Wow. The simple ultimate question!
Even some of the Ultra-Orthodox Jews are having this problem. Once upon a time and still in Hasidic circles, it began where each set of parents would meet the parents and prospective boy/girl in their home territory. So the girl's parents would come over to the boy's home and meet the parents and boy and shmooze for a while. Afterwards the parents would leave the boy alone with the girl's parents so that they can get a direct question and answer session with the boy. The same scenario would play out with the boy's parents and the girl.
If "all was well", then the real date began. The real date was where the boy's parents and the boy came over to the girl's house and everyone sat down at the table to shoomze. When the timing was correct, all parents would leave the room, leaving the boy and girl for a direct conversation time alone.
Nowadays where "looks" are more important than ever before, and the girl gets first say, the "dating" scenario is quite different. Since pictures never tell the true story, and to do it the way it was done would be considered a date, there is now a pre-date date. So for example if the girl is from Boro Park, the boy is told to be in Eihlers store on 50th and 13th Ave at a set time to technically meet the boy. What of course also happens, is that the mother and the girl are there too, so that the girl can size up the boy.
Therefore if the girl does not approve of the boy, there was never a date!
Is this pre-date dating correct? The purpose of the "old-and still current method" was to not cause any embarrassment to anyone. By going public this way, and to not call it a date, is embarrassment now allowed or not to be considered?
Isn't the purpose of dating to just to get to know the other? Isn't dating so that one should truly be able to make a educated lifetime choice?
Why has dating become a dirty word? Why has a "process" become a failure?
In order for anything we plant to grow we all know that the seed in the ground rots before it becomes a new growth. Even what we call "failures", is truly only a process. Why are we fearing fear itself?
What fear does is paralyze. Let's not continue to paralyze ourselves before we even begin life.
2 comments:
It's definitely a good idea to "size up" the prospective girl or guy before the date.
But "sizing up" doesn't mean a glimpse at what they look like.
It would be worthwhile to discreetly find out about the prospective's personality and family before the "date".
rabbi s:
could u please elaborate? how would u suggest one to go about it?
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