by Rabbi Joshua Ritchie, M.D. Dean, Refuah Institute
Searching for a marriage partner often is a daunting process, full of difficult and painful experiences.
Many singles create shopping lists with all the qualities they believe their true Soulmates must have. They make their candidates jump through hoops as they search for the one that will make them happy. This screening does not guarantee a good marriage. All these check lists only make finding a mate harder, for who can possibly meet all the criteria? And when a candidate is found lacking, according to the list, a real Soulmate can be turned away.
What ensures a good, happy marriage? Experience and research reveals that the most important elements in a successful marriage are good midot (quality of character and behavior) and communication skills. My booklet, "13 STEPS TO HARMONIOUS RELATIONSHIPS", enumerates these essential qualities. This succinct list describes the skills that are so vital to nurture in oneself and to recognize in others.
You can find your Soulmate and live happily ever after with these 13 Steps:
13 Steps to Harmonious Relationships
Step 1. Be Understanding
Understand with empathy. Listen attentively, with compassion. Ask clarifying and open-ended questions to fully understand and to show your interest. Communicate your understanding with "active listening" and by responding in a non-critical and non-defensive way.
Step 2. Be Respectful
Honor each person by showing positive regard and respect. Relate to the essential goodness of each person, even when it is hidden. Recognize their great potential. Show them that you know how precious and valuable they are by expressing respect and appreciation.
Step 3. Be Sincere
Be genuine. Be really present with authentic and sincere interest. Share your best self, your highest feelings, your soulful connection, your caring and desire to help.
Step 4. Be Exemplary
Teach by example. Be a living example of what you want to teach. Inspire others with your positive attitude, joyful feelings and actions. Be a good role model.
Step 5. Be Clear
Communicate well. Speak their language, verbal and non-verbal, to build rapport, comfort and trust. For good communication, speak in ways that allows them to understand you, and in ways, such as by accurately summarizing and reflecting what they have said, so that they feel heard and understood.
Step 6. Be Encouraging
Praise other people's positive attributes and express admiration and appreciation for their talents, qualities, accomplishments, values and courage. Validate their feelings and normalize their reactions. Acknowledge and endorse their positive aspirations such as their desire to learn and grow.
Step 7. Be Supportive
Support and assist sensitively and compassionately with information, referrals, contacts, endorsements, backing, coaching, mentoring, teaching and training.
Step 8. Be Empowering
Empower others by supporting them in making their own decisions. Gently offer guidance in clarifying goals, considering consequences and choosing accomplishable steps. Their successes will increase their self-respect, confidence, sense of responsibility and empowerment.
Step 9. Be Prayerful & Optimistic
Optimistically trust in the essential goodness and growth of others .Visualize a harmonious relationship, seeing the other blessed in light and love, protected and growing. Prayers, blessings, affirmations and visualizations are powerful forces, benefiting everyone!
Step 10. Be Grateful & Gracious
Express your gratitude. Show your appreciation. Be specific with your thanks and gratitude in a timely fashion. Be grateful and acknowledge what others mean to you. Showing gratitude works wonders. Be gracious and find grace in the eyes of the Creator and of Mankind.
Step 11. Be Kind & Caring
Being kind and caring is our true calling, our soul's divine nature. The benevolent giving of ourselves, with kind gestures, caring attitudes, and actions, is a blessing and healing for those we give to, and are a blessing and healing for ourselves.
Step 12. Be A Good Friend
A good friend allows us to give, as well as to receive and feel appreciated. Even when friends are not equally capable, each has something to give the other. Creating opportunities for the other to give and gratefully receiving their gifts are the acts of a good friend.
Step 13. Be Loving
To love is to give, unselfishly, "l'shmah". It is noteworthy and not a coincidence that 13 is the Gematria of both Love and Oneness! God created us with love and He instructed us to love Him and His creation. Love is our soul's calling. Our destiny is to be loving, emulating the qualities of God. Love is nurturing & healing, stimulating emotional, spiritual physical growth & development.
Following the path of these 13 Steps in your search for your soul mate, you can expect to find, recognize and attract your Soulmate walking on the very same path
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