THE MAN'S POINTS SYSTEM
For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, hereit is:
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects...Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed... 1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows...0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...-1 You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings... 5 But return with beer ...-5 You check out a suspicious noise at night ...0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing...0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's something.... 5 You pummel it with a six iron.... 10 It's her father...-10 You leave the toilet seat up...-5 You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty...0 When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1 When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom...-2
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS You stay by her side the entire party...0 You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy...-2 Named Tiffany...-4 Tiffany is a dancer...-6 Tiffany has implants...-8
HER BIRTHDAY You take her out to dinner...0 You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar... 1 Okay, it is a sports bar...-2 And it's all-you-can-eat night...-3 It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team...-10
THOUGHTFULNESS You forget her birthday completely...-20 You forget your anniversary...-30 You forget to pick her up at the bus station...-45 Which is in Newark, New Jersey...-50 And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast...-60
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS Go out with a pal ...-5 And the pal is happily
married ...-4 Or frighteningly single ...-7 And he drives a Mustang...-10 With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) ...-15 You have a few beers...-9 And miss curfew by an hour...-12 You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't call...-20 You get home at 3 am...-30 You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars ...-40 And not wearing any pants...-50 Is that a tattoo??...-200
HER NIGHT OUT You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from
work... 5 She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home real late... 10 You wait up... 15 She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed... 20
A NIGHT OUT You take her to a movie... 2 You take her to a movie she likes... 4 You take her to a movie you hate... 6 You take her to a movie you like...-2 It's called DeathCop 3...-3 Which features cyborgs having sex...-9 You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans...-15
FLOWERS You buy her flowers only when it's expected...0 You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it... 20 You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself... 30 And she contracts Lyme disease...-25
YOUR PHYSIQUE You develop a noticeable potbelly...-15 You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it... 10 You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts...-30 You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too"....-800
FINANCES You spend a lot of money on something impractical... 5 Something she can't use... 10 Such as a motorized model airplane...-20 And you buy her a clock radio for her birthday...-40
DRIVING You let her tell you how to drive... 20 You let her mother tell you how to drive... 40 You lost the directions on a trip...-4 You lost the directions and end up getting lost...-10 You end up getting lost because you followed her directions ... 10 You end up getting lost in a bad part of town ...-15 You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal...-25 You know them...-60
THE BIG QUESTION She asks, "Do I look fat?"...-5 (Sensitive questions always start with a deficit) You hesitate in responding...-10 You reply, "Where?"...-35
COMMUNICATION When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression...0 When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes.... 5 You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV... 10 She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep...-20
2 comments:
Ha-ha! You'll get 100 pts from me!
But really, she always expects me to know everything about her moods and whims.
Like this other time, we usually eat them no problem. The regular and low-fat ones. But when brought the low fat yogurts for the second evening in a row (well, they were on sale in the store,) she was so up set i thought I'd never make it up... And why? Because the scale showed her some higher numbers that day.
Now go figure!
So how does one (best) answer the question "Do I look fat(/in this)?"
??????????????????????????
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