Popularity

Here is a clear Chicken Soup story about being popular.

Blizzards and Sweater Vests By Ester Sooter, Age 16

While in middle school, students seem to have one goal: to be popular. More than anything, most of the students fervently hope to not be accused of going against the grain. These young teenagers would much rather conform and be accepted by the "in" crowd than focus on finding their own identity, style or path. Like most thirteen-year-olds, I succumbed to this need to fit in. One afternoon, however, I had a conversation with my father that made me think twice about following the rest of the lemmings over the proverbial cliff.
My dad and I were sitting in the dining area of the local Dairy Queen eating Blizzards on a dreary winter afternoon. We had run the gambit of usual conversation topics: school, orchestra, my plans for the weekend. Then, and I'm not quite sure how the discussion began, we started talking about popularity. I told him that I wanted to be popular, or at least accepted favorably by those who were. He looked at me and asked me why I felt that way. I shrugged my shoulders and looked back into my drink. I had never stopped to think about why I felt the need to fit in . . . I simply did. I had been told by my friends that I should want to be popular, and since I had always trusted them, I was inclined to believe them.
My father proceeded to tell me a story from his college days. His mother, my grandmother Lorraine, had made him several sweater vests to wear at school. These sweater vests were practical and comfortable, but hardly "in style." Nevertheless, they became a staple of my father's wardrobe. He didn't care that he wasn't sporting the latest fashion. In fact, he didn't care what everyone thought of him, either. I was shocked. What was even more surprising was that after a few weeks, other students at my dad's school began wearing sweater vests. By deviating from the norm, my father had started a trend. What he wore became fashionable because the other students saw the confidence with which he dressed.
This information was a lot for a thirteen-year-old girl to process, especially one who had been carefully taught about what was "cool" and what was most certainly not cool. I found it hard to believe that going against the grain could have benefits for me, so I continued to wear the same clothes, listen to the same music and go to the same places that my peers did. Surely my father was mistaken. This is also, of course, the stage in which children think they know infinitely more than their parents. I had not yet seen the light, and I continued on my quest for popularity. However, our conversation that bleak winter day replayed over and over in my mind.
As the days passed and I mulled it over, I realized that my father's words might have some validity after all. I began to evaluate my wardrobe to find which items I had bought because they were cool and which items I'd bought because I truly liked them. I also looked back at my actions, attempting to determine how many of them I performed to please the crowd and how many of them I performed because I actually enjoyed them. I found myself caring less and less what people thought about me. It was wonderfully liberating.
I have come a long way since middle school. It no longer bothers me that those who still feel compelled to follow the herd do not accept me as one of their own. I do not strive to dress in the latest fashions; if anything, I attempt to create my own. The conversation I had with my father about wearing sweater vests and feeling the need to fit in sparked in me the desire to deviate from the beaten path and form one of my own. I have learned a valuable lesson in the process: Swimming against the current can only make me stronger.

Reprinted by permission of Ester Sooter (c) 2003 from Chicken Soup for the Soul Real Deal: School by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen,. In order to protect the rights of the copyright holder, no portion of this publication may be reproduced without prior written consent. All rights reserved.

What struck me is that I see that this is continuing in the dating scene. It is shocking how many dates decline because "what are my friends going to say?”

When I ask who is your dating mentor, guess what, most answer, my friends! Now how truly objective are the friends?

I also got a thought for the day email, which reads, "If brains were taxed, most people would get a rebate.” Kind of sums up a Shadchun's feeling many times.

Afraid of love or just totally ignorant?

As a shadchun the buzz words "no chemistry" keeps coming up.

Amazingly to me, people actually are looking for "chemistry" from pictures.

hmmmmmm. ok . Maybe I'm just hungry.

: )

Three wishes

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"
The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful
Woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM- she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world, and he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."





Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.



















The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife

Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

Creating Space for Love

True love requires accepting someone for who they are, without projecting our dreams and fantasies upon them.

A relationship of dominance does not express love. Judaism teaches that love is making a space within yourself for another and giving of yourself to that other. Only when two people give to each other and help each other within a relationship of mutual respect and inclusiveness can they experience the power and miracle of true love.

So how does all this fit with the well known verse in the Torah stating that "He will rule over you" (Genesis 3:16). Is this not the very source and justification for man's dominance over woman? The answer is, "No, on the contrary." The Torah is telling us that this is a curse, not the norm, and not the ideal to strive for. We are responsible to nullify this curse, just as modern technology in agriculture is nullifying the curse of "cursed is the ground for your sake... thorns and thistles shall it bring forth to you... by the sweat of your brow shall you eat bread."

We see how the curse of male dominance was nullified in the loving relationships of all the Jewish Patriarchs and Matriarchs.

God tells Abraham: "All that Sarah has said to you, hearken to her voice" (Genesis 21:12). The Oral tradition teaches that this verse indicates that Sarah's prophetic sense was stronger than Abraham's. Rebecca too, could hardly be described as subordinate to her husband Isaac. It was Rebecca who courageously coaxed her son Jacob into disguising himself as his manipulative brother Esau and coming before blind Isaac to get the blessing. Rebecca had the insight to know that it was truly Jacob who deserved the blessings, and she needed to orchestrate this play in order to help Isaac realize the sad truth regarding Esau's manipulation.

We also find that when Jacob wanted to move out of his father-in-law's house, he needed to earnestly seek the agreement of his wives Rachel and Leah. He was not willing to implement a decision without their opinion and consent.

A student of mine, while she was dating, had an encounter with a fellow who took the curse of male dominance as an ideal standard for a relationship. On the first date, he asked her, "Do you like to cook?"

She said, "No, I hate it."

"Well," he said, "do you like to clean?"

"No!"

"What about laundry?"

"Absolutely not."

She saw that her answers were shocking him, so she said, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Is this a job interview?"

It was clear the guy wasn't looking for a wife, but for a housekeeper. Women tend to make the same mistake by asking about the man's money making status and how good are his chances for advancements.

So Who are We Looking For?

In the very opening sentences of the Torah we are told that the first human being was created in God's own image. And what was that image? The first human being was actually a man and a woman -- a single entity that included the two sexes. "And God created man in His own image, in the image of God created He him; male and female created He them" (Genesis 1:27).

In this union of male and female, in this oneness of opposites, the first human being reflected the image of God -- a oneness that includes otherness and yet remains one.

This is a very important concept. A lone individual does not reflect the image of God; an individual in unity with another individual does. So until an individual makes a space to include another, and allows that other to do the same, we do not have the oneness that reflects the image of God.

The Torah records that after the human being was created, God said: "It is not good for man to be alone."

God determines that the human being needs "a helper," but it is a while before Eve is created. Instead, all the birds and animals are created and the human being is asked to name them. At the conclusion of which, the Torah tells us that he did not find a helpmate.

What does naming the creatures have to do with finding a helpmate?

The Midrash explains that God was playing matchmaker. God was fixing up the first human being with all the animals in the garden. And Adam was going out on dates. Well, imagine Adam standing there in the lobby of the Paradise Hotel. He is waiting anxiously and who walks in but... "That's a... that's an... elephant! Umm... this isn't going to work, God."

Poor Adam. He was surrounded by all these animals but he wasn't happy. Now why couldn't he be happy with an attractive giraffe or a cute little chicken? Because an animal is subordinate to man; it's not his equal. In fact, Adam was commanded to "have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth" (Genesis 1:28). Adam cannot overcome his loneliness and find true love with a subordinate being over whom he rules.

The Torah is very clear in describing an appropriate spouse. God said, "I will make a fitting helper who is kenegdo" -- against him, opposite and parallel to him. In other words, God will create for him someone who, in a very positive, respectful way, will stand opposite him and engage him on parallel ground.

An animal may be a great help to man in doing his work, but an animal cannot be the "significant other." You will not be ultimately satisfied in the quest for love unless it is with someone you acknowledge is your equal, and whose difference you respect.

Dating Realities

That's not to say that some insecure men would prefer not to be challenged. I have heard guys advise each other: "Get yourself a young girl, one you can mold." And yes, a man might find someone young and vulnerable and try to make this woman fit his ridiculous fantasy of a wife who considers him the lord and master. But he will only make his life harder as a result. He will have a very lonely existence, and he will sorely miss the engagement that a "helpmate kenegdo" would have provided, an engagement that is essential in the process of spiritual growth. All the sadder, because, in this way, he will deprive himself the opportunity of being the living manifestation of God expressed through the ability to love, making a space within himself to include a unique other.

In order to love, you need to withdraw yourself from the center and create a space for another in your life. Love starts only when you do that. In other words, if you are self-centered, you are not ready for love. If you are self-centered, you can't make enough space to nurture another. And true love is not only creating that space within your life for another, but also giving him or her that space and respecting and maintaining that space. It is being a part of another life and removed from that life at the same time.

Viva la Difference

Once we're able to withdraw ourselves from the center and create space for another, we must develop the keen sensitivity for just how uniquely different -- just how other -- our partners are. We tend to see what we have in common, and we tend to overlook the differences. When people say, "love is blind," this is what they mean.

But true love is not blind. True love is seeing -- seeing the differences, the otherness, the good and the bad. True love is seeing and still loving. In Hebrew, the verb "to see" is directly related to the verb "to respect." And that is what seeing with the eyes of true love means. True love requires that we see and accept and respect those we love for who they are, without projecting our dreams and fantasies upon them.

This is very hard, because we tend to want to fit those we love into our imaginary pictures of love. And if they don't quite fit, we want to alter them to fit.

But if we succeed in seeing not just what we have in common with those we love, but what makes us different, and if we appreciate and honor those differences, then we can take the next step toward giving of ourselves to that person. And simultaneously we must enable our partners to do the same for us, which means allowing them to make a space in their lives for us, allowing them to acknowledge our otherness, allowing them to give of themselves to us.

Excerpted from Rabbi Aaron's book, "Endless Light".


This article can also be read at: http://www.aish.com/dating/wisdom/Creating_Space_for_Love.asp

Why do husbands not want to come home?

A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening
just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the
evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and
heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the
line.

"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.

"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"

"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact,
three doctors are there already!"

------------------------------------
The cartoon above and the joke illustrate the reality of many marriages.

As the saying goes, "it takes two to tangle.”

There is no doubt that the blame, seeming always one sided especially to the parties themselves, is if looked upon honestly, and objectively, is truly on both.

What I find now, as a shadchun more than ever before, is that this "truth" is becoming a sizeable chunk of the reason why the dating scene is so frustrating.

People are seeking someone who will continue to grow, and most people will not.
People are realizing more than ever before that they will not change their spouses.
To sum it all up, after this picture emerges in many minds, despair and hopelessness sets.

Aside from the truly religious who marry mostly for procreation of the Jewish people and that is the prime and only reason, no matter what the cost, I, as a shadchun do not see where the rest of the Jewish people are going to get.

Hashem help and enlighten us all.

Looking for your soulmate ?

Love at First Math
by Martin M. Bodek

There are 3,292,393,161,375,414,113 beings in this universe.

3,292,393,155,307,785,103 of those include G-d, angels, seraphim, aliens, creatures, cartoon characters, and imaginary friends. That leaves 6,067,692,010 available human earthlings you can date!

Jews currently represent 1/5 of 1% of the world's population. That leaves about 13,000,000 people you can pick from.

Of the 13,000,000 Jews available, 50% are not quite the gender you're looking for, that leaves 6,500,000.

Plenty of Jews are currently dating, plenty of Jews are already married, plenty others aren't dating yet. So we can eliminate 2/3rds of what's available. That leaves about 2,166,666 people.

There are several categories of Judaic practice, in no particular order whatsoever, they are: Reform, Conservative, Orthodox, Yeshivish, Litvish, Chasidish, Black Hatters, Kipa Srugarians, and Young Israelites. Since no one should be dating outside of their category - lest they suffer from community gossip - we can eliminate 8/9ths of what's left. That leaves 240,740 people.

4/5ths of what's left don't have the funds, transportation, or desire to date anyone not from their continent. 48,148 left over.

3/4ths of what's left are nowhere near your age. That leaves 12,037 people.

2/3rds of those are too lazy to date anyone located more than 50 miles away. That leaves 4,012 people.

Of those, half are waiting for love to find them, they can wait.

That leaves 2,006 people. 6 Jews are too cheap to pay the tolls. Of the 2,000 people left over, you will never hear of nor will anyone ever mention 3/4ths of them to you. 500 people are left over.

Let's assume that 500 is the maximum amount you'll ever get "ret" to you in your entire lifetime. Of these 500, 50 will be too tall for you to ever go out with; 50 will be too short for you to ever go out with; 50 you won't go out with because some friend of theirs told them not to go out with you; 50 you won't go out with because some friend of YOURS told you not to go out with them; 40 are too reform/ Conservative/ Orthodox/Yeshivish/ Litvish/ Chasidish/ Black Hatty/ Kipa Srugy/ Young Israeli; 40 aren't Reform/ Conservative/ Orthodox/ Yeshivish/ Litvish/ Chasidish/Black Hatty/ Kipa Srugy/ Young Israeli ENOUGH, and 20 simply give your mother a "bad vibe." That leaves 200.

Now let's assume that 200 people is the maximum that a person will ever date. Of these 200, 4/10ths will reject you, and you'll never know why, 1/10th will dump you with a pretty good reason. That leaves 100.

Let's assume that with what's left over, YOU get to decide what to do. 10 are too dumb, 10 are too smart, 10 have an attitude, 10 you have hashkafa problems with, 10 you're not attracted to, 10 you have nothing in common with, 10 are too self-centered, 10 are selfish, 10 did weird stuff on your date that you didn't approve of. That leaves 10.

Of the remaining 10, 5 you share no chemistry with, 1 is a fruitcake, 1 is nutty, 1 scares you for no particular reason, 1 should be locked up, and 1 belongs in Bellevue. That leaves your bashert.

BEAUTY OR THE BEAST REVISITED - ON A LIGHTER NOTE!

( got this email )

Setting: Boy and friend on one side of stage

Girl and friend on other side of stage : both sit in front of computer screens in their homes.


Boys side of table
B :Hey Jared Dude- take a look at this girl's picture on JDating Website, dude she is a total babe!!
J: Like Dude, she is a beautiful baby- totally send her an email dude, and let's go hit the keg, at that Jewish frat party
B: Totally Dude, but what should I write her? I mean she's a total hottie.
J: Dude - just say - wasssup baby how about you and I take a ride on the Jewish car of love.
B: Dude you're a genius: Dear (looks closer) "Fraydie613,"
J: Fraydie?
B: Yeah dude. Dear Fraydie613, you are certainly the sweetest thing on the internet. Do you want to take a ride in my jewish love car, there is nothing to be afraid of. (both laugh) heheheh


Girls side of table
F: Shani Shani! come quick, Boruch Hashem, I finally received an electronic message from that dating website your aunt put my picture on, I am so excitedI may just have to put on my shabbos suit and finish all of tehillim.
S: OH fraiyde - I am so happy for you! Perhaps, bezras Hashem this could perhaps be your.....
Bashert
F: Shani!
S: Whoopsy, Knanine Hurah!
F: Thats more like it Shani.
S: So, nu, what did this shtark boy have to say?
F: Well, he first called me very sweet, and asked me for a date, in his car! He said there was nothing to be afraid of. Such a Yiras Shamayim!!
S: He is perfect!
F: Wait till you see his picture. here, isn't he cute?
S: Oy veh! (she turns away) he is not wearing a shirt! Where are his tztizis? And no kippah!
F: Hello! Earth to Shani â?" isn't it obvious?
S: No.
F: it is a picture from the mikvah!! He's obviously very frum.
S: Fraydie - you are so right - dan l'kaf zechus.
F: (typing) Dear Brian, I certainly think you are sweet too and I would love to take a ride with you in your fancy car
S: Maybe you should ask him how frum he is?
F: Oh, You are right Shani (typing). Also do you want your wife to wear pants? Cause I do not wear pants. Let me know. Toodles. Fraydie


Back to Guys Side
B: Dude -
J: Yeah dude
B: Fraydie wrote back. I am the luckiest man alive!
J: Why Dude?
B: Read this, she doesn't wear pants! Dude
J: Huh?
B: Nothing Dude! She's a free spirit. Probably walks around without pants everywhere!
J: You are the Luckiest dude alive
B: (typing) Dear Fraydie, I'd like to meet you...As Soon As Humanly Possible. I've always dreamed of meeting a girl who doesn't wear pants. I give you credit â?" that's very bold of you. What other items of clothing do you not wear? Do you get cold? Where does someone like you like to go on dates? -Brian
F: Dear Brian. I will never wear a short skirt, and I can't stand tank tops or anything that is too tight. In my opinion, it is all disgusting. Where should we go? I feel a hotel lobby is always quickest and easiest -Fraydie
B: DUDE!
J: DUDE!
B: She wants me to take her straight to a hotel!
J DUDE!
B: This Internet dating website is amazing!
J: Ask her if she has a favorite hotel, you know.
B: ok: (types) Which Hotel?-----
F: My Rebbi and my father always tell me to go to the Marriot. It's the most public of the hotels, that way people can see us, watch us. And we'll have no problem of it being just us, you know, and no problem of yichud.
B: DUDE
J: DUDE
B: This is getting weird. Her dad and Rabbi told her what hotel to use! And she's not interested in it just being alone - this girl maybe too much for me to handle! And she mentioned someone named Yichud? Who is that?
J: Dude, I have no idea, but I like what I'm hearing...
B: Dude, maybe she doesn't wear pants either!
J: DUDE!
B: (typing) Dear Fraydie - the Marriot sounds good to me - and as far as I'm concerned, I like the sound of Yichud already! I'll make sure to bring my friend along. - Brian
F: Dear Brian, this is really sounding great. It's nice to know you are so frum that you would like to bring a friend along to not have a problem with yichud. You are very sweet and very frum, and I feel we already are connecting in ways I can only dream about. Let's go out tonight if possible. The more I think about it the more I feel - this really could be Bashert!!!
B: Dear Fraydie, I'm totally excited for this! In fact, a dude like myself has spent years dreaming of a night like this. Who knew Internet Dating could be so amazing. Send me your address asap and I'll be at your place with my friend Jared tonite at 8pm. So, no problem with Yichud. We'll head straight to the Marriot. My treat. No pants would be fantastic. This is really gonna be amazing. I can really feel it.
Oh, and one last thing .......
....... Who is Bashert, and does she need a date too?

Dating Insurance ?

Anyone got any ideas for dating insurance?

Actually as horrible as the dating scene is, the marriage scene is where one should rather seek insurance.

So what is marriage insurance? Any ideas?

Staying single happily ever after?

Why does it seem that people think that the reason to marry is once you are married, "you live happily ever after"? Moreover, since, nowadays, they cannot see that happening; they are not interested and would rather stay “single happily ever after”?

It seems the commercial world, and/or parents protecting their children from society, have produced a real fantasy world. High and unreal expectations are a minimum and a must.

Everyone is "complaining"!! You read it in the Jewish newspapers, magazines, blogs and, you name it.

The fault and blame are being thrown on the system, the parents, the shadchunim, and even on the boys and girls themselves.

Some are saying the boys are on drugs, the girls are anorexic or fat, and therefore there is fear on both sides of the aisle. Other reasons include, the boys and girls are either too frum or the opposite. There are endless reasons.

What about the good old reason of bringing up a Jewish generation and being good fathers and mothers?

We have come to believe that we can now have both worlds. Personally, I think one can have that if they realize the true earthly world and they have no expectations. However, if we take this world and paint it truly false, of course, the divorce rate will keep going up.

So who is really losing?

To be six again

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

"I'd like to be six again." She replied, still looking in the mirror..

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park.

What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was to ride, she rode.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.
Her head was reeling and her stomach was turned upside-down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie where she sipped a soda pop and munched happily on popcorn and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again??"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed, as she said, "I meant my dress size, you dumb-***!"

The moral of the story:

Even when a man is listening, he is probably going to get it wrong.