The Birth Order Of Children

Your Clothes:

a.. 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
b.. 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
c.. 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth:
a.. 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
b.. 2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
c.. 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The Layette:
a.. 1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
b.. 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
c.. 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries:
a.. 1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
b.. 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when his/her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
c.. 3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier:
a.. 1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
b.. 2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
c.. 3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Diapering:
a.. 1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
b.. 2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
c.. 3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities:
a.. 1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
b.. 2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
c.. 3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out:
a.. 1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
b.. 2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
c.. 3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home:
a.. 1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
b.. 2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
c.. 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins:
a.. 1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
b.. 2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
c.. 3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!


GRANDCHILDREN: ...G-d's reward for allowing your children to live