Emotional Adultery! Are You Cheating?

Emotional Adultery! Are You Cheating? Is Your Mate Cheating?
By Laura Snyder

The rules used to be so clear: you slept with someone else, you cheated. But now relationship experts are saying that emotional intimacy - with closeness, sexual chemistry and secrecy - is just as damaging to a relationship as sexual infidelity.

According to the late Shirley Glass, family therapist and author of Not 'Just Friends', the new infidelity is between people who - unwittingly - form deep connections with a friend before realizing things aren't so innocent.

It's called an 'emotional affair'. Are you having one? Is your partner?

Do you keep secrets from your spouse or partner?
Is your lover in the loop when you take your special friend out to lunch, or meet for drinks after work? If your answer includes the phrase, "but my partner just doesn't understand," it sounds like you've got something to hide.

Are you conversationally committed?
Is your mate telling you less about what's going on in his/her life?
Do you share more of the mundane details of your day with your friend than with your partner? Experts explain that sharing more of your life with someone other than your spouse is a way of withholding intimacy.

Do your chats cross the line?Is your partner very close with a particular friend?
Are you dishing details you wouldn't divulge your partner was around? Even more telling: are you talking about negative or intimate details of your love life with your friend? If it's your partner you suspect of cheating, ask yourself if it sound like he or she has a case of 'mentionitis' - the inability to carry on a conversation without including numerous references to a new pal, no matter how tenuous the link to subject matter?

Has your buddy list lengthened?
Is your partner catching up with old friends?
Are you meeting new friends on the Internet without your partner's knowledge? Has your sweetie mentioned getting back in touch with former flames? According to one report, more than one-third of romantic reunions begin when at least one of the people was already married; current research suggests that number may have doubled. Sure, you may not be looking for trouble, but that doesn't mean it won't find you on its own. That same study says half of those having such affairs said they had happy marriages and would never have cheated with someone other than the person from their past.