go out with a girl whose father or grandfather, up to four generations back, worked in a butcher shop or a fish store. Anyone who can stand to witness the sight of that much blood obviously has no midas harachamim. And we won't take any truck drivers or used car salesmen either."
"Mrs. Vichtigmacher, I think-"
"Now hold on, I know exactly what you're going to say."
"You do?"
"Uh huh. You're going to tell me that this girl is everything I could possibly hope for in a girl. And that may be true. But I'm not finished getting information from you yet. I forgot to ask: On Shabbos, does her family eat on fine China or on paper plates?"
"Why does that matter?"
"Well, it's obvious. If they eat on fine China, they're probably feinshmekkers. On the other hand, if they eat on paper plates, they're probably practical people, down to earth, but they don't respect the kedusha of Shabbos as much as they should."
"Well then, what should they eat on?"
"Good question. And there's something else I need to know. Is the girl quiet, or is she loud?"
"She's not too quiet"
"Aha! She's not too quiet, you say! I know your shadchan euphemisms. That's a very subtle way of saying she has no eidelkeit. She's brash, loud, and way out of control, right? Her teachers probably couldn't handle her all throughout her 12 years of school. Her parents are probably desperate to get her married, just so she can settle down, right? Tell me the truth."
"No! The truth is that she's really pretty quiet, but-"
"She's quiet? You mean she's timid, shy, tzurikgeshtannen? Doesn't she have any friends? What are you redding my son, a mouse?!"
"Of course not, she's-"
"What will she wear on her head?"
"Excuse me?"
"On her head. A snood, a pony sheitel, a fall, a custom, a hat, a shpitzel? Which is it?"
"Um. I assume she'll just wear a regular-"
"Regula r? There's no such thing as 'regular.' What a woman wears on her head tells a lot about what's going on INSIDE her head. Is she 'modern,' 'yeshivish,' litvish,' 'chassidish' or 'Meah Shearimdig?' Is she a rebel or a rebbetzin?"
"She's a frum, wonderful, tzniusdige young lady! A really great baalas middos tovos, with a kind heart and derech eretz! Mrs. Vichtigmacher, she's just a good gir-"
"Did she go to camp?"
"Huh? Yes. She went to camp for a few summers, and some summers she stayed home."
"She stayed home? Why? Are her parents too poor to afford camp? Is she too attached to her mommy to leave home for a couple of weeks? Does she have some embarrassing problem that she doesn't want her bunkmates or counsellors to know? Does she snore or drool in her sleep? My son will never go out with a girl who hasn't been to camp."
"I told you. She went to camp. Just not every sum-"
"Did she go to seminary in Israel? You know, girls just don't come out right these days unless they go to seminary in Israel. My son won't go out with any girl who hasn't been to-"
"I get the point. You know what? I don't think this shidduch is going to work out after all. I don't have the time for you, I can't think o f anyone for you, and I'm too busy with other things. Good luck marrying off your son."
Oy, it's a shanda, I tell you. Vey iz mir! How I suffer from the shidduch crisis!
No, don't be ridiculous - of course I'm not a 19-year-old girl!
I'm not a 24-year-old bochur, either.
I'm the MOTHER of a shidduch-age yingel - and he's the best boy in the yeshiva!
Oy, I hate krechtzing in public, but the truth is, it's a shrekliche matziv out there for us future mother in laws.
I asked my son a few months ago what kind of girl he's looking for. You know what he answered me? He said, "Ma, I just want a good girl." Ha! What does he know? So I'm making it my business to find him what I know he really needs. In fact, a shadchan called me just last week:
"Hello, Mrs. Vichtigmacher? I have a great girl for your son."
"You do? Terrific. What size is she?"
"Huh?"
"I asked, what size is she? My son doesn't want to go out with anyone bigger than a 2. A size nothing - an absolute 0 - would be perfect."
"Oh, well I don't know "
"And how tall is she?"
"Oh, she's average hei-"
"What do you mean by 'average?' My son doesn't want to go out with anyone shorter than 5'3, but of course he won't consider anyone taller than 5'5. She might make him look small and stumpy, especially if she wears heels. So this girl needs to fall within a three-inch radius for her to be acceptable."
"Ok. I just-"
"What does she look like?"
"What? Oh, she' a really nice looking girl."
"Nice looking? That's it? A new pair of shoes is 'nice looking.' A matching pocketbook is 'nice looking.' A good haircut is 'nice looking.' The girl my son is going to marry has to be more than just 'nice looking!'"
"This girl is pretty."
"Pretty - but not beautiful or stunning or gorgeous or extraordinary?"
"Yes, she's very-"
"How old is she? Anyone under age 19 is most likely too immature for my Gemarakup. Marrying someone that young would almost be like cradle snatching! 20 is just right. In my opinion - and I'm right about just about everything - any girl over 21 is already too settled in her ways to make a good spouse. My son won't be able to mould her personality anymore. He won't be able to properly train her to have a five course supper ready on the table by 5pm, or else. Or to iron and starch and fold his cashmere socks into perfect little 4-inch squares. You understand?"
"No, I'm not sure I-"
"And how many years can this girl's parents support my boy in kollel? My son doesn't want to go out with anyone who can't support him for at least the first decade. I mean, after all, a boy who sits and shvitzes and hureves in kollel deserves to get everything he wants, doesn't he? My son simply refuses to go out with anyone who doesn't come along with a house. And he's partial to BMW's."
"Oh. I didn't-"
"How many kids are in the family? My son doesn't want to go out with anyone who's the oldest in a large family, because then the girl is already burned out and overstressed by the time she gets married. The youngest in a large family is usually way too spoiled, so forget about that. And a middle child, nebach, a middle child is usually neglected. On the other hand, an ONLY child never learns to share with others or build sibling relationships, so my son would never consider that either. If this girl is, say, the third child in a family of 12 - that would be perfect."
"Actually, she's-"
"Oh. Very important. What does her father do for a living? My son would never go out with a girl whose father or grandfather, up to four generations back, worked in a butcher shop or a fish store. Anyone who can stand to witness the sight of that much blood obviously has no midas harachamim. And we won't take any truck drivers or used car salesmen either."
"Mrs. Vichtigmacher, I think-"
"Now hold on, I know exactly what you're going to say."
"You do?"
"Uh huh. You're going to tell me that this girl is everything I could possibly hope for in a girl. And that may be true. But I'm not finished getting information from you yet. I forgot to ask: On Shabbos, does her family eat on fine China or on paper plates?"
"Why does that matter?"
"Well, it's obvious. If they eat on fine China, they're probably feinshmekkers. On the other hand, if they eat on paper plates, they're probably practical people, down to earth, but they don't respect the kedusha of Shabbos as much as they should."
"Well then, what should they eat on?"
"Good question. And there's something else I need to know. Is the girl quiet, or is she loud?"
"She's not too quiet"
"Aha! She's not too quiet, you say! I know your shadchan euphemisms. That's a very subtle way of saying she has no eidelkeit. She's brash, loud, and way out of control, right? Her teachers probably couldn't handle her all throughout her 12 years of school. Her parents are probably desperate to get her married, just so she can settle down, right? Tell me the truth."
"No! The truth is that she's really pretty quiet, but-"
"She's quiet? You mean she's timid, shy, tzurikgeshtannen? Doesn't she have any friends? What are you redding my son, a mouse?!"
"Of course not, she's-"
"What will she wear on her head?"
"Excuse me?"
"On her head. A snood, a pony sheitel, a fall, a custom, a hat, a shpitzel? Which is it?"
"Um. I assume she'll just wear a regular-"
"Regula r? There's no such thing as 'regular.' What a woman wears on her head tells a lot about what's going on INSIDE her head. Is she 'modern,' 'yeshivish,' litvish,' 'chassidish' or 'Meah Shearimdig?' Is she a rebel or a rebbetzin?"
"She's a frum, wonderful, tzniusdige young lady! A really great baalas middos tovos, with a kind heart and derech eretz! Mrs. Vichtigmacher, she's just a good gir-"
"Did she go to camp?"
"Huh? Yes. She went to camp for a few summers, and some summers she stayed home."
"She stayed home? Why? Are her parents too poor to afford camp? Is she too attached to her mommy to leave home for a couple of weeks? Does she have some embarrassing problem that she doesn't want her bunkmates or counsellors to know? Does she snore or drool in her sleep? My son will never go out with a girl who hasn't been to camp."
"I told you. She went to camp. Just not every sum-"
"Did she go to seminary in Israel? You know, girls just don't come out right these days unless they go to seminary in Israel. My son won't go out with any girl who hasn't been to-"
"I get the point. You know what? I don't think this shidduch is going to work out after all. I don't have the time for you, I can't think o f anyone for you, and I'm too busy with other things. Good luck marrying off your son."
Oy, it's a shanda, I tell you. Vey iz mir! How I suffer from the shidduch crisis!
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