the problems of today…

A teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around.

Teen says, "Grandpa, they didn't have a whole lot of problems with all these diseases when you were young did they?"

Grandpa replies, "Nope."

Teen says, "Well, what did you guys use for safe sex?"

Grandpa replies, "A wedding ring."

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Q: What is a lesbian?

A: Just another woman trying to do a man's job!

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Dating - The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
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Nymphomaniac - A man's term for a woman who wants to do it more often than he does.

TRUTH'S about MARRIAGE ?

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
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When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
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After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
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By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
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Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
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The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
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I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
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"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henry Youngman
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"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
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"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
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"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
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Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming:
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it.
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
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You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
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Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
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A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
Anonymous
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First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Is this how your want your marriage to look like?

Is this how your want your marriage to look like?

Does your marriage look like this?

How much should parents be involved?

IMHO, parents need to be very involved. However, what does that really mean?

If parents were looking out truly for the children, then yes, of course they (both) should be involved.

What is happening today is the opposite. Parents are looking what are best for them not for the children! Which is why this shiduchim business is getting worse?

Therefore, between untrained shadchunim, uneducated daters, and confused parents, I truly wonder what the present and the future hold.

Top 10 Reasons G-d Created Eve

10. G-d worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.
9. G-d knew that Adam would one day require someone to locate and hand him the TV remote.
8. G-d knew that Adam would never go out and get himself a new
fig leaf when his seat wore out and would, therefore, need Eve to go get one for him.
7. G-d knew that Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.
6. G-d knew that Adam would never be able to remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.
5. G-d knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.
4. As "Keeper of the Garden," Adam would never remember where he left his tools.
3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when G-d caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone!"
And finally, the number ONE reason that G-d created Eve...
1. When G-d finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head, and said, "I can do better than THAT!"

The exact words ?

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a
curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact
words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man
and wife."

Handy Guide

We know that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: What did I do wrong?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

It's what inside that counts?

Inanimate Objects

You may not know this, but many non-living things have a gender.

1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and is often over-inflated.

4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.

5) Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

6) A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.

7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

8) An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male, didn't you?
But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!

Dating: Ugly, Expensive, and Self-Destructive?

Respect is love in plain clothes.

Respect is love in plain clothes.

Frankie Byrne

Back doors ?

Since when is boring illegal ?

Ah, but enough about me

Difficult and/or simple

How ready is today's new dating and married couples ready to having and bringing up children?

Are today's generation being over-info-ed therefore scaring them too much?

Taking advice and giving advice

Are there very few people giving advice because there are very few who can give it or is it because there are very few who will take advice?

Unless ?

Bars, Beer and Woman

What should be discussed at dates?

The difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one

MARRIAGE

Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid.

Harlan Miller


Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth.

John Lyly
"Mother Bombie"