Two different theories exist concerning the origin of children

Two different theories exist concerning the origin of children:
the theory of sexual reproduction, and the theory of the stork.

Many people believe in the theory of sexual reproduction because they have been taught this theory at school. In reality, however, many of the world's leading scientists are in favor of the theory of the stork.

If the theory of sexual reproduction is taught in schools, it must only be taught as a theory and not as the truth.
Alternative theories, such as the theory of the stork, must also be taught.

Evidence supporting the theory of the stork includes the following:

1. It is a scientifically established fact that the stork does exist. This can be confirmed by every ornithologist.

2. The alleged human fetal development contains several features that the theory of sexual reproduction is unable to explain.

3. The theory of sexual reproduction implies that a child is approximately nine months old at birth. This is an absurd claim.  Everyone knows that a newborn child is newborn.

4. According to the theory of sexual reproduction, children are a result of sexual intercourse. There are, however, several well-documented cases where sexual intercourse has not led to the birth of a child.

5. Statistical studies in the Netherlands have indicated a positive correlation between the birth rate and the number of storks. Both are decreasing.

6. The theory of the stork can be investigated by rigorous scientific methods. The only assumption involved is that children are delivered by the stork.

a good shachris attendance

A boy, Moishe Wolfson, (name changed to protect the innocent) was going out while he was in the yeshiva dormitory. The girl's father thought that it was very important that the boy his daughter was dating should have a good shachris attendance. So he decided to call the pay phone in the yeshiva that the boy was staying and ask whoever picked up how the boy's attendance was. Unfortunately Moishe's Shachris attendance was very bad, but as luck would have it the person who picked up the phone was non other than Moishe. This was the conversation that ensued:

Father: Hello, I was wondering if you know Moishe Wolfson? I have some shidduch questions to ask.
Moishe: Moishe, sure i know him really well. I would dare say that I know him as well as I know myself.
Father: Oh good, I really only have one question. How is his shachris attendance, does he come on time.
Moishe: Mr. Schwartz, to tell you the truth i don't get up on time all that much - on the average day i am late to shachris. But I can definitely tell you this - 

WHEN EVER I'M THERE HE'S THERE!

and they went out and got married!!

Generation Y

People born before 1946 were called The Silent generation..

- People born between 1946 and 1964 are called The Baby Boomers.

- People born between 1965 and 1979 are called Generation X, 

- And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called Generation Y , 

Why do we call the last group Generation Y?
 
Y should I get a job?
Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food?

How Adam Got Eve

How Adam Got Eve 

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, G-d asked him, 'What's wrong with you?'Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
G-d said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said, 'This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash them for you She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you,and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.She will praise you!She will bear your children.and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.'She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love andpassion whenever you need it.'
Adam asked G-d, 'What will a woman like this cost?'
'An arm and a leg.'
Then Adam asked, 'What can I get for a rib
Of course the rest is history..... .......!! !!

Blessed are You, O God, King of the Universe, Who created everything for His glory (The Marriage Ritual).

The surging divorce rate in recent years is appalling. While the Torah indeed provides for dissolving a relationship, there has never been in Jewish history anything like the current number of failed marriages.

Perhaps the problem stems from the partners' primary goals as they enter marriage. In Western civilization, what is called "love" has been accepted as the cornerstone of marriage. Unfortunately, this "love" too often refers to an attraction for the partner because of how he or she can gratify the other's physical and emotional needs. If this primary goal is not adequately met, the cement of the relationship disintegrates, and secondary factors alone cannot maintain it.

In the past, the primary focus of a marriage was the establishment of a family. [The first mitzvah found in the Torah is be fruitful and multiply (Genesis 1:28).] While physical and emotional needs were important, they were not primary, but secondary. Hence, when problems of this nature did develop, the relationship was still held together by the primary binding forces, and these secondary problems could be rectified and resolved.

Today I shall ...
...

try to realize what the true primary goals of my relationship with others should be.

same-sects marriages

NEW YORK - In an unusual display of unity, leaders of five Chasidic groups today issued a joint statement in support of proposed state legislation to allow same-sects marriages.
The groups represented were Belz, Pupa, Satmer, Bobov, and Lubavitch.
"Of course we want same-sects marriages," said Rabbi Wurzma Shtreimel, head of the Belz movement. "A Belzer should marry only a Belzer. That makes perfect sense."
The other rabbis agreed.
"If a Satmer weds a Bobover, woe to their offspring," proclaimed Rabbi Praymita Gartel of Satmer. "What would their children be-Satovers?? That's totally unheard of."
The rabbis shared concerns about the dilution of their individual groups through intersect marriages.
"The Tanya warns us," said Rabbi Mendy Pantz of Lubavitch. "If a Lubavitcher marries outside his sect, his children lose half their heritage.
His son is not Lubavitch, just Vitch. And his grandson becomes a son of a Vitch." At a separate news conference, Chasidic women expressed similar concerns.
"It's less confusing when our kind marry their own kind," said Rebbetzin Donna Kittel, founder of a Pupa women's group, The Mamas and the Pupas.
To prevent intersect marriages, Belz rebbetzin Gitta Kapotah announced the formation of a new community matchmaking service, Wedding Belz.
"We must protect our Belz," she said. "They're our family jewels." Contacted by Mr. Richard Feder of Ft. Lee, N.J.,
Rebbetzin Emily Littella of Bobov asked: "What's all this I hear about same-sox marriage?

Four Ways to Marry the Wrong Person

Leah's Poem - A Poem to American Jews

Martin Baxbaum – Faces into their Hearts

The true beauty about a person is not the outer look, but rather the inner complexion. I was taught in my life not to judge a book by its cover; even till today, I feel each and every single person is beautiful in a certain way.
Beauty comes from the heart, the mind and soul, the willingness to give and accept imperfections. Perfect is simply a relative measure of imperfection, and vice versa. Hence, appreciate the dislikes and accept the critics, as they are the bearings of what beauty reflects upon them

2 GET and 2 GIVE creates 2 many problems. But......................

2 GET and 2 GIVE creates 2 many problems. But if you just double it
=
4 GET  and 4 GIVE all the problems are solved!!

(anonymous)

Packages

People who are wrapped up in themselves make very small packages.

Relationships... square and check mark

Relationships...

Professor draws on chalk board a big square and makes a check mark inside of it.

He then draws a miniscule box and asks a woman to make a checkmark inside of it. The woman replies no because the box is too little.

He then asks a man who replies that it's the chalk that is too big!

“Hereby Resolved…” A Father’s Kabbalos by Dr. Jerry Lob

I will remember that I am your Tatty (father) and that I love you.
I will remember that you are a child.
I will find ways to show you that you are loved. I will say “I love you” more often and I will express it in other ways as well, perhaps with touch, tone of voice, smile, look on my face, and by giving of my time.
I will not degrade you, laugh at you, ridicule you in any way.
I will say “I am sorry” when I’m wrong.
I will criticize less and focus more often on the positives in you.
I will look for the big picture, keep perspective, keep my eyes on the prize, the prize of a loving, caring, joyful relationship with you.
I will remember that you are fragile, that my words and tone of voice can damage and slice through you, that you are soft even when you act hard. I will not be fooled when you act uncaring. I know different and I will remember.
I will tell you directly and assertively when I disagree with you, but not in a rage, and not with sarcasm, and with no eye rolling.
I will not hit you, no matter what. I will remember the words of Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe, shlita, that in this era it is prohibited to hit our children, that it will lead to their hatred. And the words of my Rebbi, the Rosh Hayeshiva Rabbi Yitzchok Feigelstock, shlita, that in this generation we need to follow the derech of warmth, no hitting.
* * *
I will smile more to you. I will smile more, period.
I will be attuned and more open to feel joy about you, to revel in your very existence. And I will display this joy more often.
I will respect you. I will respect your feelings, your need for space and privacy. I will respect your dignity. I will respect your opinions and your decisions, though at times I may overrule them (in your younger years).
I will be more patient. I will be more patient. I will be more patient. I will think often of Hashem’s midda of erech apayim (slow in anger).
I will set appropriate boundaries for you, for your safety, for your growth, for your ruchniyus, and I will not shirk my responsibility. And I will remember that it’s OK for you to be upset with me. I do this out of love.
I will remember that you are a work in progress, not a finished product, and while your pronouncements may sound secure, confident, finished, they’re not. I will patiently wait for you, with anticipation and some trepidation, through your journey.
I will be less concerned with kibbud av, and more concerned with kavod habrios (you are my most precious briya) and I will remember the Mishna that kavod comes to those who give it to others.
I will choose my battles and try to remember that the battles themselves are not personal, but part of the miracle of your growth. And I will learn to bite my tongue more.
I will be more loving to Mommy and always respectful to her. I will remember the look on your face when I’ve said something hurtful to her. I will make more effort to bring joy into our family, to bring to our home a spirit of song.
I will remember that no matter your age, you still look to me (as I look to my father), and what is important is not so much the information I impart to you, but who I am to you.
I will not take revenge when I am hurt. Even if you have intentionally hurt me and even if I am so angry, so very angry, I will not respond in kind. I will remember that I am the parent and you are the child. I will try to find quiet and calm. I will not give you the silent treatment, either. I will ask for your apology, but I will not take revenge.
I will laugh more. I will be on the lookout to laugh more with you. At times I will try to laugh at myself.
I will remember the sparkle in my father’s eyes when he saw me or introduced me to others, the sparkle that spoke more eloquently than words of his pride. And I will sparkle for you.
I will play more with you. I will give you your own time with me everyday even if only for a few minutes.
I will learn more with you. And I will try to make this time warm and joyous and not full of tension and anger.
I will be determined to be proud of you. I will see your inner beauty, not your grades or how you look, but your neshama, your goodness, your kindness, your unique strengths, skills, and talents. I will remember that each child is different and may have a different derech. I will love you because you are, not because you do. And not because of what you give to me.
I will attempt to bring more joy into Shabbos and Yom Tov and into Yiddishkeit. I will remember that it is my simcha in Torah and mitzvos that will draw you to them, my enthusiasm that will generate yours, and it is my love of Hashem that will deepen your love of Hashem.
I will take an interest in your life. If you share it with me, I will feel joy in your joys and sadness in your sorrows. I will not make light of your reactions. I will take you seriously. I will be available for you and will be respectful if you choose not to share.
* * *
I will not look at you with disgust. I will not call you names. You are my child.
I will not try to break your spirit. I will try to embrace, celebrate and guide your spirit.
I will not ignore your suffering. I will put aside my work and my tiredness and my chessed work and even my learning to be there for you, whenever you need me. You are my most important mitzva.
I will look deep into myself and remember how painful childhood and adolescence can be, and I will honor you and support you. I will not abandon you when you need me most, even when it feels like you are pushing me away.
I will have more fun with you and I will remember that our shared laughter and love brings the Shechina.
I will remember that I am your Tatty,
and that I love you.

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women and Men......................

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean...)

10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You are one Jurassic geezer.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)
6. I've got a boyfriend (who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's).
5. I don't date men where I work. (Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)
4. It's not you, it's me. (It's not me, it's you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.) 
2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.) 

...and the number 1 rejection line given by women (and what it actually means)  
1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male perspective thing.) 
___________________________________________________ 

In response...   The male perspective on the same issue ... 

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men (and what they actually  mean...)  

10. I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.)
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.)
6. I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.)
5. I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.)
4. It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.)
2. I'm celibate. (You're ugly.)

...and the number 1 rejection line given by men (and what it actually means)
1. Let's be friends. (You're sinfully ugly.)

A wedding tragedy:

A wedding tragedy:

To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money!