Confessions from the professional shadchan:

Confessions from the professional Shadchan:

I am a great shadchan! Who knows how to date successfully better than me? Nobody! There are a couple secrets that I will reveal here to guarantee your success. Follow them to a tee and I guarantee results. If I reveal my name singles from all over will know how on target I can be, and I simply would never be able to handle the influx of singles who would contact me for shidduchim. So for the greater good of everyone dating out there I will give off these pearls of dating wisdom for free, anonymously.

We all know there are people out there who do not understand the implications of family values that are reflected by simple daily actions. Do not worry about the big things like how anyone plans to support a family; we all know Hashem will take care of those things. It is the small things that really tell you about someone. For example, a family's health is easily discernable by the dress size of the mother. It is these small yet usually overlooked details that are obviously just the tip of the iceberg when trying to understand what type of family you are investigating. I know these things as a professional shadchan who has set up hundreds of singles. If only these single people listened to each of my rules, they would all be married by now. Since they do not listen, they are still single. I want to help you find the perfect person to marry. The small details are what will set you apart from those in the "Shidduch crisis".

Lets start with preparations for the date.
In the course of your life you will probably have numerous jobs but only one spouse. When you go on a job interview, you wear a suit. A date is not just an interview, it is more important than that, and you should show your date you are serious about dating by wearing the nicest clothes you own.

Men - The Shadchan should tell you when to pick up the girl. Most shadchanim are excited about setting up a couple so they will tell you a time too early. Whatever time the shadchan tells you to pick up the girl, show up twenty minutes later and claim you were so engrossed in learning you lost track of time. Girls love that!
Women - After reading this, you know the boy will be showing up late for his first date. Just as he tries to impress you by being late, you do the same thing to him. Guys love a challenge. When the boy comes to the door, do NOT open it! Let your mom (also who must be dressed appropriately for a date) open the door to show she takes care of the family. Then your date should be led to your father who should sit and talk to the boy for at least ten minutes before you come down. This builds up the boys' anticipation. By the time you make your appearance the boy will see you and simply fall in love when all his expectations were met. You are dressed in your best Shabbos clothes, so bring a long coat. Never mind the weather, bring the coat: You will see why later.

Transportation:
Men - NEVER open a car door for a girl. If you do, she may think you are doing so simply to catch a glimpse of her legs as she maneuvers into the front seat. Show her you are better than that!
Women - NEVER wear the seatbelt. I heard of stories where the boys would stop short simply to force the girl into the seatbelt to reveal her figure. If you do not wear the seatbelt, the boy will be forced to drive safely. If the boy asks you to put one on, he is obviously perverted on some level.

Where to go on a date:
I heard there is this whacko who takes his dates to places that are fun. He obviously goes to places that are fun to mask his insecurity, and is not ready to date for real. Prove to the girl that you are so secure with your own personality that you go where everyone else goes! Obviously the best place is a nice hotel lobby.
Men - Never offer to sit at a small table if the chairs are positioned across from each other. This may lead to your feet accidentally touching the girls feet under the table. Offer to sit on a couch. If you are right handed, you must sit on her right side. This way your uncomfortable left hand will never accidentally do anything to brush against her. If there is any possibility of this happening, you are sitting WAY to close on the couch which will make her uncomfortable. Shimmy away into the corner of the couch. If she shimmies to the other corner, you know things are progressing properly.
Women- It really doesn't matter what side of the couch you sit on. Unlike most men, you can control what you do with your hands. Do not lean to far back into the couch as the boy will think you are showing off your figure. Do not slouch to far forward as the boy will think you are trying to show off your behind. Sit as straight as possible with your hands resting on your lap. Your long coat will be draped over your lap to shade your feet from his peripheral vision.

Walking:
Let's say it is a pleasant night and you want to go for a walk. Even something as simple as a walk can seal or wreck a relationship. Know the rules and your next walk will be down the aisle.
Men- Show the girl early that you are in control and always walk one step ahead of her. Women like men of power and on the first date you can show her who is boss! She will respect you.
Women - In today's modern world, men think they rule everything, but we know who the boss really is. As the boy is walking, let him stay one step ahead of you. But, you can really show him who's boss by walking one step slower than him. This will force him to walk slower. You will be secretly controlling him and he will think he is being nice by not saying anything. The slower you walk, the more powerful he thinks he is, and the more powerful you really are! You will both impress each other.

Dropping off your date:
Ending the date the right way will provide either a second date or an opportunity for a better shidduch date next time. Men: A) No matter what - tell the girl you had a great time and you can't wait to talk again soon. This way, no matter what, you will make the girl feel happy as you part ways.
B) There is never a reason to walk a girl to her door. That is goyish and only belongs in the movies.
Women: A) No matter what - Agree with the guy no matter what he says. You can always claim to the shadchan you, or he, said something else. This way, no matter what, as the boy leaves, you will make him feel happy as you part ways.
B) In our circles, boys do not walk girls to the door, so no matter how hot it may be outside, make sure you are wearing that long Shabbos coat. This way, when you walk away from the car, the boy who may want to look at your figure will see nothing but how modest you are in your dress. The boy may show how modest he is by driving away as soon as you exit his car. This shows you that he is modest enough not to look at you. Either way- it's the best way a date can end if you both know the proper behavior.

We are all brought up in separate schools, we go to separate camps, we should not talk to each other after Shul, we do not even sit with each other at weddings. In our world, we do not mix. We have no reason to rely on the etiquette used by those lesser people who meet under so called "normal" circumstances. As long as everyone would follow the same rules as mentioned above, there would be no shidduch "crisis" at all.

It is the troublemakers who think for themselves and think there is a better way who ruin it for all of us.

You may want to do things a little different to show that you are "special". That is fine, but if you take that risk, my guarantee for success will no longer be in effect. You can do what you want, but trust me on the long Shabbos coat.

Good Luck.

Shadchan A.