Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Monday, April 07, 2008
How did the human race appear?
A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?'
The mother answered, 'G-d made Adam and Chava (Eve) and they had children and so was all mankind made.'
Later, the girl asked her father the same question.
The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her mother and said,
'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by G-d, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'
The mother answered,
'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.'
The mother answered, 'G-d made Adam and Chava (Eve) and they had children and so was all mankind made.'
Later, the girl asked her father the same question.
The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her mother and said,
'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by G-d, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'
The mother answered,
'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.'
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Senior Romance
This is the story of two elderly people living in a mobile home park in Florida.
He was a widower and she a widow.
They had known each other for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper at the Club House. The widower and the widow made a foursome with two other singles.
They had a wonderful evening and spirits were high.
The widower sent a few admiring glances across the table and the widow smiled coyly back at him.
Finally he plucked up his courage to ask her,
"Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered,
"Yes, Yes I Will."
The meal ended with a few more pleasant exchanges and they went to their respective homes.
The next morning the widower was troubled.
Did she say Yes or did she say No?
He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall.
He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank.
He remembered asking the question, but for the life of him could not recall her response.
With fear and trepidation, he picked up the phone and called her.
First he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to.
Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.
As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her:
"When I asked if you would marry me, did you say Yes or did you say No?"
"Why you silly man, I said Yes Yes I will. And I meant it with all my heart."
The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.
Then she continued.......................
"And I am so glad you called, because I couldn't remember who asked me."
He was a widower and she a widow.
They had known each other for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper at the Club House. The widower and the widow made a foursome with two other singles.
They had a wonderful evening and spirits were high.
The widower sent a few admiring glances across the table and the widow smiled coyly back at him.
Finally he plucked up his courage to ask her,
"Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered,
"Yes, Yes I Will."
The meal ended with a few more pleasant exchanges and they went to their respective homes.
The next morning the widower was troubled.
Did she say Yes or did she say No?
He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall.
He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank.
He remembered asking the question, but for the life of him could not recall her response.
With fear and trepidation, he picked up the phone and called her.
First he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to.
Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.
As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her:
"When I asked if you would marry me, did you say Yes or did you say No?"
"Why you silly man, I said Yes Yes I will. And I meant it with all my heart."
The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.
Then she continued.......................
"And I am so glad you called, because I couldn't remember who asked me."
Sunday, March 30, 2008
obnoxious ?
After waiting more than an hour and a halffor her date, the young lady decided she had been stood up.
Exasperated, she changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and resigned herself to an evening of TV.
No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV than her door bell rang. There stood her date.
He took one look at her and gasped, "I'm two hours late - and you're still not ready?"
Exasperated, she changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and resigned herself to an evening of TV.
No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV than her door bell rang. There stood her date.
He took one look at her and gasped, "I'm two hours late - and you're still not ready?"
Friday, March 28, 2008
Confessions from the professional shadchan:
Confessions from the professional Shadchan:
I am a great shadchan! Who knows how to date successfully better than me? Nobody! There are a couple secrets that I will reveal here to guarantee your success. Follow them to a tee and I guarantee results. If I reveal my name singles from all over will know how on target I can be, and I simply would never be able to handle the influx of singles who would contact me for shidduchim. So for the greater good of everyone dating out there I will give off these pearls of dating wisdom for free, anonymously.
We all know there are people out there who do not understand the implications of family values that are reflected by simple daily actions. Do not worry about the big things like how anyone plans to support a family; we all know Hashem will take care of those things. It is the small things that really tell you about someone. For example, a family's health is easily discernable by the dress size of the mother. It is these small yet usually overlooked details that are obviously just the tip of the iceberg when trying to understand what type of family you are investigating. I know these things as a professional shadchan who has set up hundreds of singles. If only these single people listened to each of my rules, they would all be married by now. Since they do not listen, they are still single. I want to help you find the perfect person to marry. The small details are what will set you apart from those in the "Shidduch crisis".
Lets start with preparations for the date.
In the course of your life you will probably have numerous jobs but only one spouse. When you go on a job interview, you wear a suit. A date is not just an interview, it is more important than that, and you should show your date you are serious about dating by wearing the nicest clothes you own.
Men - The Shadchan should tell you when to pick up the girl. Most shadchanim are excited about setting up a couple so they will tell you a time too early. Whatever time the shadchan tells you to pick up the girl, show up twenty minutes later and claim you were so engrossed in learning you lost track of time. Girls love that!
Women - After reading this, you know the boy will be showing up late for his first date. Just as he tries to impress you by being late, you do the same thing to him. Guys love a challenge. When the boy comes to the door, do NOT open it! Let your mom (also who must be dressed appropriately for a date) open the door to show she takes care of the family. Then your date should be led to your father who should sit and talk to the boy for at least ten minutes before you come down. This builds up the boys' anticipation. By the time you make your appearance the boy will see you and simply fall in love when all his expectations were met. You are dressed in your best Shabbos clothes, so bring a long coat. Never mind the weather, bring the coat: You will see why later.
Transportation:
Men - NEVER open a car door for a girl. If you do, she may think you are doing so simply to catch a glimpse of her legs as she maneuvers into the front seat. Show her you are better than that!
Women - NEVER wear the seatbelt. I heard of stories where the boys would stop short simply to force the girl into the seatbelt to reveal her figure. If you do not wear the seatbelt, the boy will be forced to drive safely. If the boy asks you to put one on, he is obviously perverted on some level.
Where to go on a date:
I heard there is this whacko who takes his dates to places that are fun. He obviously goes to places that are fun to mask his insecurity, and is not ready to date for real. Prove to the girl that you are so secure with your own personality that you go where everyone else goes! Obviously the best place is a nice hotel lobby.
Men - Never offer to sit at a small table if the chairs are positioned across from each other. This may lead to your feet accidentally touching the girls feet under the table. Offer to sit on a couch. If you are right handed, you must sit on her right side. This way your uncomfortable left hand will never accidentally do anything to brush against her. If there is any possibility of this happening, you are sitting WAY to close on the couch which will make her uncomfortable. Shimmy away into the corner of the couch. If she shimmies to the other corner, you know things are progressing properly.
Women- It really doesn't matter what side of the couch you sit on. Unlike most men, you can control what you do with your hands. Do not lean to far back into the couch as the boy will think you are showing off your figure. Do not slouch to far forward as the boy will think you are trying to show off your behind. Sit as straight as possible with your hands resting on your lap. Your long coat will be draped over your lap to shade your feet from his peripheral vision.
Walking:
Let's say it is a pleasant night and you want to go for a walk. Even something as simple as a walk can seal or wreck a relationship. Know the rules and your next walk will be down the aisle.
Men- Show the girl early that you are in control and always walk one step ahead of her. Women like men of power and on the first date you can show her who is boss! She will respect you.
Women - In today's modern world, men think they rule everything, but we know who the boss really is. As the boy is walking, let him stay one step ahead of you. But, you can really show him who's boss by walking one step slower than him. This will force him to walk slower. You will be secretly controlling him and he will think he is being nice by not saying anything. The slower you walk, the more powerful he thinks he is, and the more powerful you really are! You will both impress each other.
Dropping off your date:
Ending the date the right way will provide either a second date or an opportunity for a better shidduch date next time. Men: A) No matter what - tell the girl you had a great time and you can't wait to talk again soon. This way, no matter what, you will make the girl feel happy as you part ways.
B) There is never a reason to walk a girl to her door. That is goyish and only belongs in the movies.
Women: A) No matter what - Agree with the guy no matter what he says. You can always claim to the shadchan you, or he, said something else. This way, no matter what, as the boy leaves, you will make him feel happy as you part ways.
B) In our circles, boys do not walk girls to the door, so no matter how hot it may be outside, make sure you are wearing that long Shabbos coat. This way, when you walk away from the car, the boy who may want to look at your figure will see nothing but how modest you are in your dress. The boy may show how modest he is by driving away as soon as you exit his car. This shows you that he is modest enough not to look at you. Either way- it's the best way a date can end if you both know the proper behavior.
We are all brought up in separate schools, we go to separate camps, we should not talk to each other after Shul, we do not even sit with each other at weddings. In our world, we do not mix. We have no reason to rely on the etiquette used by those lesser people who meet under so called "normal" circumstances. As long as everyone would follow the same rules as mentioned above, there would be no shidduch "crisis" at all.
It is the troublemakers who think for themselves and think there is a better way who ruin it for all of us.
You may want to do things a little different to show that you are "special". That is fine, but if you take that risk, my guarantee for success will no longer be in effect. You can do what you want, but trust me on the long Shabbos coat.
Good Luck.
Shadchan A.
I am a great shadchan! Who knows how to date successfully better than me? Nobody! There are a couple secrets that I will reveal here to guarantee your success. Follow them to a tee and I guarantee results. If I reveal my name singles from all over will know how on target I can be, and I simply would never be able to handle the influx of singles who would contact me for shidduchim. So for the greater good of everyone dating out there I will give off these pearls of dating wisdom for free, anonymously.
We all know there are people out there who do not understand the implications of family values that are reflected by simple daily actions. Do not worry about the big things like how anyone plans to support a family; we all know Hashem will take care of those things. It is the small things that really tell you about someone. For example, a family's health is easily discernable by the dress size of the mother. It is these small yet usually overlooked details that are obviously just the tip of the iceberg when trying to understand what type of family you are investigating. I know these things as a professional shadchan who has set up hundreds of singles. If only these single people listened to each of my rules, they would all be married by now. Since they do not listen, they are still single. I want to help you find the perfect person to marry. The small details are what will set you apart from those in the "Shidduch crisis".
Lets start with preparations for the date.
In the course of your life you will probably have numerous jobs but only one spouse. When you go on a job interview, you wear a suit. A date is not just an interview, it is more important than that, and you should show your date you are serious about dating by wearing the nicest clothes you own.
Men - The Shadchan should tell you when to pick up the girl. Most shadchanim are excited about setting up a couple so they will tell you a time too early. Whatever time the shadchan tells you to pick up the girl, show up twenty minutes later and claim you were so engrossed in learning you lost track of time. Girls love that!
Women - After reading this, you know the boy will be showing up late for his first date. Just as he tries to impress you by being late, you do the same thing to him. Guys love a challenge. When the boy comes to the door, do NOT open it! Let your mom (also who must be dressed appropriately for a date) open the door to show she takes care of the family. Then your date should be led to your father who should sit and talk to the boy for at least ten minutes before you come down. This builds up the boys' anticipation. By the time you make your appearance the boy will see you and simply fall in love when all his expectations were met. You are dressed in your best Shabbos clothes, so bring a long coat. Never mind the weather, bring the coat: You will see why later.
Transportation:
Men - NEVER open a car door for a girl. If you do, she may think you are doing so simply to catch a glimpse of her legs as she maneuvers into the front seat. Show her you are better than that!
Women - NEVER wear the seatbelt. I heard of stories where the boys would stop short simply to force the girl into the seatbelt to reveal her figure. If you do not wear the seatbelt, the boy will be forced to drive safely. If the boy asks you to put one on, he is obviously perverted on some level.
Where to go on a date:
I heard there is this whacko who takes his dates to places that are fun. He obviously goes to places that are fun to mask his insecurity, and is not ready to date for real. Prove to the girl that you are so secure with your own personality that you go where everyone else goes! Obviously the best place is a nice hotel lobby.
Men - Never offer to sit at a small table if the chairs are positioned across from each other. This may lead to your feet accidentally touching the girls feet under the table. Offer to sit on a couch. If you are right handed, you must sit on her right side. This way your uncomfortable left hand will never accidentally do anything to brush against her. If there is any possibility of this happening, you are sitting WAY to close on the couch which will make her uncomfortable. Shimmy away into the corner of the couch. If she shimmies to the other corner, you know things are progressing properly.
Women- It really doesn't matter what side of the couch you sit on. Unlike most men, you can control what you do with your hands. Do not lean to far back into the couch as the boy will think you are showing off your figure. Do not slouch to far forward as the boy will think you are trying to show off your behind. Sit as straight as possible with your hands resting on your lap. Your long coat will be draped over your lap to shade your feet from his peripheral vision.
Walking:
Let's say it is a pleasant night and you want to go for a walk. Even something as simple as a walk can seal or wreck a relationship. Know the rules and your next walk will be down the aisle.
Men- Show the girl early that you are in control and always walk one step ahead of her. Women like men of power and on the first date you can show her who is boss! She will respect you.
Women - In today's modern world, men think they rule everything, but we know who the boss really is. As the boy is walking, let him stay one step ahead of you. But, you can really show him who's boss by walking one step slower than him. This will force him to walk slower. You will be secretly controlling him and he will think he is being nice by not saying anything. The slower you walk, the more powerful he thinks he is, and the more powerful you really are! You will both impress each other.
Dropping off your date:
Ending the date the right way will provide either a second date or an opportunity for a better shidduch date next time. Men: A) No matter what - tell the girl you had a great time and you can't wait to talk again soon. This way, no matter what, you will make the girl feel happy as you part ways.
B) There is never a reason to walk a girl to her door. That is goyish and only belongs in the movies.
Women: A) No matter what - Agree with the guy no matter what he says. You can always claim to the shadchan you, or he, said something else. This way, no matter what, as the boy leaves, you will make him feel happy as you part ways.
B) In our circles, boys do not walk girls to the door, so no matter how hot it may be outside, make sure you are wearing that long Shabbos coat. This way, when you walk away from the car, the boy who may want to look at your figure will see nothing but how modest you are in your dress. The boy may show how modest he is by driving away as soon as you exit his car. This shows you that he is modest enough not to look at you. Either way- it's the best way a date can end if you both know the proper behavior.
We are all brought up in separate schools, we go to separate camps, we should not talk to each other after Shul, we do not even sit with each other at weddings. In our world, we do not mix. We have no reason to rely on the etiquette used by those lesser people who meet under so called "normal" circumstances. As long as everyone would follow the same rules as mentioned above, there would be no shidduch "crisis" at all.
It is the troublemakers who think for themselves and think there is a better way who ruin it for all of us.
You may want to do things a little different to show that you are "special". That is fine, but if you take that risk, my guarantee for success will no longer be in effect. You can do what you want, but trust me on the long Shabbos coat.
Good Luck.
Shadchan A.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
5 Lessons for Dating for Marriage
Women share their advice gleaned from years of challenging dating.
Talia* had been dating since she was 20 years old and finally found her husband at 45; Ricki found her husband after a broken engagement, a huge change in lifestyle and approach to dating, and many plane rides at the age of 37; Sarah didn't know how she'd find her husband, coming from a traditional background while working toward a career as a doctor. During a frank, open discussion, these women offered practical advice from their years of challenging dating. Here are their top five lessons.
1. Be Self-Centered!
Being single is a great opportunity to improve one's self as an individual. Rather than being detrimentally self-centered, work on being the best YOU you can possibly be. Sarah admits how much she had to grow over her eight years of dating for marriage in order to maturely choose her husband. "I realized that life is all about improving yourself. The more you work on yourself, the better your destined match will be."
In a similar vein, Ricki jokes, "The attitude is not like: 'Hey, where is my husband? Give him to me.' Life is true work -- nothing is guaranteed."
Marriage is seen by many as a bond that secures one's place in society, but as a single don't forget your importance as an individual in society. During her 25 years of dating Talia did not allow herself to get depressed. Instead she occupied herself with giving to her family and community while working on her career as a therapist. "Believe you are an important part of society. Believe that being single is not your fault, that you really do want to get married, and you deserve to get married." Feel positively about yourself, your contributions to society, and your worthiness of marriage. Positivity always enjoys company!
And be sure to take care of yourself. "Put a smile on your face and wear nice clothing," Ricki says. "Many different people are watching you and may have ideas of suitable guys."
2. See Past the Head-Over-Heels Love-At-First-Sight Fantasy
"Many times girls are stuck in the mentality that they should feel butterflies when they meet the right person, but it's not like that," Ricki explains. "You can first just like someone and then get to know their personality, and that's when real feelings are in the making."
Rather than focusing mainly on the attraction factor, take time to get to know the person's inner personality. "We have very preconceived notions when we are dating," Talia says. "If older singles didn't put so much emphasis on things they think are important it would be easier for them. Like whether he is taller, shorter, heavier, thinner, good-looking, less good-looking. All those things are so not important."
"You could marry almost anyone as long as your goals are the same and you have open communication about where you are heading in life."
Readiness for marriage and a conscious commitment to making it work are crucial. Talia continues, "You could marry almost anyone as long as your goals are the same and you have open communication about where you are heading in life."
"Be open and don't have a massive list of criteria," Ricki says. She ended up marrying a man of a different nationality and moved to his hometown, though these options did not match her preferences at all. "When you think of most girls, they don't marry men who fit their original list of criteria because ultimately there is a higher plan and it doesn't include things like 'he should be this tall or have this degree or own this or that.'"
A final practical tip: "You should always go on a second date unless you absolutely have no physical attraction with that person."
3. Get Help (from the right sources)
The world of dating is not always a friendly one -- from singles get-togethers to matchmakers to friends just trying to help out -- and proper guidance is a must in such an important undertaking as finding one's partner in life.
Talia, for instance, warns against speaking with other singles and encourages having an objective third party act as a coach and go-between. "A lot of older singles become very negative and down and it comes across when you ask information about a guy. It's very beneficial to have a mentor who can guide you in the dating, someone you can talk and meet with who can give guidance on how to move the relationship along."
"The most success I had was with my friends who cared about me and were trying to look out for me," Sarah says. "They knew I needed someone learning and very intelligent."
4. Extend Yourself
Keep your eyes and ears open. Even if a date doesn't work out in the way you hoped, it may be a way to do an amazing act of kindness for a friend.
"Dating is such a great opportunity to also think of other women who may be suitable for the guy that wasn't right for you," Ricki says. "Be very grateful that you had the pleasure of going out on a date and then think who you know that could be suitable for this person. Extend a kindness to someone else." When we are kind to others, that kindness often comes back to us, and even greater.
5. Don't Give Up and Don't Stop Praying
With 25 years of dating experience one can only imagine the great storehouses of faith Talia had to rely on. "Deep faith can get you through anything," she says. "You have to really believe to the core of your being."
In addition to this, work on staying happy and thankful for the many positive things that fill your life. "Even when it is really difficult for us we must realize that this is our test," Ricki says. "For those girls who get married quickly, that is not their test."
In whatever language you know best, talk to the Almighty and affirm your belief that He can help you.
To sign up for the Inspire Kallah E-newsletter: http://inspirekallah.blogspot.com
*All names changed
Published: Saturday, March 22, 2008
Talia* had been dating since she was 20 years old and finally found her husband at 45; Ricki found her husband after a broken engagement, a huge change in lifestyle and approach to dating, and many plane rides at the age of 37; Sarah didn't know how she'd find her husband, coming from a traditional background while working toward a career as a doctor. During a frank, open discussion, these women offered practical advice from their years of challenging dating. Here are their top five lessons.
1. Be Self-Centered!
Being single is a great opportunity to improve one's self as an individual. Rather than being detrimentally self-centered, work on being the best YOU you can possibly be. Sarah admits how much she had to grow over her eight years of dating for marriage in order to maturely choose her husband. "I realized that life is all about improving yourself. The more you work on yourself, the better your destined match will be."
In a similar vein, Ricki jokes, "The attitude is not like: 'Hey, where is my husband? Give him to me.' Life is true work -- nothing is guaranteed."
Marriage is seen by many as a bond that secures one's place in society, but as a single don't forget your importance as an individual in society. During her 25 years of dating Talia did not allow herself to get depressed. Instead she occupied herself with giving to her family and community while working on her career as a therapist. "Believe you are an important part of society. Believe that being single is not your fault, that you really do want to get married, and you deserve to get married." Feel positively about yourself, your contributions to society, and your worthiness of marriage. Positivity always enjoys company!
And be sure to take care of yourself. "Put a smile on your face and wear nice clothing," Ricki says. "Many different people are watching you and may have ideas of suitable guys."
2. See Past the Head-Over-Heels Love-At-First-Sight Fantasy
"Many times girls are stuck in the mentality that they should feel butterflies when they meet the right person, but it's not like that," Ricki explains. "You can first just like someone and then get to know their personality, and that's when real feelings are in the making."
Rather than focusing mainly on the attraction factor, take time to get to know the person's inner personality. "We have very preconceived notions when we are dating," Talia says. "If older singles didn't put so much emphasis on things they think are important it would be easier for them. Like whether he is taller, shorter, heavier, thinner, good-looking, less good-looking. All those things are so not important."
"You could marry almost anyone as long as your goals are the same and you have open communication about where you are heading in life."
Readiness for marriage and a conscious commitment to making it work are crucial. Talia continues, "You could marry almost anyone as long as your goals are the same and you have open communication about where you are heading in life."
"Be open and don't have a massive list of criteria," Ricki says. She ended up marrying a man of a different nationality and moved to his hometown, though these options did not match her preferences at all. "When you think of most girls, they don't marry men who fit their original list of criteria because ultimately there is a higher plan and it doesn't include things like 'he should be this tall or have this degree or own this or that.'"
A final practical tip: "You should always go on a second date unless you absolutely have no physical attraction with that person."
3. Get Help (from the right sources)
The world of dating is not always a friendly one -- from singles get-togethers to matchmakers to friends just trying to help out -- and proper guidance is a must in such an important undertaking as finding one's partner in life.
Talia, for instance, warns against speaking with other singles and encourages having an objective third party act as a coach and go-between. "A lot of older singles become very negative and down and it comes across when you ask information about a guy. It's very beneficial to have a mentor who can guide you in the dating, someone you can talk and meet with who can give guidance on how to move the relationship along."
"The most success I had was with my friends who cared about me and were trying to look out for me," Sarah says. "They knew I needed someone learning and very intelligent."
4. Extend Yourself
Keep your eyes and ears open. Even if a date doesn't work out in the way you hoped, it may be a way to do an amazing act of kindness for a friend.
"Dating is such a great opportunity to also think of other women who may be suitable for the guy that wasn't right for you," Ricki says. "Be very grateful that you had the pleasure of going out on a date and then think who you know that could be suitable for this person. Extend a kindness to someone else." When we are kind to others, that kindness often comes back to us, and even greater.
5. Don't Give Up and Don't Stop Praying
With 25 years of dating experience one can only imagine the great storehouses of faith Talia had to rely on. "Deep faith can get you through anything," she says. "You have to really believe to the core of your being."
In addition to this, work on staying happy and thankful for the many positive things that fill your life. "Even when it is really difficult for us we must realize that this is our test," Ricki says. "For those girls who get married quickly, that is not their test."
In whatever language you know best, talk to the Almighty and affirm your belief that He can help you.
To sign up for the Inspire Kallah E-newsletter: http://inspirekallah.blogspot.com
*All names changed
Published: Saturday, March 22, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Ditch your dating fears
Ditch your dating fears By Kimberly Dawn Neumann
Yes, dating can be scary! You’ve got such high hopes and you’re putting your heart on the line, so it makes sense you’d find yourself a little freaked. But don’t let your jitters ruin a rendezvous. Here’s how we can help make that happen: We decided to address some of the most common insecurities that people experience in those early dating days. Our simple tips help you turn your worry into a “Wow, that was fun!” feeling.
Dating Insecurity #1: “I’m not my date’s type.”
Stressed that Mr./Ms. Adorable won’t approve of your looks, outfit, career, personality, dating history, etc.? This line of thinking won’t do anything but make you a nervous wreck. A better bet? Flip it. “The purpose of a date is to decide whether you want another one, not whether the person likes you,” says Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., author of Secrets You Keep From Yourself: How to Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness. So just act as if your date is the one auditioning for approval—because it’s true. “This will allow you to relax so you can enjoy the moment,” says Dr. Neuharth.
Dating Insecurity #2: “I’m going to do something stupid.”
You worry that you’ll spill red wine in your date’s lap, choke on a nacho, slip on the sidewalk or have some other mortifying mishap… suddenly you’ll be every shade of red and your date will think you’re a dork, right? Think again. Even if something like this were to happen, here’s the upside: Showing your vulnerable side can actually endear you to your match. “Some happy couples’ fondest memories and oft-repeated stories are about early embarrassing moments, like snorting when laughing or dipping your sleeve in soy sauce,” says Dr. Neuharth. “When you see another person being embarrassed, it humanizes that person and you feel a natural kinship.” So if the unimaginable happens, laugh (instead of freaking out or apologizing over and over all night) and embrace that you’re now part of the “embarrassing dating moments” club.
Dating Insecurity #3: “What if I have to let this person down eventually?”
“Before a date, I always worry about how I’ll handle things if I don’t want to see the guy again and he’s into me,” says Christina Avion, 32, Los Angeles, CA. “I feel terrible about the prospect of having to reject someone and can work myself up into a real state over it.” Hey, it’s nice to be concerned about your date’s feelings, but a candlelit dinner doesn’t equal signing up for happily ever after. “As the saying goes, you can’t make a good omelet without breaking a few eggs,” says Dr. Neuharth. So quit over-thinking and deal with turning the person down when and if it’s actually necessary. Should that be the case, Dr. Neuharth suggests replying with “I don’t think we’re a match” or simply “No, thank you” when you’re asked for another date. And while it feels like you’re delivering some huge blow, try some perspective: “Letting someone down shows that you respect the person’s time, and most adults can take care of themselves,” says Dr. Neuharth.
Dating Insecurity #4: “I’ll accidentally offend my date.”
You roll your eyes at the mention of a pretentious film festival, only to realize your dinner partner was actually inviting you along. How do you recover? “If you offend someone, the magic words are simply ‘I’m sorry,’” says Dr. Neuharth. You can’t possibly know everything about your date, so you may unintentionally cross a no-no line. If you apologize sincerely but your date is still touchy, then you probably wouldn’t work out with that person long-term anyway. But if he or she appreciates your contrition, you can move on to more interesting (and neutral) subjects.
Dating Insecurity #5: “I’m so bad at small talk.”
Feeling conversationally challenged? Whether you tend to talk a mile-a-minute or go silent and slack-jawed, hiccups in first-date banter can be panic-inducing. “I went out with a guy who barely spoke, so I found myself spilling personal information about myself, my family and my job just because I couldn’t handle the silence,” admits Jennifer Byrne, 35, Minneapolis, MN. If you tend to blab when you’re nervous or to fill an awkward silence, remind yourself that it’s not your job to carry the conversation single-handedly. “Your date is capable of coming up with things to talk about, too,” says Dr. Neuharth. “Pause, listen or even break the ice by saying, ‘Don’t you hate awkward silences on dates?” A tactic that’s good for people who tend to clam up? Always have a couple of great conversation-starting questions in your back pocket, like “What’s the one weekend activity you never get tired of?” or “What adventures do you hope to have before the year is over?”
Dating Insecurity #6: “The ending of the date is always awkward.”
Stressing about the goodnight moment before you even order dessert: Kiss or no kiss? Shake hands? Go for a hug? Ask for another date? The best solution is to let your gut guide you. If you had a good time, say so with feeling. If you didn’t, just say “thank you.” And if you’re not sure whether to smooch, just smile broadly, squeeze your honey’s hand, and turn to depart. It gives your date the perfect opportunity to make a move without any weirdness if he or she doesn’t go for a kiss. “If you two clicked, there will be more dates and the endings will become easier and probably more delicious!” says Dr. Neuharth. Which is a nice thought that you can use to calm your nerves during a date.
Kimberly Dawn Neumann is a New York City-based writer whose work has appeared in publications including Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Women’s Health, and Fitness.
Yes, dating can be scary! You’ve got such high hopes and you’re putting your heart on the line, so it makes sense you’d find yourself a little freaked. But don’t let your jitters ruin a rendezvous. Here’s how we can help make that happen: We decided to address some of the most common insecurities that people experience in those early dating days. Our simple tips help you turn your worry into a “Wow, that was fun!” feeling.
Dating Insecurity #1: “I’m not my date’s type.”
Stressed that Mr./Ms. Adorable won’t approve of your looks, outfit, career, personality, dating history, etc.? This line of thinking won’t do anything but make you a nervous wreck. A better bet? Flip it. “The purpose of a date is to decide whether you want another one, not whether the person likes you,” says Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., author of Secrets You Keep From Yourself: How to Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness. So just act as if your date is the one auditioning for approval—because it’s true. “This will allow you to relax so you can enjoy the moment,” says Dr. Neuharth.
Dating Insecurity #2: “I’m going to do something stupid.”
You worry that you’ll spill red wine in your date’s lap, choke on a nacho, slip on the sidewalk or have some other mortifying mishap… suddenly you’ll be every shade of red and your date will think you’re a dork, right? Think again. Even if something like this were to happen, here’s the upside: Showing your vulnerable side can actually endear you to your match. “Some happy couples’ fondest memories and oft-repeated stories are about early embarrassing moments, like snorting when laughing or dipping your sleeve in soy sauce,” says Dr. Neuharth. “When you see another person being embarrassed, it humanizes that person and you feel a natural kinship.” So if the unimaginable happens, laugh (instead of freaking out or apologizing over and over all night) and embrace that you’re now part of the “embarrassing dating moments” club.
Dating Insecurity #3: “What if I have to let this person down eventually?”
“Before a date, I always worry about how I’ll handle things if I don’t want to see the guy again and he’s into me,” says Christina Avion, 32, Los Angeles, CA. “I feel terrible about the prospect of having to reject someone and can work myself up into a real state over it.” Hey, it’s nice to be concerned about your date’s feelings, but a candlelit dinner doesn’t equal signing up for happily ever after. “As the saying goes, you can’t make a good omelet without breaking a few eggs,” says Dr. Neuharth. So quit over-thinking and deal with turning the person down when and if it’s actually necessary. Should that be the case, Dr. Neuharth suggests replying with “I don’t think we’re a match” or simply “No, thank you” when you’re asked for another date. And while it feels like you’re delivering some huge blow, try some perspective: “Letting someone down shows that you respect the person’s time, and most adults can take care of themselves,” says Dr. Neuharth.
Dating Insecurity #4: “I’ll accidentally offend my date.”
You roll your eyes at the mention of a pretentious film festival, only to realize your dinner partner was actually inviting you along. How do you recover? “If you offend someone, the magic words are simply ‘I’m sorry,’” says Dr. Neuharth. You can’t possibly know everything about your date, so you may unintentionally cross a no-no line. If you apologize sincerely but your date is still touchy, then you probably wouldn’t work out with that person long-term anyway. But if he or she appreciates your contrition, you can move on to more interesting (and neutral) subjects.
Dating Insecurity #5: “I’m so bad at small talk.”
Feeling conversationally challenged? Whether you tend to talk a mile-a-minute or go silent and slack-jawed, hiccups in first-date banter can be panic-inducing. “I went out with a guy who barely spoke, so I found myself spilling personal information about myself, my family and my job just because I couldn’t handle the silence,” admits Jennifer Byrne, 35, Minneapolis, MN. If you tend to blab when you’re nervous or to fill an awkward silence, remind yourself that it’s not your job to carry the conversation single-handedly. “Your date is capable of coming up with things to talk about, too,” says Dr. Neuharth. “Pause, listen or even break the ice by saying, ‘Don’t you hate awkward silences on dates?” A tactic that’s good for people who tend to clam up? Always have a couple of great conversation-starting questions in your back pocket, like “What’s the one weekend activity you never get tired of?” or “What adventures do you hope to have before the year is over?”
Dating Insecurity #6: “The ending of the date is always awkward.”
Stressing about the goodnight moment before you even order dessert: Kiss or no kiss? Shake hands? Go for a hug? Ask for another date? The best solution is to let your gut guide you. If you had a good time, say so with feeling. If you didn’t, just say “thank you.” And if you’re not sure whether to smooch, just smile broadly, squeeze your honey’s hand, and turn to depart. It gives your date the perfect opportunity to make a move without any weirdness if he or she doesn’t go for a kiss. “If you two clicked, there will be more dates and the endings will become easier and probably more delicious!” says Dr. Neuharth. Which is a nice thought that you can use to calm your nerves during a date.
Kimberly Dawn Neumann is a New York City-based writer whose work has appeared in publications including Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Women’s Health, and Fitness.
Monday, March 17, 2008
The dumbest kid
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer,
"This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then
calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the
quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out
of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you
take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the
game's over!"
"This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then
calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the
quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out
of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you
take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the
game's over!"
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Wisdom of Socrates
In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.
One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, 'Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students...?'
'Wait a moment,' Socrates replied. 'Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three.'
'Test of Three?'
'That's correct,' Socrates continued.
'Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?'
'No,' the man replied, 'actually I just heard about it.'
'All right,' said Socrates. 'So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?'
'No, on the contrary...'
'So,' Socrates continued, 'you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?'
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
Socrates continued, 'You may still pass though because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness.
Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?'
'No, not really...'
'Well,' concluded Socrates, 'if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?'
The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more.
This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why Socrates never found out that Plato was banging his wife.
One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, 'Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students...?'
'Wait a moment,' Socrates replied. 'Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three.'
'Test of Three?'
'That's correct,' Socrates continued.
'Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?'
'No,' the man replied, 'actually I just heard about it.'
'All right,' said Socrates. 'So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?'
'No, on the contrary...'
'So,' Socrates continued, 'you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?'
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
Socrates continued, 'You may still pass though because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness.
Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?'
'No, not really...'
'Well,' concluded Socrates, 'if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?'
The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more.
This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why Socrates never found out that Plato was banging his wife.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Sunday, February 10, 2008
The New Rules Of Attraction
The New Rules Of Attraction By Nina Malkin
When it comes to finding love, there are certain truths that seem so irrefutable that any single person would be a fool to not follow them. Maybe you’re a firm believer that you can tell within seconds if you’re attracted to someone. Or, maybe you adhere to the idea that a first kiss says it all: If you feel fireworks, your date’s a keeper; if it bombs, cut your losses. While these romantic maxims have their fans, experts insist that these laws no longer hold true in today’s dating world. In short, many rules single people follow need a little revamping. To that end, we’ve consulted authorities in the field to bring you the most up-to-date tactics for finding someone you’ll click with.
Old rule: You can tell if you’re truly attracted to someone in three seconds
New rule: You can’t tell if you’re truly attracted to someone until you’ve had three dates
“Love at first sight” is a familiar romantic notion. And in our increasingly fast-paced world, it’s darn convenient to think you can tell if you click with someone that quickly. But experts recommend cultivating a bit more patience, sticking to a three-date minimum to know for sure whether you’re a match (or not). The reason: People are a bundle of nerves on date #1, begin to unwind on date #2, but only by date #3 can people truly relax and maybe build some rapport. And while sparks early on are nice and all, they say nothing about someone’s long-term potential. “An important part of a compatible relationship is assuring that each partner’s values coincide, and to learn that takes time, discussion, observation, and interpersonal interaction, not an initial impression based on superficial cues,” says James C. Piers, Ph.D., professor and program director of social work, at Hope College in Holland, MI. So, don’t write someone off — or fall head over heels — until you’ve done due diligence.
Old rule: Your mate must meet all the criteria on your “must list”
New rule: A “must list” looks great on paper, but paper won’t keep you warm at night
You can check off the attributes you want — appearance, background, education, career, salary — but unless you’re building your lover in a lab, you’re missing out. Of course, you should have standards and not settle for a two-pack-a-day smoker who doesn’t want kids when you’re allergic to smoke and eager to start a family. But settling for nothing less than perfection is unrealistic. “Must lists are a classic recipe for unsuccessful dating,” says Fleming. “They’re too limiting and don’t allow for chemistry, which is more intangible and valuable.” Try to be flexible, especially when it comes to physical or material attributes like someone’s height, salary, or hair color. After all, just because someone’s 6’2”, blonde, or makes six figures doesn’t mean he or she will make you happy, so do yourself a favor and treat your ideal-mate wish list as just one factor in deciding who’s right for you.
Old rule: Opposites attract
New rule: Opposites distract
Dating your diametric opposite might mean the surprise of someone really new and different, lots of challenging banter and scintillating make-up sex—but sustaining a partnership with your polar opposite may ultimately prove unfulfilling. “The classic couple with nothing in common except their on-fire fights plays well in the movies, but in real life that attraction fizzles quickly,” says Alyssa Wodtke, co-author of Truth, Lies, and Online Dating: Secrets to Finding Romance on the Internet. “If you don’t like to do the same things, there will be nothing for you to do outside of the bedroom. And if you don’t want the same things for the future, what kind of future can you have?” We’re not saying you should end up with your clone, but ideally it should be someone who complements your personality (see the next rule for more details).
Old rule: Your date’s record collection (or DVD library, or bookshelf) mirrors yours—so you must be soul mates
New rule: You want a person, not an iPod playlist
Sometimes you meet someone and have so much in common, you know it must be love: Each of you saw Phish perform at least a dozen times and know the works of David Sedaris inside out. But don’t confuse mirror-image taste with chemistry. In fact, it’s probably better if your interests don’t match up exactly. Not only does that leave room for you to expand your boundaries and dabble in something new that your partner digs, it also means you two will probably have little trouble maintaining some healthy independence. “Some of the best relationships are those where both parties have completely independent hobbies and allow for the concept of ‘his, her, and our’ time,” notes relationship coach Hu Fleming, Ph.D. So, take it as a good sign if you spend the occasional Saturday night apart—you doing dips at ballroom dancing class, your date doing the wave at an NBA game.
Old rule: Your first kiss should be a toe-curling experience
New rule: Your first kiss is inconsequential
In fairytales, an amazing first kiss leads to happily ever after—no wonder we place such importance on that primary pucker! But there are ample reasons why a first kiss from a potentially great partner can go awry (nervousness or a less-than-ideal setting) and just as many to explain why a first kiss from Mr./Ms. Wrong can feel so right (you’ve exceeded the two-drink minimum, perhaps). “ A kiss can be a romantic, erotic experience with someone you find physically attractive, but a relationship will crumble without more complex attributes like shared values,” points out Piers. So rather than write someone off following a less-than-mind-blowing kiss, smile and move in slowly for smooch number two, either at that moment or on a subsequent date. Trust us, you owe it to yourselves.
Old rule: When it’s true love, you think about this person constantly
New rule: When it’s true love, thinking about this person makes you feel good
Hmm, has Willie Nelson’s “You’re Always on My Mind” become the theme song for how you feel about your sweetie? That may not be for the best. “Constantly thinking about another person isn’t love, it’s infatuation, and infatuation has no correlation with being a good match,” says Fleming. Ultimately, it’s a better gauge to assess the quality of your thoughts rather than the quantity. “If you have warm and comfortable feelings when you think about your date, that indicates a relationship built on stability, trust, and a strong ‘friendship’ factor, denoting a relationship that will more likely wear well over time,” says Piers. If, on the other hand, your relationship keeps you up all night as you analyze this person’s emails for hidden messages that reveal his or her true feelings, you may be chasing down someone who doesn’t really want to be yours.
Nina Malkin is the author of 6X: The Uncensored Confessions.
When it comes to finding love, there are certain truths that seem so irrefutable that any single person would be a fool to not follow them. Maybe you’re a firm believer that you can tell within seconds if you’re attracted to someone. Or, maybe you adhere to the idea that a first kiss says it all: If you feel fireworks, your date’s a keeper; if it bombs, cut your losses. While these romantic maxims have their fans, experts insist that these laws no longer hold true in today’s dating world. In short, many rules single people follow need a little revamping. To that end, we’ve consulted authorities in the field to bring you the most up-to-date tactics for finding someone you’ll click with.
Old rule: You can tell if you’re truly attracted to someone in three seconds
New rule: You can’t tell if you’re truly attracted to someone until you’ve had three dates
“Love at first sight” is a familiar romantic notion. And in our increasingly fast-paced world, it’s darn convenient to think you can tell if you click with someone that quickly. But experts recommend cultivating a bit more patience, sticking to a three-date minimum to know for sure whether you’re a match (or not). The reason: People are a bundle of nerves on date #1, begin to unwind on date #2, but only by date #3 can people truly relax and maybe build some rapport. And while sparks early on are nice and all, they say nothing about someone’s long-term potential. “An important part of a compatible relationship is assuring that each partner’s values coincide, and to learn that takes time, discussion, observation, and interpersonal interaction, not an initial impression based on superficial cues,” says James C. Piers, Ph.D., professor and program director of social work, at Hope College in Holland, MI. So, don’t write someone off — or fall head over heels — until you’ve done due diligence.
Old rule: Your mate must meet all the criteria on your “must list”
New rule: A “must list” looks great on paper, but paper won’t keep you warm at night
You can check off the attributes you want — appearance, background, education, career, salary — but unless you’re building your lover in a lab, you’re missing out. Of course, you should have standards and not settle for a two-pack-a-day smoker who doesn’t want kids when you’re allergic to smoke and eager to start a family. But settling for nothing less than perfection is unrealistic. “Must lists are a classic recipe for unsuccessful dating,” says Fleming. “They’re too limiting and don’t allow for chemistry, which is more intangible and valuable.” Try to be flexible, especially when it comes to physical or material attributes like someone’s height, salary, or hair color. After all, just because someone’s 6’2”, blonde, or makes six figures doesn’t mean he or she will make you happy, so do yourself a favor and treat your ideal-mate wish list as just one factor in deciding who’s right for you.
Old rule: Opposites attract
New rule: Opposites distract
Dating your diametric opposite might mean the surprise of someone really new and different, lots of challenging banter and scintillating make-up sex—but sustaining a partnership with your polar opposite may ultimately prove unfulfilling. “The classic couple with nothing in common except their on-fire fights plays well in the movies, but in real life that attraction fizzles quickly,” says Alyssa Wodtke, co-author of Truth, Lies, and Online Dating: Secrets to Finding Romance on the Internet. “If you don’t like to do the same things, there will be nothing for you to do outside of the bedroom. And if you don’t want the same things for the future, what kind of future can you have?” We’re not saying you should end up with your clone, but ideally it should be someone who complements your personality (see the next rule for more details).
Old rule: Your date’s record collection (or DVD library, or bookshelf) mirrors yours—so you must be soul mates
New rule: You want a person, not an iPod playlist
Sometimes you meet someone and have so much in common, you know it must be love: Each of you saw Phish perform at least a dozen times and know the works of David Sedaris inside out. But don’t confuse mirror-image taste with chemistry. In fact, it’s probably better if your interests don’t match up exactly. Not only does that leave room for you to expand your boundaries and dabble in something new that your partner digs, it also means you two will probably have little trouble maintaining some healthy independence. “Some of the best relationships are those where both parties have completely independent hobbies and allow for the concept of ‘his, her, and our’ time,” notes relationship coach Hu Fleming, Ph.D. So, take it as a good sign if you spend the occasional Saturday night apart—you doing dips at ballroom dancing class, your date doing the wave at an NBA game.
Old rule: Your first kiss should be a toe-curling experience
New rule: Your first kiss is inconsequential
In fairytales, an amazing first kiss leads to happily ever after—no wonder we place such importance on that primary pucker! But there are ample reasons why a first kiss from a potentially great partner can go awry (nervousness or a less-than-ideal setting) and just as many to explain why a first kiss from Mr./Ms. Wrong can feel so right (you’ve exceeded the two-drink minimum, perhaps). “ A kiss can be a romantic, erotic experience with someone you find physically attractive, but a relationship will crumble without more complex attributes like shared values,” points out Piers. So rather than write someone off following a less-than-mind-blowing kiss, smile and move in slowly for smooch number two, either at that moment or on a subsequent date. Trust us, you owe it to yourselves.
Old rule: When it’s true love, you think about this person constantly
New rule: When it’s true love, thinking about this person makes you feel good
Hmm, has Willie Nelson’s “You’re Always on My Mind” become the theme song for how you feel about your sweetie? That may not be for the best. “Constantly thinking about another person isn’t love, it’s infatuation, and infatuation has no correlation with being a good match,” says Fleming. Ultimately, it’s a better gauge to assess the quality of your thoughts rather than the quantity. “If you have warm and comfortable feelings when you think about your date, that indicates a relationship built on stability, trust, and a strong ‘friendship’ factor, denoting a relationship that will more likely wear well over time,” says Piers. If, on the other hand, your relationship keeps you up all night as you analyze this person’s emails for hidden messages that reveal his or her true feelings, you may be chasing down someone who doesn’t really want to be yours.
Nina Malkin is the author of 6X: The Uncensored Confessions.
Friday, February 08, 2008
Stress
A group of graduates, well established in their careers, were talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints about stress in their work and lives.
Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups - porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the hot chocolate.
When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said:
'Notice that all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. The cup that you're drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup; but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's cups.
Now consider this: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life. The cup you have does not define, nor change the quality of life you have. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot chocolate God has provided us. God makes the hot chocolate, man chooses the cups.
The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything that they have.
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. And enjoy your hot chocolate.
Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups - porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the hot chocolate.
When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said:
'Notice that all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. The cup that you're drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup; but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's cups.
Now consider this: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life. The cup you have does not define, nor change the quality of life you have. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot chocolate God has provided us. God makes the hot chocolate, man chooses the cups.
The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything that they have.
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. And enjoy your hot chocolate.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
How well do you know your Airlines?
A guy is sitting in the bar in departures at a busy airport. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.
He decides because she's that pretty, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant.
So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the Delta Airlines motto "We love to fly and it shows".
The woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto "Winning the hearts of the world".
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto "Going beyond expectations".
The woman looks at him and says "What the f ## k do you want?"
"Ah!" he says, sitting back with a smile on his face. "EL-Al".
He decides because she's that pretty, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant.
So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the Delta Airlines motto "We love to fly and it shows".
The woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto "Winning the hearts of the world".
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto "Going beyond expectations".
The woman looks at him and says "What the f ## k do you want?"
"Ah!" he says, sitting back with a smile on his face. "EL-Al".
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
Why my marriage lasted so long…according to Red Skelton
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere.....
but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" ..
So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" .... The driver said "No, jump in!"
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?"
I said "Dust!"
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it.........this is the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word........ just clean and simple fun.
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere.....
but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" ..
So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" .... The driver said "No, jump in!"
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?"
I said "Dust!"
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it.........this is the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word........ just clean and simple fun.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Men are like ..... ?
For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
Men are like.
1. Men are like .. Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like. Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like, Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like . Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like . Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like . Commercials ... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores . Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like ..... . Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .... . Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like, Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like, Snowstorms ... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like , Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like, Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
Men are like.
1. Men are like .. Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like. Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like, Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like . Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like . Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like . Commercials ... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores . Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like ..... . Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .... . Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like, Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like, Snowstorms ... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like , Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like, Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Wise Old People
Wise Old People
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him.
The teenager would look and find him staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one. In classic style he did not bat an eye in his response. "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him.
The teenager would look and find him staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one. In classic style he did not bat an eye in his response. "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Social Semantics Updated............:-)
Refresher for many of you..
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
* 40-ish..................................49.
* Adventurous..........................Slept with everyone.
* Athletic...............................No breasts.
* Average looking.....................Moooo.
* Beautiful..............................Pathological liar.
* Emotionally Secure..................On medication.
* Feminist...............................Fat.
* Free Spirit.............................Junkie.
* Friendship first.......................Former Slut.
* New-Age...............................Body hair in the wrong places.
* Old-fashioned................. ......No B.J.'s
* Open-minded.........................Desperate.
* Outgoing..............................Loud and embarrassing.
* Professional...........................Bitch.
* Voluptuous...........................Very fat.
* Large frame...........................Hugely fat.
* Wants soul mate.....................Stalker.
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
* Yes.....................................No
* No......................................Yes
* Maybe.................................No
* We need...............................I want
* I am sorry.............................You'll be sorry
* We need to talk......................You're in trouble
* Sure, go ahead........................You better not
* Do what you want...................You will pay for this later
* I am not upset........................Of course, I am upset, you moron!
* You're attentive tonight............Is sex all you ever think about?
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:
> > > * I am hungry...........................I am hungry
> > > * I am sleepy............................I am sleepy
> > > * I am tired..............................I am tired
> > > * Nice dress..............................Nice cleavage!
> > > * I love you..............................Let's have sex now
> > > * I am bored.............................Do you want to have sex?
> > > * May I have this dance?................I'd like to have sex with you.
> > > * Can I call you sometime?..............I'd like to have sex with you.
> > > * Do you want to go to a movie?......I'd like to have sex with you.
> > > * Can I take you out to dinner? ........I'd like to have sex with you.
> > > * I don't think those shoes go with that outfit..............I'm gay
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
* 40-ish..................................49.
* Adventurous..........................Slept with everyone.
* Athletic...............................No breasts.
* Average looking.....................Moooo.
* Beautiful..............................Pathological liar.
* Emotionally Secure..................On medication.
* Feminist...............................Fat.
* Free Spirit.............................Junkie.
* Friendship first.......................Former Slut.
* New-Age...............................Body hair in the wrong places.
* Old-fashioned................. ......No B.J.'s
* Open-minded.........................Desperate.
* Outgoing..............................Loud and embarrassing.
* Professional...........................Bitch.
* Voluptuous...........................Very fat.
* Large frame...........................Hugely fat.
* Wants soul mate.....................Stalker.
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
* Yes.....................................No
* No......................................Yes
* Maybe.................................No
* We need...............................I want
* I am sorry.............................You'll be sorry
* We need to talk......................You're in trouble
* Sure, go ahead........................You better not
* Do what you want...................You will pay for this later
* I am not upset........................Of course, I am upset, you moron!
* You're attentive tonight............Is sex all you ever think about?
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:
> > > * I am hungry...........................I am hungry
> > > * I am sleepy............................I am sleepy
> > > * I am tired..............................I am tired
> > > * Nice dress..............................Nice cleavage!
> > > * I love you..............................Let's have sex now
> > > * I am bored.............................Do you want to have sex?
> > > * May I have this dance?................I'd like to have sex with you.
> > > * Can I call you sometime?..............I'd like to have sex with you.
> > > * Do you want to go to a movie?......I'd like to have sex with you.
> > > * Can I take you out to dinner? ........I'd like to have sex with you.
> > > * I don't think those shoes go with that outfit..............I'm gay
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
D.A.T.E. ** Staying focused, by using a simple formula, may help us shorten our journey from dating to marriage.
Staying focused, by using a simple formula, may help us shorten our journey from dating to marriage. by Penina Jacobs
My concept of Jewish dating was somewhat skewed when I began seriously looking for my better half. Having never seen Fiddler on the Roof, I had no strains of "Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match. . ." wafting through my subconscious. I didn't think that a third party, let alone God, would have much to do with my success. It was all on me.
Dating meant going to a Jewish singles event at a synagogue or local venue and making small talk with someone of the opposite gender, which seemed more like a chore than a social life.
As a 20-something single living in Los Angeles, I networked, put myself out there and went to cool singles' parties, only to end up in one bad relationship after another and always shocked at the outcome.
For a while, I consoled myself with the notion that each bad dating experience was somehow educational and would serve to keep me from repeating my mistakes. For a while, this worked. Then it got old, and I realized that I wasn't getting any younger. I came to the conclusion that I needed to get a handle on how to date.
I mean, why date anyway?
After a great deal of introspection, I decided that the purpose of dating for me was not for a social life, or lack of one, nor as a cure for loneliness. It was ultimately for marriage.
Saying this out loud... okay, whispering this to myself, forced me to ask myself why I continued to date guys who were not marriage material (for me). Dating, in my book, still meant just kind of showing up and waiting for something to click. I figured that I would just win over anyone I thought was in the ballpark.
The ballpark of course was filled with cute guys who had jobs. So I dated a lot of cute guys with jobs and dutifully broke up with the ones who were generally unemployed. But the cute guys with jobs often behaved like total jerks and somehow grew less and less cute over time. So what was a nice Jewish girl to do?
I decided that if I was serious about dating for marriage, I had to find out how to maximize my time and minimize my suffering.
I became more interested in Judaism's insights about dating. I learned that there are three major points to consider when dating for marriage: attraction, character traits and common life goals. The latter two points had never entered my radar screen before, but when I thought about it, I realized that without them I had been wasting a lot of time.
Out of necessity I learned quickly that there is a lot more to say on the topic of dating. With this new information I changed the way I began to date, which had a profound impact on my life.
One thing I noticed was that people do not want to waste time or focus on trivial matters when they are dating for marriage. Still I found it difficult to know what to emphasize and what to deem less important when evaluating a person as a potential life partner. Staying focused on these three major points kept me on track:
Attraction
While it seems obvious, I'd like to emphasize the importance of attraction. You have to be attracted to someone in order to marry them; physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and intellectually. Even if "Matchmaker , Matchmaker. . ." sets you up with someone who looks great on paper, it is unwise to commit to marrying someone unless you are wildly excited to be with them for hopefully the rest of your life.
It is important to mention that the concept of attraction can mean different things to different people. Unfortunately the media has a great deal of influence on our subconscious with respect to who and what we find attractive and to what degree. Although it can take time to develop or know if there is a basic level of attraction, after a few dates if you have to convince yourself that you could tolerate it if the person held your hand but you feel that this would be a charitable act on your part, you don't need another date as a confirmation. Be polite and say good night.
Character Traits
Assuming that attraction exists between both parties, the next major focal point is character traits. When I say character traits, I do not mean an individual's personality. Someone can have a nice personality and not be a nice person. A good way to assess someone's character is to see how they treat children, animals and people whose job it is to serve them, such as waiters, salespeople or cabdrivers.
One time I was on a date and we went for drinks. The place was not terribly busy and the service was a bit slow but I didn't consider it to be a major big deal. My date was seriously rude to the waiter and I was totally embarrassed for both of us. It didn't matter that my date had brought me roses. He was unnecessarily rude to the waiter and that's what I remember about that date. It's easy for someone to be on their best behavior for someone they are trying to impress, but observing one's behavior in less obvious situations can reveal a great deal about a person's character.
Common Life Goals
Sometimes people make the mistake of staying in a relationship because "She's just so nice" or "We have such great chemistry." But if she doesn't want a relationship with your kids from a previous marriage or your "chemistry partner" has openly admitted that he has no interest in being anyone's marriage partner then you are wasting your time.
It is a necessity for both parties of a potential couple to possess common life goals. People often mistake lifestyles for life goals. If two people love playing tennis they share a desire for a common lifestyle. But if those same two people disagree on whether or not to have children they definitely lack commonality of an important life goal.
A common mistake to watch out for is marrying someone for their potential; for the person you hope they will become. If someone has a drug addiction, a short temper, lack of restraint with spending money, etc. but are otherwise "perfect" for you, don't get married hoping they'll change. You have to be real about who you are and the life you want. Therefore you also have to be real with who you are dating and where your relationship is going.
Taking the time to investigate the subject of dating over the years provided me with tools to get the clarity I needed to recognize my husband. I developed an acronym, DATE, which helped me stay focused during my search:
Define Life Goals
Assess Level of Attraction
Try it (3 Dates). If you don't like it...MOVE ON!
Evaluate Strength of Character
Define Life Goals -- You have to know your life goals in order to assess if your potential partner and you have common life goals.
Assess Level of Attraction -- Attraction is like a thumbs-up from God. Without it, it is virtually impossible to build a lasting relationship.
Try it -- If you are clear that there is no future in it, you aren't doing anybody a favor by continuing to date someone, even if they are nice.
Evaluate Strength of Character -- We are all trying to perfect ourselves. It's a lifelong journey; however, there is no compensating for major infractions in this area.
Lists?
Before you go shopping it's helpful to have a list. If healthy food choices and other household essentials are on your shopping list, you are less likely to come home with a cartload of donuts, soda, cigarettes and supermarket tabloids, right? However, many people I have talked to in the dating scene (former or present members) have expressed an intense dislike for lists. Sometimes you might rule out someone fabulous for a less than crucial reason. Just because you have a list of ten must-haves in a spouse and this really nice person you just met only has nine, is it smart to write them off at the starting line?
You might feel very strongly about marrying someone who is a baseball fan. Your soul mate might think that "Red Sox" is solely a typographical error. However, if that person respects you and your love for baseball, is it worth passing them up for a second date? By sticking to a simple yet non-negotiable formula you might be able to focus on genuine, multi-faceted attraction and assess another person's appropriateness as a life partner.
After a few dates if the level of attraction is not growing stronger, you find that you don't share life goals and you're not sure that you and that person will bring out the best in each other, move on gracefully and be thankful for the clarity. Although breaking up is hard to do, when it's the right move it's better to make it after three dates than after three kids.
While I would never willingly revisit the often treacherous road of single life, the clarity I gained while learning how to date more effectively finally led me down the aisle to my husband. Focus on what you want in life and who the best person will be to share it with. Don't get distracted; use your time wisely. In other words, date smart, not hard, and may your journey be swift and sweet!
My concept of Jewish dating was somewhat skewed when I began seriously looking for my better half. Having never seen Fiddler on the Roof, I had no strains of "Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match. . ." wafting through my subconscious. I didn't think that a third party, let alone God, would have much to do with my success. It was all on me.
Dating meant going to a Jewish singles event at a synagogue or local venue and making small talk with someone of the opposite gender, which seemed more like a chore than a social life.
As a 20-something single living in Los Angeles, I networked, put myself out there and went to cool singles' parties, only to end up in one bad relationship after another and always shocked at the outcome.
For a while, I consoled myself with the notion that each bad dating experience was somehow educational and would serve to keep me from repeating my mistakes. For a while, this worked. Then it got old, and I realized that I wasn't getting any younger. I came to the conclusion that I needed to get a handle on how to date.
I mean, why date anyway?
After a great deal of introspection, I decided that the purpose of dating for me was not for a social life, or lack of one, nor as a cure for loneliness. It was ultimately for marriage.
Saying this out loud... okay, whispering this to myself, forced me to ask myself why I continued to date guys who were not marriage material (for me). Dating, in my book, still meant just kind of showing up and waiting for something to click. I figured that I would just win over anyone I thought was in the ballpark.
The ballpark of course was filled with cute guys who had jobs. So I dated a lot of cute guys with jobs and dutifully broke up with the ones who were generally unemployed. But the cute guys with jobs often behaved like total jerks and somehow grew less and less cute over time. So what was a nice Jewish girl to do?
I decided that if I was serious about dating for marriage, I had to find out how to maximize my time and minimize my suffering.
I became more interested in Judaism's insights about dating. I learned that there are three major points to consider when dating for marriage: attraction, character traits and common life goals. The latter two points had never entered my radar screen before, but when I thought about it, I realized that without them I had been wasting a lot of time.
Out of necessity I learned quickly that there is a lot more to say on the topic of dating. With this new information I changed the way I began to date, which had a profound impact on my life.
One thing I noticed was that people do not want to waste time or focus on trivial matters when they are dating for marriage. Still I found it difficult to know what to emphasize and what to deem less important when evaluating a person as a potential life partner. Staying focused on these three major points kept me on track:
Attraction
While it seems obvious, I'd like to emphasize the importance of attraction. You have to be attracted to someone in order to marry them; physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and intellectually. Even if "Matchmaker , Matchmaker. . ." sets you up with someone who looks great on paper, it is unwise to commit to marrying someone unless you are wildly excited to be with them for hopefully the rest of your life.
It is important to mention that the concept of attraction can mean different things to different people. Unfortunately the media has a great deal of influence on our subconscious with respect to who and what we find attractive and to what degree. Although it can take time to develop or know if there is a basic level of attraction, after a few dates if you have to convince yourself that you could tolerate it if the person held your hand but you feel that this would be a charitable act on your part, you don't need another date as a confirmation. Be polite and say good night.
Character Traits
Assuming that attraction exists between both parties, the next major focal point is character traits. When I say character traits, I do not mean an individual's personality. Someone can have a nice personality and not be a nice person. A good way to assess someone's character is to see how they treat children, animals and people whose job it is to serve them, such as waiters, salespeople or cabdrivers.
One time I was on a date and we went for drinks. The place was not terribly busy and the service was a bit slow but I didn't consider it to be a major big deal. My date was seriously rude to the waiter and I was totally embarrassed for both of us. It didn't matter that my date had brought me roses. He was unnecessarily rude to the waiter and that's what I remember about that date. It's easy for someone to be on their best behavior for someone they are trying to impress, but observing one's behavior in less obvious situations can reveal a great deal about a person's character.
Common Life Goals
Sometimes people make the mistake of staying in a relationship because "She's just so nice" or "We have such great chemistry." But if she doesn't want a relationship with your kids from a previous marriage or your "chemistry partner" has openly admitted that he has no interest in being anyone's marriage partner then you are wasting your time.
It is a necessity for both parties of a potential couple to possess common life goals. People often mistake lifestyles for life goals. If two people love playing tennis they share a desire for a common lifestyle. But if those same two people disagree on whether or not to have children they definitely lack commonality of an important life goal.
A common mistake to watch out for is marrying someone for their potential; for the person you hope they will become. If someone has a drug addiction, a short temper, lack of restraint with spending money, etc. but are otherwise "perfect" for you, don't get married hoping they'll change. You have to be real about who you are and the life you want. Therefore you also have to be real with who you are dating and where your relationship is going.
Taking the time to investigate the subject of dating over the years provided me with tools to get the clarity I needed to recognize my husband. I developed an acronym, DATE, which helped me stay focused during my search:
Define Life Goals
Assess Level of Attraction
Try it (3 Dates). If you don't like it...MOVE ON!
Evaluate Strength of Character
Define Life Goals -- You have to know your life goals in order to assess if your potential partner and you have common life goals.
Assess Level of Attraction -- Attraction is like a thumbs-up from God. Without it, it is virtually impossible to build a lasting relationship.
Try it -- If you are clear that there is no future in it, you aren't doing anybody a favor by continuing to date someone, even if they are nice.
Evaluate Strength of Character -- We are all trying to perfect ourselves. It's a lifelong journey; however, there is no compensating for major infractions in this area.
Lists?
Before you go shopping it's helpful to have a list. If healthy food choices and other household essentials are on your shopping list, you are less likely to come home with a cartload of donuts, soda, cigarettes and supermarket tabloids, right? However, many people I have talked to in the dating scene (former or present members) have expressed an intense dislike for lists. Sometimes you might rule out someone fabulous for a less than crucial reason. Just because you have a list of ten must-haves in a spouse and this really nice person you just met only has nine, is it smart to write them off at the starting line?
You might feel very strongly about marrying someone who is a baseball fan. Your soul mate might think that "Red Sox" is solely a typographical error. However, if that person respects you and your love for baseball, is it worth passing them up for a second date? By sticking to a simple yet non-negotiable formula you might be able to focus on genuine, multi-faceted attraction and assess another person's appropriateness as a life partner.
After a few dates if the level of attraction is not growing stronger, you find that you don't share life goals and you're not sure that you and that person will bring out the best in each other, move on gracefully and be thankful for the clarity. Although breaking up is hard to do, when it's the right move it's better to make it after three dates than after three kids.
While I would never willingly revisit the often treacherous road of single life, the clarity I gained while learning how to date more effectively finally led me down the aisle to my husband. Focus on what you want in life and who the best person will be to share it with. Don't get distracted; use your time wisely. In other words, date smart, not hard, and may your journey be swift and sweet!
Monday, January 14, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Sex and the Teenage Girl
Sex and the Teenage Girl
By CAITLIN FLANAGAN
Los Angeles
THE movie “Juno” is a fairy tale about a pregnant teenager who decides to have her baby, place it for adoption and then get on with her life. For the most part, the tone of the movie is comedic and jolly, but there is a moment when Juno tells her father about her condition, and he shakes his head in disappointment and says, “I thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when.”
Female viewers flinch when he says it, because his words lay bare the bitterly unfair truth of sexuality: female desire can bring with it a form of punishment no man can begin to imagine, and so it is one appetite women and girls must always regard with caution. Because Juno let her guard down and had a single sexual experience with a sweet, well-intentioned boy, she alone is left with this ordeal of sorrow and public shame.
In the movie, the moment passes. Juno finds a yuppie couple eager for a baby, and when the woman tries to entice her with the promise of an open adoption, the girl shakes her head adamantly: “Can’t we just kick it old school? I could just put the baby in a basket and send it your way. You know, like Moses in the reeds.”
It’s a hilarious moment, and the sentiment turns out to be genuine. The final scene of the movie shows Juno and her boyfriend returned to their carefree adolescence, the baby — safely in the hands of his rapturous and responsible new mother — all but forgotten. Because I’m old enough now that teenage movie characters evoke a primarily maternal response in me (my question during the film wasn’t “What would I do in that situation?” but “What would I do if my daughter were in that situation?”), the last scene brought tears to my eyes. To see a young daughter, faced with the terrible fact of a pregnancy, unscathed by it and completely her old self again was magical.
And that’s why “Juno” is a fairy tale. As any woman who has ever chosen (or been forced) to kick it old school can tell you, surrendering a baby whom you will never know comes with a steep and lifelong cost. Nor is an abortion psychologically or physically simple. It is an invasive and frightening procedure, and for some adolescent girls it constitutes part of their first gynecological exam. I know grown women who’ve wept bitterly after abortions, no matter how sound their decisions were. How much harder are these procedures for girls, whose moral and emotional universe is just taking shape?
Even the much-discussed pregnancy of 16-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears reveals the rudely unfair toll that a few minutes of pleasure can exact on a girl. The very fact that the gossip magazines are still debating the identity of the father proves again that the burden of sex is the woman’s to bear. He has a chance to maintain his privacy, but if she becomes pregnant by mistake, soon all the world will know.
Pregnancy robs a teenager of her girlhood. This stark fact is one reason girls used to be so carefully guarded and protected — in a system that at once limited their horizons and safeguarded them from devastating consequences. The feminist historian Joan Jacobs Brumberg has written that “however prudish and ‘uptight’ the Victorians were, our ancestors had a deep commitment to girls.”
We, too, have a deep commitment to girls, and ours centers not on protecting their chastity, but on supporting their ability to compete with boys, to be free — perhaps for the first time in history — from the restraints that kept women from achieving on the same level. Now we have to ask ourselves this question: Does the full enfranchisement of girls depend on their being sexually liberated? And if it does, can we somehow change or diminish among the very young the trauma of pregnancy, the occasional result of even safe sex?
Biology is destiny, and the brutally unfair outcome that adolescent sexuality can produce will never change. Twenty years ago, I taught high school in a town near New Orleans. There was a girls’ bathroom next to my classroom, which was more convenient for me than the faculty one on the other side of campus. In the last stall, carved deeply into the metal box reserved for used sanitary napkins, was the single word “Please.”
Whoever had written it had taken a long time; the word was etched so deeply into the metal that she must have worked on it over several days, hiding in there on hall passes or study breaks, desperate. I never knew who wrote it, or when, but I always knew exactly what that anonymous girl meant. When I looked out over the girls moving through the hallways between classes, I wondered if she was among them, and I hoped that her prayer had been answered.
Caitlin Flanagan, the author of “To Hell With All That,” is working on a book about the emotional lives of pubescent girls.
By CAITLIN FLANAGAN
Los Angeles
THE movie “Juno” is a fairy tale about a pregnant teenager who decides to have her baby, place it for adoption and then get on with her life. For the most part, the tone of the movie is comedic and jolly, but there is a moment when Juno tells her father about her condition, and he shakes his head in disappointment and says, “I thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when.”
Female viewers flinch when he says it, because his words lay bare the bitterly unfair truth of sexuality: female desire can bring with it a form of punishment no man can begin to imagine, and so it is one appetite women and girls must always regard with caution. Because Juno let her guard down and had a single sexual experience with a sweet, well-intentioned boy, she alone is left with this ordeal of sorrow and public shame.
In the movie, the moment passes. Juno finds a yuppie couple eager for a baby, and when the woman tries to entice her with the promise of an open adoption, the girl shakes her head adamantly: “Can’t we just kick it old school? I could just put the baby in a basket and send it your way. You know, like Moses in the reeds.”
It’s a hilarious moment, and the sentiment turns out to be genuine. The final scene of the movie shows Juno and her boyfriend returned to their carefree adolescence, the baby — safely in the hands of his rapturous and responsible new mother — all but forgotten. Because I’m old enough now that teenage movie characters evoke a primarily maternal response in me (my question during the film wasn’t “What would I do in that situation?” but “What would I do if my daughter were in that situation?”), the last scene brought tears to my eyes. To see a young daughter, faced with the terrible fact of a pregnancy, unscathed by it and completely her old self again was magical.
And that’s why “Juno” is a fairy tale. As any woman who has ever chosen (or been forced) to kick it old school can tell you, surrendering a baby whom you will never know comes with a steep and lifelong cost. Nor is an abortion psychologically or physically simple. It is an invasive and frightening procedure, and for some adolescent girls it constitutes part of their first gynecological exam. I know grown women who’ve wept bitterly after abortions, no matter how sound their decisions were. How much harder are these procedures for girls, whose moral and emotional universe is just taking shape?
Even the much-discussed pregnancy of 16-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears reveals the rudely unfair toll that a few minutes of pleasure can exact on a girl. The very fact that the gossip magazines are still debating the identity of the father proves again that the burden of sex is the woman’s to bear. He has a chance to maintain his privacy, but if she becomes pregnant by mistake, soon all the world will know.
Pregnancy robs a teenager of her girlhood. This stark fact is one reason girls used to be so carefully guarded and protected — in a system that at once limited their horizons and safeguarded them from devastating consequences. The feminist historian Joan Jacobs Brumberg has written that “however prudish and ‘uptight’ the Victorians were, our ancestors had a deep commitment to girls.”
We, too, have a deep commitment to girls, and ours centers not on protecting their chastity, but on supporting their ability to compete with boys, to be free — perhaps for the first time in history — from the restraints that kept women from achieving on the same level. Now we have to ask ourselves this question: Does the full enfranchisement of girls depend on their being sexually liberated? And if it does, can we somehow change or diminish among the very young the trauma of pregnancy, the occasional result of even safe sex?
Biology is destiny, and the brutally unfair outcome that adolescent sexuality can produce will never change. Twenty years ago, I taught high school in a town near New Orleans. There was a girls’ bathroom next to my classroom, which was more convenient for me than the faculty one on the other side of campus. In the last stall, carved deeply into the metal box reserved for used sanitary napkins, was the single word “Please.”
Whoever had written it had taken a long time; the word was etched so deeply into the metal that she must have worked on it over several days, hiding in there on hall passes or study breaks, desperate. I never knew who wrote it, or when, but I always knew exactly what that anonymous girl meant. When I looked out over the girls moving through the hallways between classes, I wondered if she was among them, and I hoped that her prayer had been answered.
Caitlin Flanagan, the author of “To Hell With All That,” is working on a book about the emotional lives of pubescent girls.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
*The Husband Store*
*The Husband Store*
A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:- 'You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads: ***Floor 1* - These men have jobs.
The 2nd floor sign reads:* **Floor 2* - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
The 3rd floor sign reads: *Floor 3* - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.
Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads: *Floor 4* - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework. Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads: ***Floor 5* - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have A Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads: Floor 6* - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store .
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a ***New Wives store* just across the street.
The* **1st floor* has wives that love sex.
The* **2nd floor* has wives that love sex and have money.
The* **3rd** *through* **6th floors* have never been visited
A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:- 'You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads: ***Floor 1* - These men have jobs.
The 2nd floor sign reads:* **Floor 2* - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
The 3rd floor sign reads: *Floor 3* - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.
Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads: *Floor 4* - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework. Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads: ***Floor 5* - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have A Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads: Floor 6* - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store .
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a ***New Wives store* just across the street.
The* **1st floor* has wives that love sex.
The* **2nd floor* has wives that love sex and have money.
The* **3rd** *through* **6th floors* have never been visited
Monday, January 07, 2008
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Saturday, January 05, 2008
Friday, January 04, 2008
Who is one allowed to date?
Parents;
on whose grip are you really in?
why are you looking for matches that you want and is not good for your children?
why are there more separations and divorces happening?
Boys and Girls;
on whose grip are you really in?
why are you marrying what the wrong educators tell you?
why are you marrying to spouses that your friends "approve" of?
when will you educate yourself to what marriage is truly all about?
Educators;
start being honest! get off your high chairs! build a true klal yisroel!
Monday, December 31, 2007
how else could he guarantee that he would not look at other women after he married?
Crown Heights' receding hemlines
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shmuley Boteach , THE JERUSALEM POST Dec. 16, 2007
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Returning to Chabad headquarters in Crown Heights, Brooklyn, for a Shabbat is an exhilarating experience. Lubavitchers are arguably the most alive people in the world and there is a pulse and electricity in the air that can scarcely be found anywhere else. What I did not expect, however, was to be approached by a large number of young rabbinical students of marriageable age who wanted counseling as to how to overcome their obsession with a woman's looks on dates. Some of the young men who approached me had dated upwards of 40 women and had been instantly dismissive if she wasn't a beauty.
Mind you, these were not bums. Most were outstanding young scholars, deeply religious, serious about their rabbinical degrees, and desirous of going, right after marriage, to the far corners of the world to spread Judaism. But in the area of dating they had absorbed the shallow mores of the mainstream culture. They judged a woman primarily by her appearance.
They had a problem and they knew it. They felt like they were betraying not just the essential values of the Jewish faith but also the exceptional spirituality for which Chabad is justly famous.
Then there was another group of young men who engaged me in endless debate, justifying their preoccupation with their potential mates' looks. One told me that there was nothing wrong with a man wanting to be attracted to his wife - and how else could he guarantee that he would not look at other women after he married?
"Of course a man has to be attracted to his wife," I conceded. "But your mistake is to so narrowly define attraction as consisting merely of physical beauty. What makes a woman striking is the totality of her being - her body, her mind, her heart, her virtue."
I asked them, "Do you believe for one moment that marrying the prettiest woman in the world will serve as an immunity to a roving eye? You can grow just as weary of waking up the same beautiful face as you do to a more ordinary one. Just look at Hollywood. These actors all marry women who look like supermodels, but they cheat on each other and end up divorced after just a few months. Rather, it's finding newness in a relationship that obviates boredom. And that can only come from a woman with real personality."
BUT WHAT about the Torah, he countered, which refers to the matriarchs Sarah, Rebecca and Rachel as being exceedingly beautiful? I responded that whenever the Torah speaks of the matriarchs' beauty, the remark is accompanied by a description of their virtue which was served as the great multiplier of that beauty, such as Sarah's readiness to feed all passersby and Rebecca's kindness in watering Eliezer's camels.
The very fact that I had to engage in a debate with learned rabbinical students about how a woman should not be reduced to mere body parts was extremely troubling.
Of late, I have devoted several columns to the increasingly distressed orthodox Jewish dating scene, where the core Jewish values of character and spiritual virtue are losing out to the dehumanizing qualities of money and looks. Jews who wouldn't be caught dead driving on Shabbat or eating a cheeseburger are prepared to base the most important decision of their lives on values that are antithetical to the Jewish insistence on character and depth.
King Solomon may have exclaimed that "beauty is false, while a woman who fears God is to be praised," but many of the yeshiva students today prefer a shapely body to a sculpted spirit.
Nearly 20 years ago when I married as a young Chabad student, it was almost unheard of to date an endless stream of women before finding a suitable wife. On the contrary, we were so enamored by the thrill of just being out with a woman that the dating did its magic and most of us found life partners without playing the unwinnable game of endless comparison.
Those days are gone and, perhaps for the first time, Chabad and other religious groups are developing their first ever singles scene, with literally thousands of single men and women remaining unattached for a good portion of their twenties.
Sadder still is the way in which the young women of Crown Heights of marriageable age accommodate this growing male shallowness. Last year there was the tragedy of a young woman in her late teens who died of anorexia. Her case was not an anomaly, as more and more Hassidic girls do everything to keep the pounds off, in the knowledge that few rabbinical students will marry them if they are overweight.
Then there are the receding hemlines one sees all around Crown Heights. Chabad girls are showing a lot of leg, which might seem innocuous - but it's not.
The one thing religious Jews always understood is that modest is sexy. Magnetism exists specifically in those things which are hidden and obscured.
WHEN OXFORD'S Bodleian Library last week decided to display all four of its copies of the Magna Carta for the first time in 800 years, it did so for only a single day. Likewise, in stark contrast to withered celebrities like Pamela Anderson who overexposed themselves to the point of a public yawn, great stars like Barbra Streisand remain interesting for decades because they know when not to appear in public.
Overexposure is the very heart of boredom, and one of the qualities that always made religious women so profoundly desirable and attractive was their ladylike demeanor and feminine grace. I remember how, at Oxford, whenever Orthodox Jewish girls would come to spend Shabbat with us, the secular Jewish male students were taken aback by how eye-catching they were, their comeliness lying in their off-limits mystique.
Indeed, the very soul of erotic attraction is what relationship experts call "the erotic barrier," the hurdles that a man must surmount in order to obtain a woman who is always just slightly outside his reach.
Jewish values must be restored to religious dating. The Orthodox community can no longer turn a blind eye to the growing artifice of the religious dating scene. Lectures on the Torah definition of feminine virtue should be made part of the yeshiva curriculum for marriage-age men to counter the growing effects of a TV and magazine culture that is increasingly marketing women as all cover and no book.
Rabbis should give sermons in synagogues that focus on religious men never punishing a woman who puts more time into developing her mind than choosing her clothes. And the women should make it clear to the men who date them that marriage is for adults and not for boys.
The writer's latest book, The Broken American Male, And How to Fix Him will be published next month. He has just launched a Jewish values-based initiative called "This World." www.shmuley.com
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shmuley Boteach , THE JERUSALEM POST Dec. 16, 2007
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Returning to Chabad headquarters in Crown Heights, Brooklyn, for a Shabbat is an exhilarating experience. Lubavitchers are arguably the most alive people in the world and there is a pulse and electricity in the air that can scarcely be found anywhere else. What I did not expect, however, was to be approached by a large number of young rabbinical students of marriageable age who wanted counseling as to how to overcome their obsession with a woman's looks on dates. Some of the young men who approached me had dated upwards of 40 women and had been instantly dismissive if she wasn't a beauty.
Mind you, these were not bums. Most were outstanding young scholars, deeply religious, serious about their rabbinical degrees, and desirous of going, right after marriage, to the far corners of the world to spread Judaism. But in the area of dating they had absorbed the shallow mores of the mainstream culture. They judged a woman primarily by her appearance.
They had a problem and they knew it. They felt like they were betraying not just the essential values of the Jewish faith but also the exceptional spirituality for which Chabad is justly famous.
Then there was another group of young men who engaged me in endless debate, justifying their preoccupation with their potential mates' looks. One told me that there was nothing wrong with a man wanting to be attracted to his wife - and how else could he guarantee that he would not look at other women after he married?
"Of course a man has to be attracted to his wife," I conceded. "But your mistake is to so narrowly define attraction as consisting merely of physical beauty. What makes a woman striking is the totality of her being - her body, her mind, her heart, her virtue."
I asked them, "Do you believe for one moment that marrying the prettiest woman in the world will serve as an immunity to a roving eye? You can grow just as weary of waking up the same beautiful face as you do to a more ordinary one. Just look at Hollywood. These actors all marry women who look like supermodels, but they cheat on each other and end up divorced after just a few months. Rather, it's finding newness in a relationship that obviates boredom. And that can only come from a woman with real personality."
BUT WHAT about the Torah, he countered, which refers to the matriarchs Sarah, Rebecca and Rachel as being exceedingly beautiful? I responded that whenever the Torah speaks of the matriarchs' beauty, the remark is accompanied by a description of their virtue which was served as the great multiplier of that beauty, such as Sarah's readiness to feed all passersby and Rebecca's kindness in watering Eliezer's camels.
The very fact that I had to engage in a debate with learned rabbinical students about how a woman should not be reduced to mere body parts was extremely troubling.
Of late, I have devoted several columns to the increasingly distressed orthodox Jewish dating scene, where the core Jewish values of character and spiritual virtue are losing out to the dehumanizing qualities of money and looks. Jews who wouldn't be caught dead driving on Shabbat or eating a cheeseburger are prepared to base the most important decision of their lives on values that are antithetical to the Jewish insistence on character and depth.
King Solomon may have exclaimed that "beauty is false, while a woman who fears God is to be praised," but many of the yeshiva students today prefer a shapely body to a sculpted spirit.
Nearly 20 years ago when I married as a young Chabad student, it was almost unheard of to date an endless stream of women before finding a suitable wife. On the contrary, we were so enamored by the thrill of just being out with a woman that the dating did its magic and most of us found life partners without playing the unwinnable game of endless comparison.
Those days are gone and, perhaps for the first time, Chabad and other religious groups are developing their first ever singles scene, with literally thousands of single men and women remaining unattached for a good portion of their twenties.
Sadder still is the way in which the young women of Crown Heights of marriageable age accommodate this growing male shallowness. Last year there was the tragedy of a young woman in her late teens who died of anorexia. Her case was not an anomaly, as more and more Hassidic girls do everything to keep the pounds off, in the knowledge that few rabbinical students will marry them if they are overweight.
Then there are the receding hemlines one sees all around Crown Heights. Chabad girls are showing a lot of leg, which might seem innocuous - but it's not.
The one thing religious Jews always understood is that modest is sexy. Magnetism exists specifically in those things which are hidden and obscured.
WHEN OXFORD'S Bodleian Library last week decided to display all four of its copies of the Magna Carta for the first time in 800 years, it did so for only a single day. Likewise, in stark contrast to withered celebrities like Pamela Anderson who overexposed themselves to the point of a public yawn, great stars like Barbra Streisand remain interesting for decades because they know when not to appear in public.
Overexposure is the very heart of boredom, and one of the qualities that always made religious women so profoundly desirable and attractive was their ladylike demeanor and feminine grace. I remember how, at Oxford, whenever Orthodox Jewish girls would come to spend Shabbat with us, the secular Jewish male students were taken aback by how eye-catching they were, their comeliness lying in their off-limits mystique.
Indeed, the very soul of erotic attraction is what relationship experts call "the erotic barrier," the hurdles that a man must surmount in order to obtain a woman who is always just slightly outside his reach.
Jewish values must be restored to religious dating. The Orthodox community can no longer turn a blind eye to the growing artifice of the religious dating scene. Lectures on the Torah definition of feminine virtue should be made part of the yeshiva curriculum for marriage-age men to counter the growing effects of a TV and magazine culture that is increasingly marketing women as all cover and no book.
Rabbis should give sermons in synagogues that focus on religious men never punishing a woman who puts more time into developing her mind than choosing her clothes. And the women should make it clear to the men who date them that marriage is for adults and not for boys.
The writer's latest book, The Broken American Male, And How to Fix Him will be published next month. He has just launched a Jewish values-based initiative called "This World." www.shmuley.com
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Teach your Husband a Lesson
A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?" "No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied.
Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked. "No I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked. Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"
Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight."
The homeless Woman was astounded. Won't your hubby be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."
The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?" "No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied.
Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked. "No I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked. Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"
Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight."
The homeless Woman was astounded. Won't your hubby be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."
Sunday, December 23, 2007
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
Monday, December 17, 2007
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Women deserve better.
Women deserve better.
............
Don't be sidetracked. It's not about blaming men. If we allow anyone else to dictate our behavior, it's our fault not theirs. It's our responsibility, not theirs. That holds true for eager young boys, our female friends, colleagues and professors, feminist tomes and sometimes even our parents.
True empowerment is the ability to listen to and act on our own inner voice. True liberation is doing what's right and not being bound by societal pressures. True freedom is identifying with our eternal soul and not being confused by the voices of our temporary but very noisy bodies.
It's long past time for women to stand up for who we truly are. We deserve it.
............
Don't be sidetracked. It's not about blaming men. If we allow anyone else to dictate our behavior, it's our fault not theirs. It's our responsibility, not theirs. That holds true for eager young boys, our female friends, colleagues and professors, feminist tomes and sometimes even our parents.
True empowerment is the ability to listen to and act on our own inner voice. True liberation is doing what's right and not being bound by societal pressures. True freedom is identifying with our eternal soul and not being confused by the voices of our temporary but very noisy bodies.
It's long past time for women to stand up for who we truly are. We deserve it.
Birth Control Pills ?
The Doctor that had been seeing an 80 year old woman for most of her
life finally retired.
At her next checkup, the new Doctor told her to bring a list of all
the medicines that had been prescribed for her.
As the young Doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as
he realized she had a prescription for Birth Control Pills.
"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are Birth Control Pills?" "Yes, they
help me sleep at night."
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that
could possibly help you sleep!"
She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes dear, I know
that. But every morning I grind one up and mix it with the glass of
orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks... and believe
me, it helps me sleep at night."
YOU GOTTA LOVE GRANDMAS!!!! (smart old bird
life finally retired.
At her next checkup, the new Doctor told her to bring a list of all
the medicines that had been prescribed for her.
As the young Doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as
he realized she had a prescription for Birth Control Pills.
"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are Birth Control Pills?" "Yes, they
help me sleep at night."
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that
could possibly help you sleep!"
She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes dear, I know
that. But every morning I grind one up and mix it with the glass of
orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks... and believe
me, it helps me sleep at night."
YOU GOTTA LOVE GRANDMAS!!!! (smart old bird
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
3 SECONDS
IT TAKES 3 SECONDS TO SAY I LOVE YOU...
3 HOURS TO EXPLAIN IT...
AND A LIFETIME TO PROVE IT"!!
3 HOURS TO EXPLAIN IT...
AND A LIFETIME TO PROVE IT"!!
Monday, December 10, 2007
The serial dater ?
Inside the mind of a serial seducer.
Then this follow-up.
I found this fellow straightforward, and the women not getting it. Especially when they were trying to convince him that he was wrong about being honest!
The BIG question here is as follows;
Are people responsible for their own feelings when dating?
Do women have more false ideas on dates?
What are the women thinking when they are going up to his apartment?
When are women going to get it, that having sex before marriage is not going to guarantee them a spouse?
When are women going to stop this facade that they didn't only want sex?
Here is one comment I thought was educating;
This guy is having sex with other men's future wives and children's future moms. He is the opposite of true masculinity. He is not taking any responsibility for the emotional health of these women. He is using them for his own satisfaction. He has no back bone. No courage.
He is right in saying that a lot of people in America want novelty is sex. But true satisfaction in sex does not come with novelty. True satisfaction in sex comes from deep emotional intimacy. Novelty in sex only feeds a desire that will never be satisfied.
Danny Stiller, Dallas, TX (Sent Monday, December 10, 2007 11:47 AM
Then this follow-up.
I found this fellow straightforward, and the women not getting it. Especially when they were trying to convince him that he was wrong about being honest!
The BIG question here is as follows;
Are people responsible for their own feelings when dating?
Do women have more false ideas on dates?
What are the women thinking when they are going up to his apartment?
When are women going to get it, that having sex before marriage is not going to guarantee them a spouse?
When are women going to stop this facade that they didn't only want sex?
Here is one comment I thought was educating;
This guy is having sex with other men's future wives and children's future moms. He is the opposite of true masculinity. He is not taking any responsibility for the emotional health of these women. He is using them for his own satisfaction. He has no back bone. No courage.
He is right in saying that a lot of people in America want novelty is sex. But true satisfaction in sex does not come with novelty. True satisfaction in sex comes from deep emotional intimacy. Novelty in sex only feeds a desire that will never be satisfied.
Danny Stiller, Dallas, TX (Sent Monday, December 10, 2007 11:47 AM
"NOW'ism" ?
.............Chasing delusions
A new ethos has taken hold in the West. It's called 'now-ism'. Overlaying the self-centered, serve me attitude that's been around since the '70s, people today have less patience and lower tolerance for shortcomings than in the past. Maybe it's our fast food, jet travel, instant messaging culture. We want the perfect date now, we want to fall in love immediately, and we don't want to expend a lot of effort getting to know a person's character, goals and values -- factors that greatly determine the long-term success of a relationship. ..........
A new ethos has taken hold in the West. It's called 'now-ism'. Overlaying the self-centered, serve me attitude that's been around since the '70s, people today have less patience and lower tolerance for shortcomings than in the past. Maybe it's our fast food, jet travel, instant messaging culture. We want the perfect date now, we want to fall in love immediately, and we don't want to expend a lot of effort getting to know a person's character, goals and values -- factors that greatly determine the long-term success of a relationship. ..........
Thursday, December 06, 2007
What's with the MAGIC ?
Personal Experiences From Our Readers` Author: Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis
Special Note: A few weeks ago, I published a letter from a single woman who was in conflict as to whether or not she should accept a marriage proposal from a man whom she described as “kind, smart, but nerdy”. Subsequently, I have received many letters from our readers who wrote of their own experiences. The following is just one of them:
Dear Rebbetzin:
First, I want to thank you for all your hard work and writings. I am a sixty-five year old Jewish woman, and although I am not a member of the Orthodox community, I love reading your column and advice to the people who write in because I find it so inspiring.
I felt the need to write because I empathize with the two “youngish” single women who have written recently. Both are confused as to whether to accept proposals from nice, religious men who are either “nerdy” or too slight of build. They say they don’t feel the “magic” they believe they are supposed to feel. Although I understand their dilemma, I laughed out loud at the incongruity of the situation. You see, I was once one of those youngish women, and now that I’ve had time to put things in perspective. I was really laughing at my former self.
I began dating in high school and always wanted to marry young and have a large family. I was slender, pretty and popular and I assumed that finding the man of my dreams would be easy. It wasn’t until my early twenties however, that I became committed to raising a Jewish family. At twenty-two, I thought I had met “the one”. He was older than me, an attorney, and Jewish. I thought the sun rose and set on him, and I felt more “magic” than they have in Disneyland. What more could one ask for? I spent five years hoping we’d marry, but he was afraid to make that commitment because his first marriage had been very traumatic. I wasn’t bitter toward him (after a while), and we remained good friends, but I had to move on and find the one with whom I could raise a family. I resumed dating, but the scene was much like the young woman described – the same singles going to endless parties until you could smell the desperation in the air. I compared everyone to my first boyfriend and none could compete. I was almost tempted to go back to him since he lived just a few blocks away.
So I left the East coast and moved to California at age twenty-nine. Here, people were less judgmental about my age or the fact that I was still single. However, finding marriage-minded Jewish men was not a simple task. Finally, I met Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach and joined the community of “hippies” who davened at the House of Love and Prayer in San Francisco. There was a synagogue on the first floor and two apartments upstairs – one for women and one for men. Anyone could “crash” (find a place to stay) here. Although Shlomo himself wasn’t there often, there were other rabbis who came to teach as well as countless young people who were visiting from Israel or other parts of the U.S. I never saw so many single Jewish men in one place. And they were looking for wives! I was sure I would find someone here....I watched as my new friends paired off and were married. Then the babies started to arrive. Of course, I was happy for everyone, but when would it be my turn? There were men I liked, but they didn’t like me in the same way. And there were men who liked me, but I just didn’t feel the “magic” or the “special connection” that Hollywood has trained young people in our society into thinking they should feel.
After I had lived in the community for two and a half years, many of its members moved to the East coast or to Israel and the House of Love and Prayer was closed.. I joined a Sephardic shul that had many young people in the congregation. I fell “head over heels” for a young man and we became engaged. Our wedding date was announced to the congregation and my fiancé provided a seudah. Finally, I thought – this was it by this time, I was thirty-three years old. However, it was not to be. I discovered that the young man had misrepresented some important facts about himself and our relationship deteriorated. I learned that I couldn’t trust him. How could I have been so gullible? I began blaming myself and wondering what was wrong with me. Why did my dream of a happy family life only happen to other people?
I’m a very determined person (okay - so I’m stubborn) and I couldn’t imagine giving up. So after a recuperation period and some therapy, I began dating again. I moved in with my best friend and her husband (I had introduced them) and their little daughter, so I didn’t feel so alone. My friend’s husband is a rabbi although he was employed in another field. He likes to give advice and I listened to him. He helped me see that some of my preconceived, romantic notions were causing me to overlook the good qualities in others. I began to realize that some qualities on my “must have” list weren’t important. Just in time, too, I was now thirty-seven years old.
A short time later, I met a young man at an organization where we were doing volunteer work. When I say young, I mean it! He was twenty five years old. He asked me to go out for coffee afterward. I only said yes because I had nothing planned that afternoon and didn’t feel like going straight home. I didn’t feel attracted to him – he was about two inches taller than me – too short in my opinion, and I knew he was younger than me. But he seemed eager and I thought it wouldn’t hurt anything if I were nice to him.
We went to a vegan restaurant and he offered to buy me lunch. We drank carrot juice and when my glass was empty he offered to get me a second. “He’s awfully nice”, I thought to myself. Then, he told me he’d had a crush on me for weeks! He asked me if I would go out with him. I thought his behavior was cute, and I was flattered that he liked me, but had decided never to date anyone younger because my previous boyfriend (the one to whom I’d been engaged) was younger than me. I wanted someone mature. He said, “Well if the age difference doesn’t matter to me, who should it matter to you?” I realized that my own obstinate notions could cause me to miss a great opportunity and I decided to get out of my own way and see what happened. What had I to lose? The worst thing that could happen was that I’d be disappointed, and I had already learned how to deal with that.
We began dating, and I told myself “I’ll just keep seeing him as long as things are going well and see what happens.” We got along very well and seemed to enjoy the same things and have the same values. We saw each other every day and on the 16th day, he asked me to marry him! I was taken aback at first, and told him I needed some time to think about it.
After a month, he asked me again. This time, I said “yes.” We were married six months later under a chuppah in Golden Gate Park. He wanted a large wedding so we invited about 300 people. My best friend was matron of honor and her husband, the rabbi, “gave me away” because my parents couldn`t attend. Their little daughter was the flower girl. What a joyous day it was!
Today, we`ve been married 27 years and have a 24-year-old son (born when I was 40). We are retired and our son is about to graduate from a prestigious university. We`ve had our “ups and downs” but have never forgotten our commitment to support each other. Of course, the things that were “wrong” with my sweet husband are still there - his neck is short, he is short, his grammar and spelling are bad, he eats too fast, - should I go on? But what does all that matter, when we are so happy together?
Rebbetzin, I hope you will forward this letter to those two young women who wrote you. You can publish it if you want to (although it`s rather long). Even though I`m from outside your community, I want to share my odyssey with others in the hope it will help some one see clearly when faced with this decision. I feel this is a situation many young people struggle with because the media has influenced us - even subconsciously- to value things that, in the long run, don`t really matter.
Special Note: A few weeks ago, I published a letter from a single woman who was in conflict as to whether or not she should accept a marriage proposal from a man whom she described as “kind, smart, but nerdy”. Subsequently, I have received many letters from our readers who wrote of their own experiences. The following is just one of them:
Dear Rebbetzin:
First, I want to thank you for all your hard work and writings. I am a sixty-five year old Jewish woman, and although I am not a member of the Orthodox community, I love reading your column and advice to the people who write in because I find it so inspiring.
I felt the need to write because I empathize with the two “youngish” single women who have written recently. Both are confused as to whether to accept proposals from nice, religious men who are either “nerdy” or too slight of build. They say they don’t feel the “magic” they believe they are supposed to feel. Although I understand their dilemma, I laughed out loud at the incongruity of the situation. You see, I was once one of those youngish women, and now that I’ve had time to put things in perspective. I was really laughing at my former self.
I began dating in high school and always wanted to marry young and have a large family. I was slender, pretty and popular and I assumed that finding the man of my dreams would be easy. It wasn’t until my early twenties however, that I became committed to raising a Jewish family. At twenty-two, I thought I had met “the one”. He was older than me, an attorney, and Jewish. I thought the sun rose and set on him, and I felt more “magic” than they have in Disneyland. What more could one ask for? I spent five years hoping we’d marry, but he was afraid to make that commitment because his first marriage had been very traumatic. I wasn’t bitter toward him (after a while), and we remained good friends, but I had to move on and find the one with whom I could raise a family. I resumed dating, but the scene was much like the young woman described – the same singles going to endless parties until you could smell the desperation in the air. I compared everyone to my first boyfriend and none could compete. I was almost tempted to go back to him since he lived just a few blocks away.
So I left the East coast and moved to California at age twenty-nine. Here, people were less judgmental about my age or the fact that I was still single. However, finding marriage-minded Jewish men was not a simple task. Finally, I met Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach and joined the community of “hippies” who davened at the House of Love and Prayer in San Francisco. There was a synagogue on the first floor and two apartments upstairs – one for women and one for men. Anyone could “crash” (find a place to stay) here. Although Shlomo himself wasn’t there often, there were other rabbis who came to teach as well as countless young people who were visiting from Israel or other parts of the U.S. I never saw so many single Jewish men in one place. And they were looking for wives! I was sure I would find someone here....I watched as my new friends paired off and were married. Then the babies started to arrive. Of course, I was happy for everyone, but when would it be my turn? There were men I liked, but they didn’t like me in the same way. And there were men who liked me, but I just didn’t feel the “magic” or the “special connection” that Hollywood has trained young people in our society into thinking they should feel.
After I had lived in the community for two and a half years, many of its members moved to the East coast or to Israel and the House of Love and Prayer was closed.. I joined a Sephardic shul that had many young people in the congregation. I fell “head over heels” for a young man and we became engaged. Our wedding date was announced to the congregation and my fiancé provided a seudah. Finally, I thought – this was it by this time, I was thirty-three years old. However, it was not to be. I discovered that the young man had misrepresented some important facts about himself and our relationship deteriorated. I learned that I couldn’t trust him. How could I have been so gullible? I began blaming myself and wondering what was wrong with me. Why did my dream of a happy family life only happen to other people?
I’m a very determined person (okay - so I’m stubborn) and I couldn’t imagine giving up. So after a recuperation period and some therapy, I began dating again. I moved in with my best friend and her husband (I had introduced them) and their little daughter, so I didn’t feel so alone. My friend’s husband is a rabbi although he was employed in another field. He likes to give advice and I listened to him. He helped me see that some of my preconceived, romantic notions were causing me to overlook the good qualities in others. I began to realize that some qualities on my “must have” list weren’t important. Just in time, too, I was now thirty-seven years old.
A short time later, I met a young man at an organization where we were doing volunteer work. When I say young, I mean it! He was twenty five years old. He asked me to go out for coffee afterward. I only said yes because I had nothing planned that afternoon and didn’t feel like going straight home. I didn’t feel attracted to him – he was about two inches taller than me – too short in my opinion, and I knew he was younger than me. But he seemed eager and I thought it wouldn’t hurt anything if I were nice to him.
We went to a vegan restaurant and he offered to buy me lunch. We drank carrot juice and when my glass was empty he offered to get me a second. “He’s awfully nice”, I thought to myself. Then, he told me he’d had a crush on me for weeks! He asked me if I would go out with him. I thought his behavior was cute, and I was flattered that he liked me, but had decided never to date anyone younger because my previous boyfriend (the one to whom I’d been engaged) was younger than me. I wanted someone mature. He said, “Well if the age difference doesn’t matter to me, who should it matter to you?” I realized that my own obstinate notions could cause me to miss a great opportunity and I decided to get out of my own way and see what happened. What had I to lose? The worst thing that could happen was that I’d be disappointed, and I had already learned how to deal with that.
We began dating, and I told myself “I’ll just keep seeing him as long as things are going well and see what happens.” We got along very well and seemed to enjoy the same things and have the same values. We saw each other every day and on the 16th day, he asked me to marry him! I was taken aback at first, and told him I needed some time to think about it.
After a month, he asked me again. This time, I said “yes.” We were married six months later under a chuppah in Golden Gate Park. He wanted a large wedding so we invited about 300 people. My best friend was matron of honor and her husband, the rabbi, “gave me away” because my parents couldn`t attend. Their little daughter was the flower girl. What a joyous day it was!
Today, we`ve been married 27 years and have a 24-year-old son (born when I was 40). We are retired and our son is about to graduate from a prestigious university. We`ve had our “ups and downs” but have never forgotten our commitment to support each other. Of course, the things that were “wrong” with my sweet husband are still there - his neck is short, he is short, his grammar and spelling are bad, he eats too fast, - should I go on? But what does all that matter, when we are so happy together?
Rebbetzin, I hope you will forward this letter to those two young women who wrote you. You can publish it if you want to (although it`s rather long). Even though I`m from outside your community, I want to share my odyssey with others in the hope it will help some one see clearly when faced with this decision. I feel this is a situation many young people struggle with because the media has influenced us - even subconsciously- to value things that, in the long run, don`t really matter.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
“You know me, You already turned me down” (No longer in BMG, Had to go to work).
Out Of The Mailbag - To YW Editor (Crying For The Older Bochrim)
December 5, 2007
Dear Yeshivaworld,
I am writing as do many others, for the sole purpose of “venting”.
We read on a weekly basis in the Yated about the sad plight of older single girls who supposedly cry themselves to sleep at night because nobody wants them.
I feel it’s about time the older single guys such as myself get our chance.
Why don’t they realize that they haven’t just graduated seminary? As 20 year-olds they had a right to be picky. They were probably too picky and turned down their best chances. I recommend reading the new “Mountain Climbers” book. There are two stories about girls who didn’t necessarily get what the wanted, THEY MADE IT WORK! That’s all it takes.
Remember, the only person who thinks just like you, has the same opinions as you, and wants the same exact things that you do, is the person you see in the mirror on a daily basis. She has everything backwards!
Signed,
“You know me, You already turned me down” (No longer in BMG, Had to go to work).
December 5, 2007
Dear Yeshivaworld,
I am writing as do many others, for the sole purpose of “venting”.
We read on a weekly basis in the Yated about the sad plight of older single girls who supposedly cry themselves to sleep at night because nobody wants them.
I feel it’s about time the older single guys such as myself get our chance.
Why don’t they realize that they haven’t just graduated seminary? As 20 year-olds they had a right to be picky. They were probably too picky and turned down their best chances. I recommend reading the new “Mountain Climbers” book. There are two stories about girls who didn’t necessarily get what the wanted, THEY MADE IT WORK! That’s all it takes.
Remember, the only person who thinks just like you, has the same opinions as you, and wants the same exact things that you do, is the person you see in the mirror on a daily basis. She has everything backwards!
Signed,
“You know me, You already turned me down” (No longer in BMG, Had to go to work).
Thursday, November 29, 2007
How a true shadchun works
Father: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice."
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates' daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case - ok"
Next: Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case - ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case - ok"
Moral: Even if you have nothing, you can make things happen.
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates' daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case - ok"
Next: Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case - ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case - ok"
Moral: Even if you have nothing, you can make things happen.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
What's your choice?
A Muslim man was seated next to an Australian on a flight from London to Melbourne, Australia.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.
The Aussie asked for a rum and coke, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the Muslim if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The Aussie then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too. I didn't know we had a choice."
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.
The Aussie asked for a rum and coke, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the Muslim if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The Aussie then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too. I didn't know we had a choice."
Monday, November 26, 2007
Scrabble
I have received this email:
Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one)
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands! (Probably a son-in-law).
Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one)
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands! (Probably a son-in-law).
Sunday, November 25, 2007
ISRAELI AMBASSADOR'S SPEECH
The Israeli Ambassador at the U.N. began, "Ladies and gentlemen before
I commence with my speech, I want to relay an old Passover story to all of you ..
"When Moses was leading the Jews out of Egypt toward the Promised Land, he had to go through the nearly endless Sinai desert.
When they reached the Promised Land, the people had became very thirsty and needed
water. So Moses struck the side of a mountain with his staff and a pond appeared with crystal clean, cool water. The people rejoiced and drank to their hearts'
content.
"Moses wished to cleanse his whole body, so he went over to the other side of the pond, took all of his clothes off and dived into the cool waters.
When Moses came out of the water, he discovered that all his clothes had been stolen.
'And,' he said, 'I have reasons to believe that the Palestinians stole my clothes.'"
The Palestinian delegate to the UN, hearing this accusation, jumps from his seat and screams out, "This is a travesty. It is widely known that there were no Palestinians there at that time!"
"And with that in mind," said the Israeli Ambassador, "let me now begin my speech."
I commence with my speech, I want to relay an old Passover story to all of you ..
"When Moses was leading the Jews out of Egypt toward the Promised Land, he had to go through the nearly endless Sinai desert.
When they reached the Promised Land, the people had became very thirsty and needed
water. So Moses struck the side of a mountain with his staff and a pond appeared with crystal clean, cool water. The people rejoiced and drank to their hearts'
content.
"Moses wished to cleanse his whole body, so he went over to the other side of the pond, took all of his clothes off and dived into the cool waters.
When Moses came out of the water, he discovered that all his clothes had been stolen.
'And,' he said, 'I have reasons to believe that the Palestinians stole my clothes.'"
The Palestinian delegate to the UN, hearing this accusation, jumps from his seat and screams out, "This is a travesty. It is widely known that there were no Palestinians there at that time!"
"And with that in mind," said the Israeli Ambassador, "let me now begin my speech."
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